A few hours from now it will be a new year. There have been a lot of things happening in the year that I’m leaving behind. I had my fair share of happy and difficult times. There were moments when I felt like crying and others when I was truly happy and at peace. I have learned a lot about myself over the last 365 days.. I have reflected about all the experiences that have shaken me and which touched me on a deeper level. I would be lying if I said that I have now all the answers but, what I can say is that the periods where I found the time to reflect and contemplate on the nature of existence has opened my awareness to a new reality.
Many of the things I learned I tried to record on the pages of this blog. I hope to have been faithful to my experiences. But, I admit, memory is what it is and how ever we try to reproduce it, we can never be totally sure that our memory reflects our real experience. Words, concepts and the world we built often shape the way we interpret our experience and how we view things. That why it is more important to be aware of ourselves because many times what we think is right and correct is but a product of other factors that create the illusion of order and continuity,.
I don’t intend this entry to be long. But I wonder what the next year will bring. There is so much that can happen. We live in a world full of uncertainty where nothing is permanent. We may think that how we look at things is complete and correct but we can never truly escape our past, our culture, our language and our history - to name just a few. We are intrinsically connected to those around us. We have much to learn about our world but we cannot learn that lot if we remain closed in our comfortable view of the world without thinking about the important things in life.
I will continue writing over the next year. Yet, there is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow or in the coming days, weeks or months. This is not being pessimistic or gloomy. It is being realistic. It is a reason to appreciate the life we have and to make a real effort to grow in understanding and to cultivate our compassion to other people. After all, we all face the same human experience of life,. A similar desire for peace and happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Reflections on a Waning Flame
It’s already 2 days since the world has celebrated Christmas. It’s also a few days to the festivities related to the new year. This year will be a year that some of us have heard before given its association with the Mayan prophecy foretelling a radical change in human history that should take place by the end of December 2012. There have been mixed reactions with the interpretations of this rediscovered Mayan prophecy based on the ancient Mayan calendar. But, in truth, we didn’t need a prophecy to come to the conclusion that our world and universe will not last forever. Yet, our fear and attachment to the material world is triggered whenever we sense a threat to our existence. It is a natural and human response.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Promises of Pain
Last Monday, I was given the bad news by my dentist that three teeth had simultaneously suffered a traumatic event and needed to be extracted as early as possible. Worse still, I was told that I could only have local anaesthetic for the procedure. I had hoped that since the extractions will be substantial and stressful to my body, I hoped that general anaesthesia will be an option. Over the last four days since I was informed that, one day or another in the next few weeks, I had to return to the dentist to have this procedure done, my thoughts have been preoccupied by the prospect of having this procedure. More precisely, I would imagine the pain I will have to endure. Even when I gathered my mind to meditate, my mind returned to this concern.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
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