OnBeing Stuck

Life can be so unpredictable. Only three weeks ago, I felt that life was finally taking a good turn for the best. I was happy and looked forward to life ahead. But, then, I had a bad fall. I found myself on the floor, crying in pain, as I became aware that I had somehow fallen a step on my side with my wheelchair standing not more than a metre away. I couldn’t understand how it happen. But it surely did. And I’m experiencing the effects of this moment of distraction as I write about it now. In many ways, it all seems to be an unjust betrayal - as if there could be some ill will behind this situation.

I know that one day, all this will be over. In fact, I could almost laugh about it all. But now, it seems to be an event that cannot disappear because its memory still manifests itself through my pain and discomfort. I can, however, take comfort in the fact that, despite the darkness that appears to fill my days, , there will be a tomorrow. I should know by now that nothing lasts for ever. While we cherish those times of joy and happiness of our life, they can cease to be. Suddenly without warning.

I type this with difficulty and not without some effort. But, then again, it’s this time when everything appears to be so hard and change so elusive that you appreciate the simplest of things. Like the chorus of birds in the early morning. The sweet smell of a fresh cup of tea. The message of a friend wishing you were well again. The music that you have listened to before but really never really understood. The miracle of life which prompts you to ask of why you are here and how come, in spite of all odds, you’re still here.

Perhaps it appears to be something we take for granted - this life. But when you consider that even a single act of breathing is possible only because of so many factors working in harmony. Factors, we may be unaware of, but which are intrinsically dependent on one another. The muscles in our chest… The air that gives us life… And so on and so forth! I dare say, this chain of factors could be tracked back to the origin of the universe itself. And then, you wonder, whether you really have the right to complain about the things that may be going wrong. You put the feeling of frustration and depression into perspective.

I hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I can’t avoid being aware of my pain and suffering that appears to be inescapable. I can’t pretend not to wish it was different. But, at the same time, I realise that I cannot live in the future. I cannot even change the past. I only have the present now. It’s now that I can really make a difference to my life. It’s only now that I can shape the future. For, at the end of the day, the future is unknown and, indeed, may never happen. The only certainty can be found in the present moment.