The Shackles of Attachment

We may go on through life chasing a dream, drowning our pain and failure in pleasure. We may even obsess about achieving a position, making more money and buying possessions which, we become convinced, will make us happy. We may lose ourselves in the pursuit of a love interest or, on the other extreme, strive to escape from the reality which we feel is the cause of our unhappiness.

While our circumstances and positions of life may indeed be the source of our suffering, we cannot address our unhappiness if we aren’t aware of who we are. For, in searching for external factors to find our happiness won’t solve the problem on its own. If when I was a teenager, I had remained attached to the past when I could walk more, I might have probably achieved nothing in my life - except perhaps hoping in a miracle.

However, I took a more pragmatic approach and invested in a wheelchair. Even if I was reluctant to be seen using my wheelchair, I had to accept that my life changed and I couldn’t cling to a past that was no more. Over the years, I did have moments when I recall, with nostalgia, the many things I used to do as a child. Yet, I also recognise that in letting go of my attachment to an idealised past, I was choosing to live. Of course, many have described my life in many ways for continuing to live on.

Yet, the way I see it, I followed a very human quality we all have. I adapted to new circumstances. Part of that adaptability requires of us to let go of our attachments or to afflictive desires. We must adapt to change, for if we didn’t change, we would die to life. We would suffer the pains of dissatisfaction or dukkha. The only way to move on is to recognise that as long as aren’t prepared to recognise the illusion of our wanting, we will never be truly happy.

For, whether we accept it or not, life changes all the time. Even our identities, self-definition, religion, philosophies, politics, or aspirations are not permanent. Yes, they may form important parts of who we are today, but they are not us. Who we are goes beyond all the shackles that hinder our full being, clouds that hide from us our authentic beings and barriers that create divisions between each other.

Today, as a practicing meditator following Buddhist principles, I acknowledge how many identities I have adopted in an attempt to fit in a world, I felt didn’t understand who I was. I still feel isolated at times and misunderstood as well. However, I realise that before I expected the world to accept who I was, I was the first who has to make an effort to understand the world. Even if people still binds me to a social position and a fixed identity, I acknowledge the fact that I remain a human being.

For all I am doing or what I am doing is only borne out of a need to assert my human status. Even if I may identify more closely with certain groups of people, I am learning the importance of cultivating a compassion that genuinely seeks to understand others. A compassion where I listen and not jump to conclusions. A compassion that recognises our basic vulnerability and dependence as human beings.

For nothing in this world will last forever. A life that seeks happiness in material things on their own is doomed to be a life of dissatisfaction. It’s only when we accept life as it is and do our best to reduce unnecessary suffering can we be truly happy. It’s only when we open our heart to who we are and to the hearts of others can we be truly satisfied.

Nothing else matters...

A Dark Night in Aurora: A Few Reflections

Photo of James Holmes

I have reflected on the events which happened recently in Aurora, Colorado, where James Holmes, a PhD student, opened fire on an unsuspecting audience at a local cinema as they prepared to watch the premier of the last series of the Batman trilogy. A total of 12 people died on that fateful   day on the spot or soon after.

I don’t intend to go into detail on what happened during that day when innocent people who were preparing to watch the premier of the  Batman movie “Dark Night Rises” became the target of a lone gunman, James Holmes. He appeared not to fit the stereotype of a terrorist or serial killer. Yet, while we may never learn what the young Holmes was thinking when he started his random killing spree, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't ask ourselves why this might have happened..

Indeed, there are a number of factors that have enabled Holmes to perform his acts of violence. Yet, before that, perhaps we need to acknowledge that our world today has become more violent and violence is often implicitly promoted through our continuous  consumption of news media reporting local crimes and wars abroad. In spite of the goodwill of many, our progress has not resulted in greater peace and stability.

Sadly, even the movie “Dark The Night Rising” appears to be full of violent action and terrorism. In spite of the idea of good fighting bad forces, the so-called “good guys” don’t hesitate to resort to brutality and violence themselves to win over their enemies. This reflects a certain inconsistency in our declared cultural values.

I cannot downplay the tragedy of the deaths following the Aurora shooting. They certainly left suffering amongst those they left behind and touched the American nation. Their lives were unique and irreplaceable . Some were children and had only started their lives. Yet, I am saddened that while this tragedy has rightly attracted the attention of the media - especially in the US - few have been so passionate the thousands being slaughtered today because of war and violence. Aren’t they valuable people like the people in Aurora who sadly were killed?

It was also surprising to me to learn that by possessing the arsenal of weapons, Holmes wasn’t breaking any laws. Indeed, as it stands, the American Constitution provides every American citizen the right to own a weapon in order to protect his person or property. Thus, this obviously permitted for Holmes to purchase many weapons from different US states and even over the internet. The debate on regulating the possession of arms is a hot topic in the US but episodes like that of Holmes aren’t isolated and other victims have surely perished because of unregulated arms market. Personally, I feel that the fact we have a culture that implicitly approves violence as a solution increases the risk of more tragedies like that of Aurora.

While I have identified some of the conditions which have helped to make possible for the young James Holmes to commit mass murder, I feel that I cannot ignore to consider James Holmes, the person. We risk of labelling Holmes as crazy or as someone to be hated. Some have written vengeful claims and even circulated inaccurate information. Even if the police report that Holmes dressed as Batman’s anti-hero, Joker, when committing his crime, it would be too simple for us to label Holmes as a deluded psychopath. Indeed, we may need to attempt, at least, to understand Holmes and his motivations.

Indeed, we need to ask ourselves whether Holmes’ actions were a product of a society that has become more desensitised to violence and war. Perhaps we should ask ourselves whether we are creating more isolation of particular groups of people. We need to ask ourselves whether we had neglected to listen to Holmes before he rebelled against society. We might also need to consider the possibility of whether physiological causes such as an undiagnosed brain tumour was partly responsible for Holmes’ actions. It has been documented that tumours can be responsible for reduction in areas of our brain controlling emotions.

Unfortunately, we often create monsters out of people like Holmes. In a way, we do this to disassociate ourselves from those who we deem are different than us. Yet, while I can never justify Holmes’ actions, I don’t know if given some extreme conditions of social isolation or deprivation, I wouldn’t act out like Holmes if I lose self-awareness and seek help if I need to. Indeed, Holmes may not have thought he had another option. Of course, Holmes’ family were also shocked and those those close to him saw another dark side to him they never thought existed. That too, should help us reflect on how much do we care enough for those around us to get to know them better.

Granted, mine are only reflections and we may know more with the passage of time about this tragic event. However, I believe that this sad event should be a wake up call to a darker reality that sometimes emerges when we least expect it. We may take this as an opportunity to empathise with people who because of war and violence wake up everyday to an uncertain future where they, or their loved ones, may not live after this day. 

Lastly, this is an opportunity to forgive and put true effort in cultivating compassion and promote peace amongst ourselves. It’s also our chance to value the life and dignity of every human being. For, In truth, we all depend on each other to make life worth it!

The Emptiness of Reality

Have you ever felt like you are going nowhere? A feeling that somewhat or somehow, you have to get to terms with a new reality. A reality that, you realise, is at odds with what you believed to be true. Yet, this feeling of emptiness has been growing over the course of the last few months. 

Admittedly, you may conclude that this emptiness is a negative thing. There is always the temptation to escape from such an emptiness or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But that would only be postponing the inevitable and setting oneself to a great fall. At least, this is what I think would happen if I ignored it. I’m not implying that the experience of finally awakening to reality isn’t unpleasant and, it can even be painful. A pain that emerges from the knowledge that you’re alone and nobody else will understand.

The truth of the matter is that even if anyone bothered to listen, they will never fully understand the extent of another human person’s experience. Our lives, yes, may be similar in many ways, but the way we interpret reality remains largely subjective and relative to our particular human contexts. This is not denying that there is no truth or that all actions are good and ethical. Far from it,What I am saying is that there is too much inconsistency between what we believe and what we practice. 

In this sense, we are living our own illusions. We belief we hold the only truth and while proclaiming our respect of other views, we persist in mocking any view that challenges our reality. Any view or person, for that matter, who goes against our convictions. We immerse ourselves into a pride that is ignorant of its own existence . A pride that projects itself as loving kindness but is, if you examine it, nothing but vain self-indulgence.

I am guilty of the same faults that I accuse others of having. I am not completely free from jealousy, envy or selfish desire. However, as I grow more aware of these afflictions, the more I recognise that emptiness which is this reality I live. For, no matter what I will gain from possessing the world, I will end. Again, this ‘end’ that I speak of doesn’t imply that life has no value or no meaning. 

Indeed, being aware of our emptiness compels us to rejoice in every moment of life. Yes, even when life is filled with pain or disappointment. Even when we feel misunderstood or isolated, there is an emptiness that reminds us to keep into perspective our reality. An emptiness that keeps our sense of self within its limits. For, whether we are have or have nots, whether we are rich or poor, and whether we are believers or non-believers, the fact is that we will one day die. 

I still find myself clinging to an identity. A need to be valued as an individual that is separate than the rest. This is not bad in itself. Yet, there is the danger that our desire to be valued and appreciated comes at the expense of the happiness of others. It’s then that what is indeed empty starts appearing to be real. That is at the root of the illusion of a reality based on the belief we are immortal.

Why am I? The Purpose of our Lives...

Follows from 'What am I?' 

 

I come to an ending to this series of reflections on the meaning of authentic being. It’s now that I find myself to this point in life where there appears to be hope, however dim, in the coming of a tomorrow. For, the final answer to the question of authentic being is intrinsically linked to the previous ones - one related to being, “Who am I?“; And the other, related to belonging, “What am I?”. However, unlike the other questions, where I could propose a few thoughts for reflection, the question of purpose may be unanswerable using neither faith nor reason.

 

For, why am I here? Why are we here? If I looked at life simply as a physical process, I would say that in life, we are born to suffer, perhaps reproduce, get old and sick, and, finally, die. But, then, we all wish to hope that death is not an end in itself. Even if we may not be aware of it, we are afraid of losing all we have in life. We fear losing our self. But, yet, we forget - I forget - that who we are today is something we owe to the world. Be it our physical bodies or our intellect and personality nourished by society and other human beings.

 

I admit that I feel the need to connect. The need to express who I am. The need to manifest who I am and what I believe in. Yet, beyond writing about this, I recognise that thoughts and good intentions lead nowhere if they are not followed by action and practice. Thus, the question about our purpose in life should include an awareness of our basic human limits and potential, the individual, historical and social contexts we find ourselves in and it depends on how much we are ready to recognise both these realities as impermanent. For, it’s in their relation to death that purpose is given a life of its own. 

 

I know that I spent my life taking many things for granted. I have been on the verge of physical death one time before but, yet again, forgot as I once again I returned to a life of habit restricted in a particular world view. Not that this was a bad thing in itself. But, it involves a significant danger of making us forget who we are in this world. It feeds into what we may call, ‘the demon of pride’ where we (and perhaps those close to us) are the ones who really matter. The world, thus, revolves around us. In such a spirit, any act of charity or kindness we perform is most likely to be an act of pride and vanity. An act where we attempt to validate our inflated self-image. Even if we present ourselves to others as ‘victims’, there is that risk even then. Since, even then, there is a pride that justifies our irresponsibility and decision not to act.

 

Today, I chose to  make a difficult decision. Even, as I write, I know it will be hard for many to understand. But, nonetheless, I know that I owe it to myself as a human being to serve, not as a slave, to serve others as they are, and remain, the reason for being who I am today. Of course, one of the ways I know how to reach out to others is through words and language. In addition, that my position as a disabled person in my society also imposes a degree of responsibility. However, it would be mistake for me to restrict my identity to a particular group in society for then, again, I would be excluding so many others and would lose an opportunity to grow and learn as a human being.

 

I have great respect for the many people who have influenced me in the past. Some who are still with me on this journey. Some, who sadly, died a time ago. Others, yet, I have never met but I grew to know from reading about their life. For, inasmuch as all I knew was only at the tip of their authentic self, I know that all these individuals have helped to sow the seeds of my being. I can never repay them enough for what they have given me is beyond all I can offer.

 

The purpose of my life, however, cannot be separate from an understanding of this relation with what I have called the ‘other’. For, as I stated so many times, it’s in this ‘other’ that I found myself. I feel that if I forget this, I risk forgetting something very important about life. I may not belief in an after-life, or maybe uncomfortable with talking about God, but this I understand. That, in each one of us, human beings we have a potential to build and a potential to destroy. However, I am not ready to go on living a life chasing an illusion that my life will go on forever. I’m not ready to persist in avoiding the fact that it is today and only today when I can act to change. And, it’s only today that I can express my gratitude and practice compassion to my fellow human beings. 

 

Not because they believe the same things I do. Not because I regard them as similar to me. Not even because I love them and they treat me well. Not even because they love and respect me. But, simply because we are human beings. 

 

And, about the purpose of your life? 

 

I can’t answer that. But, I must tell you, that if you genuinely want to find the answer, you must be willing to face your self and your strengths and weaknesses with an honest mind. You must be willing to bow down to the

people who are around you - not in submission - but to show your respect. Ultimately, it’s about living a life where it doesn’t really matter when death comes for you, with all your human limitations, have tried to live to the full. And, even if you fail, the fact that you have tried is still an affirmation of our shared human spirit!

 

THE END OF SERIes!

A Moment of Meditation

There it was. Then it was gone just like that! This post is about today, and about every day. This post is about me, but about everyone. This post is meant to communicate a thought and express an emotion and a state of mind. But, it will not necessarily succeed. And,to be honest, the odds are against it. So, why write it anyway?

 

The reason, I think, is that today seemed to be going to be just like any other day. I woke up with the usual pain and stiffness of an early arthritis. I struggled to get out of bed to travel to work. Nothing different. And, perhaps, this is what made it sort of special. There was no pain I couldn’t bear, even if there could have been. I was aware of an experience that happened so often in my life that I never really noticed before. I realised, no, I felt the touch of a soft wind blowing over my skin through the open window. I felt a temporary relief from the summer heat wave taking over the country. I knew that I could do little to change the weather. I could only drink some water and keep myself cool.

 

This feeling of helplessness was, in a strange way, comforting. I had meditated for some time in the morning as I have somewhat neglected the practice for these last two days or so. There, I had come to really appreciate a realisation I had before but still resisted on an unconscious level. The realisation that all my life and all I thought I am didn’t make sense on their own. Inasmuch as the words on this page don’t have a meaning outside human language, so does my life make no sense outside of the human context.

 

I am, like the rest, seeking happiness. We want to be satisfied with our lives. And, yet, we firmly believe that our satisfaction and fulfilment can be found completely in the outside world. Yes, proper food and basic needs such as shelter and clothing (to mention the most basic) remain essential for our wellbeing. But, in addition to these, we need other things that are beyond all that.

We need to know because that makes us feel safe. We need to belong because that gives us a sense of identity and community. We need to love and be loved because gives us a sense of worth and dignity.

 

I spent many years believing the myth of perfection and the myth of independence. The self-made person. Yet, if you examine this idea that we are self-made or can buy our way to happiness, we realise how flawed this vision is. Indeed, how life denying it can be. For, it is a belief that contradicts reality. The reality that we, matter and energy are intrinsically and fundamentally bound together. The reality that who we presume we are is the product of many others who came before or who are with us. The reality that even our own conception is the result of other people. 

 

In this sense, we are one with many in more ways than we think. And, this is the essence of the helplessness I speak of here. The helplessness that exposes us to our inevitable dependence and vulnerability. A helplessness that doesn’t weaken us through despair and self-hate. Rather, a helplessness that opens our awareness to our humanity, to our basic connection to persons in the whole universe. A helplessness beyond scientific rationality or religious dogma. But the pure helplessness of a child who knows that he or she is indebted to all those around him or her for all she or he has. And it’s not a case of creating idols or worshipping those who help or support life.

 

It’s a helplessness that gives one permission to acknowledge one’s limits. That, while one should work to better one’s life and the life of others, failure is inevitable. Indeed, not even success can be ever guaranteed. It is with this awareness that I left my meditative state. It is this realisation that I need to live in appreciation of a  life more as I faced another day. It’s a recognition that I have come to expect so much from life that I missed how unique it was. How every day, I am going against all odds to go on and, in spite of all difficulties, I am still managing to prevail. Not out of any personal act of will but because I have been thrown in this life..

Now, as I end this entry, I realise that the sense of peace I had throughout the ay following my meditation is no longer present. It seemed to have waned. Yet, this should be another lesson I guess. For, in an attempt to capture the mystery of the moment, I have lost its spirit. I did the same thing a trophy hunter does. In an attempt to capture the life and force of a gracious lion, he shoots it and stuffs the dead lion to enjoy it in his private quarters and show it off to friends. But, then, he also kills the very thing he sought to preserve.

 

I, you and everyone has been given something unique without having deserved it. It’s up to you whether you believe that God or any other entity or force gave you this life. It’s not even that important whether you believe in another life after this - although it is a worthwhile thing to hope for. The reality is that we are living today. Tomorrow is, as I said before, only a promise and an unknown space in the future.

 

Today, is what we know we have. This moment in time that is possible only because of a network of causes and conditions (mostly beyond our  control. Not only do we owe our survival to others beyond ourselves, but may also have to admit that who we are only exists in the present context.

 

We are helpless, dependent and vulnerable in the present moment.

 

We are  also human with our limitations of knowing and doing.

 

But, in spite of all this, we are not helpless, useless or worthless.

 

Not if we are prepared to see each others as ourselves and be prepared to go beyond our own self-importance.

 

For, it might be too late before we realise that, like a joyous feeling, we are faced with the end. , realise that we have gone through this experience without really being aware of what we were actually living. 

 

And, wouldn’t that be tragic to realise that we have pursued a life avoiding the present moment hoping for the future that appeared to have no end.

 

But, alas, it had an end. Like this entry. 

What am I? The Second Question of Belonging.

Follows from Who am I?

 

 

I continue to reflect on the meaning of who I am as a human being today. In this entry, which started as a series of three questions on authentic being, I will try to put forward a few points for reflection. In particular, to answers to the question about what we are.

Even if there may be no real distinction between who we are and what we are, I feel that this question relates more to our sense of identity in the social and human context in which we live.

Today, I find that a common answer that is provided when asked about who we are is related either to our work or position within our family and other organisations. In this sense, what we are is sometimes understood by what we do. Indeed, many choose to define themselves by what they do in their daily life. Thus, many who find themselves without work for various reasons become, in a sense, ‘nothing’ or, at best, those ‘others’ in society that we talk about and not whom we talk with. They remain hidden in misconceptions and a kind of mystery. They are like ghosts who don’t belong neither the land of the living or the realm of the dead.

 

But, in truth, aren’t we all living ghosts? Robbed of our names, our religion, our politics, our philosophy, our social groups, and so on and so forth, what remains of us?

 

Assuming that we are born in society and grow among other human beings, we develop a sense of belonging. We are given a name that identifies us as an individual, we are born in a family or a community that endows us with a culture and heritage, we acquire a language or many languages which directs how we will express who we are. We may acquire religion or a philosophy about how the world works and about the meaning of life. This list goes on.

 

Yet, while there’s nothing wrong with the need to belong, it’s dangerous if our sense of belonging becomes more of an attachment and a vehicle to discriminate, denigrate and humiliate those outside our group. I feel that, even in my life, I felt an outsider and never really fitted in either the ‘normal’ society or the ‘special’ society of persons with impairments. Indeed, I was a disabled person who lived most of his early life with non-disabled people. Yet, I never felt I belonged anywhere in particular.

 

Now, I perhaps, know the reason. A reason that relates to answering the question of belonging - not just in my case but for everyone. And, the answer is really simple. We can proclaim we belong to a group and even express our pride in this. Such a thing is not wrong but it risks creating between us differences not based on facts or reality but rather on thoughts and misguided ideas. It can close our hearts to the commonality of the human experience with all its beauty and suffering. It also shuts our minds to ways to make things better for all of us and not for one particular group or not.

 

Then, what are we? We may rightly define ourselves in terms of our tradition, beliefs and ideas. Yet, the fact remains is that what we are cannot be bound to a set of thoughts or words. Indeed, what we are is human beings who have the potential to transcend our differences and even adapt ourselves to new situations and realities. Yet, the fact remains that we are dependent on others in this world. We cannot belong to ourselves for who we are is a product of our heritage of evolution and of human society. In this sense, we belong to humankind before anything else.

 

 Continues and ends with the last question Why am I?

Tomorrow ... It's the 6th July? So, It's HH 14th Dalai Lama's 77th birthdy!!!

Tomorrow,the 6th July 2012, his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama celebrates his 77th birthday. I have written an entry one year ago on that date, which I encourage you to read as well. In the post, simply entitled, “Celebrating  HH the 14th Dalai Lama's 76th Birthday”, I shared my experiences during my early readings of some of his works and the impressions of him as I watched YouTube videos where he talks. 

Since that time, I have continued to cultivate my practice and to grow in mindfulness and compassion. Over these months, I have read and listened to books, podcasts and talks on the teachings of Buddha (or dharma talks). I continue to learn and explore what it means to be a human being and have discovered a profound value in life that transcends all the attachments and limitations that we often choose to impose onto ourselves and on others. This, I learned is the real source of y suffering, or in Pali, ‘dukkha’.

I don’t feel that I have to convince you or anyone that the path I chose to go deeper into Buddhism is the right way for all. In fact, one thing that I always admired in HH the Dalai Lama was his appeal to first follow the spiritual tradition of your family and, then, if necessary, follow another path and not necessarily the Buddhist way either. I find myself now in a position when I can say, I have found meaning and peace in Buddhism.

And, here, I don’t mean that I have espoused the teaching and dogma of the religion such as the hierarchy of the many gods that can be found in the religious tradition. Indeed, unlike other faith traditions, God or any notions of a god are, somehow, irrelevant as we have the ultimate responsibility over our actions and on our happiness. Still, it would be unfair to call Buddhism as ‘atheistic’ but, rather, as ‘non-theistic’. 

I think that Buddhism did make me reconsider the representation of God or what God is or whether such a creator exists or not. I believe today that if we really wish to find God, God is to be found in the experience of life, in others and in ourselves. But, another thing I have learned through my readings of the Dalai Lama, is that often we become attached too much on ideas about who we are and giving undue importance to the things we have or the status and reputation we have gained in society rather than recognise how really temporary all these things are. 

How, we fail, many times to appreciate the life we’ve got, the life we have been given, the little time we have on this world. We fail to appreciate all the world, all the people and all the gifts we have that enable us to live another day. I, myself, have much to learn. 

As I prepare to welcome a new night and await another morning, I think about many things. I reflect about my life and how, even these hard times, I continue hoping in tomorrow. Not that I don’t get angry or sad, but putting things into perspective, I find refuge in the fact that nothing is permanent and, even if my life would end tomorrow, I did my best to be authentic and true to who I am.

For, as I spent time growing in my self-discovery, the more I realise how much this life is precious and how much more I’m limited and dependant. I smile as I remember HH Dalai Lama’s candid laugh and calm words. Words uttered without pretension or arrogance. Words spoken in the language of love and genuine compassion.

Happy birthday, Your Holiness!!!

A Haiku On Loneliness

For those who miss reading my haikus, you  might like to check out my blog at HaikuFlow where you can find all of the haikus I posted here and which I update regularly when I feel inspired. The latest entry is about loneliness. I know that it is a rather sad topic but it's part of being human. It's called "On Loneliness":

 

 From Haiku Flow

On Loneliness

We flee loneliness,

Afraid to face emptiness,

Deep in our beings.

 

let me know what you think...