A few hours from now it will be a new year. There have been a lot of things happening in the year that I’m leaving behind. I had my fair share of happy and difficult times. There were moments when I felt like crying and others when I was truly happy and at peace. I have learned a lot about myself over the last 365 days.. I have reflected about all the experiences that have shaken me and which touched me on a deeper level. I would be lying if I said that I have now all the answers but, what I can say is that the periods where I found the time to reflect and contemplate on the nature of existence has opened my awareness to a new reality.
Many of the things I learned I tried to record on the pages of this blog. I hope to have been faithful to my experiences. But, I admit, memory is what it is and how ever we try to reproduce it, we can never be totally sure that our memory reflects our real experience. Words, concepts and the world we built often shape the way we interpret our experience and how we view things. That why it is more important to be aware of ourselves because many times what we think is right and correct is but a product of other factors that create the illusion of order and continuity,.
I don’t intend this entry to be long. But I wonder what the next year will bring. There is so much that can happen. We live in a world full of uncertainty where nothing is permanent. We may think that how we look at things is complete and correct but we can never truly escape our past, our culture, our language and our history - to name just a few. We are intrinsically connected to those around us. We have much to learn about our world but we cannot learn that lot if we remain closed in our comfortable view of the world without thinking about the important things in life.
I will continue writing over the next year. Yet, there is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow or in the coming days, weeks or months. This is not being pessimistic or gloomy. It is being realistic. It is a reason to appreciate the life we have and to make a real effort to grow in understanding and to cultivate our compassion to other people. After all, we all face the same human experience of life,. A similar desire for peace and happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Reflections on a Waning Flame
It’s already 2 days since the world has celebrated Christmas. It’s also a few days to the festivities related to the new year. This year will be a year that some of us have heard before given its association with the Mayan prophecy foretelling a radical change in human history that should take place by the end of December 2012. There have been mixed reactions with the interpretations of this rediscovered Mayan prophecy based on the ancient Mayan calendar. But, in truth, we didn’t need a prophecy to come to the conclusion that our world and universe will not last forever. Yet, our fear and attachment to the material world is triggered whenever we sense a threat to our existence. It is a natural and human response.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Promises of Pain
Last Monday, I was given the bad news by my dentist that three teeth had simultaneously suffered a traumatic event and needed to be extracted as early as possible. Worse still, I was told that I could only have local anaesthetic for the procedure. I had hoped that since the extractions will be substantial and stressful to my body, I hoped that general anaesthesia will be an option. Over the last four days since I was informed that, one day or another in the next few weeks, I had to return to the dentist to have this procedure done, my thoughts have been preoccupied by the prospect of having this procedure. More precisely, I would imagine the pain I will have to endure. Even when I gathered my mind to meditate, my mind returned to this concern.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Living in Denial
The moments that I stop from my daily routine and sit in silence as I meditate have been unique. They are times of the day when I simply retreat to an inner place. Usually I try to set aside some time before sleeping to practice. I can't really explain what goes in my mind as I attempt to find peace and tranquility of mind. It's not rare that I find my thoughts shifting to other matters that relate to my life, such as things I have to do, things I need to check or emails I need to send. At other times, I find I discover within a profound sense of peace or, at times, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction with the way things are.
Perhaps a common misconception people have of meditation is that it is an escape from reality and an attempt to annihilate the self. Yet, what meditation does, or at least ought to do, is to make you more aware of who you are and to be mindful of ultimate reality. It encourages you to deal with a reality that is often taken for granted or even denied. Other than an escape from reality, it brings you closer to a deeper appreciation of the world, nature and life itself. It places the self in a context that is universal, connected to the world and others and affirms our common human experiences of disease, old age and death. It doesn't deny the self but emphasises that the self doesn't exist out of its own will but exists because there are conditions ranging from the most basic such as food and water to the more complex such as society and culture.
Unfortunately, we are becoming detached from the full human experience. Technology is becoming a source to escape from dealing with the real world. Yet, technology is not the problem but, I think, it's rather our desire to escape a reality that can be sometimes unpleasant or even painful. It is a natural fear of the unknown that resides beyond the reality of death and human suffering. We hide the sick and dying in institutions and, worse still, we avoid to be in the presence of those who are experiencing unavoidable suffering. It's as if the reality of our own fragility and mortality exposes us to the fact that, despite our social, political, religious or cultural differences, we cannot escape death.
Until we come to a point where we are aware and accepting of this reality, life will appear meaningless struggle which we strive to escape from. On the other hand, embracing our essential commonality as living beings enriches our lives and brings happiness to our daily life. First, of course, we must stop living in denial.
Perhaps a common misconception people have of meditation is that it is an escape from reality and an attempt to annihilate the self. Yet, what meditation does, or at least ought to do, is to make you more aware of who you are and to be mindful of ultimate reality. It encourages you to deal with a reality that is often taken for granted or even denied. Other than an escape from reality, it brings you closer to a deeper appreciation of the world, nature and life itself. It places the self in a context that is universal, connected to the world and others and affirms our common human experiences of disease, old age and death. It doesn't deny the self but emphasises that the self doesn't exist out of its own will but exists because there are conditions ranging from the most basic such as food and water to the more complex such as society and culture.
Unfortunately, we are becoming detached from the full human experience. Technology is becoming a source to escape from dealing with the real world. Yet, technology is not the problem but, I think, it's rather our desire to escape a reality that can be sometimes unpleasant or even painful. It is a natural fear of the unknown that resides beyond the reality of death and human suffering. We hide the sick and dying in institutions and, worse still, we avoid to be in the presence of those who are experiencing unavoidable suffering. It's as if the reality of our own fragility and mortality exposes us to the fact that, despite our social, political, religious or cultural differences, we cannot escape death.
Until we come to a point where we are aware and accepting of this reality, life will appear meaningless struggle which we strive to escape from. On the other hand, embracing our essential commonality as living beings enriches our lives and brings happiness to our daily life. First, of course, we must stop living in denial.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Meditation on Being and Doing
I have been reflecting a lot about my life in the last months and I must admit that I have grown in my understanding of what in life is really important. Once again, I come to that point where I ask myself where I’m going with my life. Questions like: Am I living the life I based on what I believe in? And, if my actions do not reflect who I believe I am, doesn’t that make the idea of who I am untrue or a deluded one? Can I maintain that who I am and what I do are two separate things and shouldn’t be mixed up?
In simple terms, I feel that what I do isn’t always a reflection of what I claim to value or believe in. Of course, there are factors that remain out of my control. But, then, there are many other things that I just avoided dealing with or hoped that they would somehow resolve themselves with time. Indeed, some issues do resolve themselves in time - and really only solved in time. But, there are other issues that will not go away on their own. Issues that involve the very core of my being. The sadness that comes with the realisation that I’m not doing enough or that my actions aren’t consistent with my values. And here is the dilemma. If my actions do not reflect my potential, am I really what I think I am?
The fact is that I want more than life I’m getting right now. Life is too short for me to preoccupy myself with things that, although important, are not ends in themselves. Things I already mentioned before, such as possessions, social positions or reputation. They will, like everything else, come to pass. They are impermanent. I won’t carry them after I die. What really matters is what I do and how I live my life. A life that, to be honest, is the only experience of being that I have experienced and can rlate to. For, if what I do manifests itself as opposite to who I am, what does that make me? If I didn’t try to be consistent with my values in my words, thoughts and actions, then can I truly claim that I believe in, for instance, truth, justice and compassion as part of what makes me who I am?
There is no simple answer to questions relating to one’s purpose in life. There have been many paths I followed which turned out to be blind alleys. It’s perhaps now that I’m waking up to a new awareness that I need to take greater responsibility over my own life. For, at the end of it all, it’s not what people think that matters but what you think of yourself. And if you fail trying, there’s that knowledge that you tried. But it has to be a sincere attempt to grow. A decision to make that shift from harbouring an idea of who you are to manifesting that being.
In simple terms, I feel that what I do isn’t always a reflection of what I claim to value or believe in. Of course, there are factors that remain out of my control. But, then, there are many other things that I just avoided dealing with or hoped that they would somehow resolve themselves with time. Indeed, some issues do resolve themselves in time - and really only solved in time. But, there are other issues that will not go away on their own. Issues that involve the very core of my being. The sadness that comes with the realisation that I’m not doing enough or that my actions aren’t consistent with my values. And here is the dilemma. If my actions do not reflect my potential, am I really what I think I am?
The fact is that I want more than life I’m getting right now. Life is too short for me to preoccupy myself with things that, although important, are not ends in themselves. Things I already mentioned before, such as possessions, social positions or reputation. They will, like everything else, come to pass. They are impermanent. I won’t carry them after I die. What really matters is what I do and how I live my life. A life that, to be honest, is the only experience of being that I have experienced and can rlate to. For, if what I do manifests itself as opposite to who I am, what does that make me? If I didn’t try to be consistent with my values in my words, thoughts and actions, then can I truly claim that I believe in, for instance, truth, justice and compassion as part of what makes me who I am?
There is no simple answer to questions relating to one’s purpose in life. There have been many paths I followed which turned out to be blind alleys. It’s perhaps now that I’m waking up to a new awareness that I need to take greater responsibility over my own life. For, at the end of it all, it’s not what people think that matters but what you think of yourself. And if you fail trying, there’s that knowledge that you tried. But it has to be a sincere attempt to grow. A decision to make that shift from harbouring an idea of who you are to manifesting that being.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Trivial Pursuit
We all seek to be happy and to find peace. Yet, many of us struggle to sustain a state of peace and happiness for much long. We are often taken up by factors present in the world around us. We often trust that our peace and happiness will come from the money we make, our social standing, the things we possess and our reputation (((to name just a few). We attempt to search for peace and happiness in external things which like a toy that, following our initial excitement and joy, joins the rest of the pile of old toys because we have outgrown it or have set our minds on something else.
The fact is that we cannot find any long lasting peace and happiness in external things. You must have heard this before but the way we live appears to suggest we don’t believe it. Instead, we believe that having more, achieving fame and fortune, acquiring goods and possessions, etc will bring about a life of peace and happiness. Sadly, I am not immune from this delusion myself. Many were the things I thought would improve my life and make me happy. Many were the things I believed would be solutions. But, when I think about it, these external objects were not the solutions to my problems. They only served to quench my desire for a short time, leaving behind them broken hopes and aspirations.
I believe that the main reason we fill our lives with what is external to us is because we feel empty inside. As a result, we fuel our desire for peace and happiness by wrongly attaching ourselves to objects we think we have power over or which we think we can control. But ironically, it is these objects through our attachment to them that end up conditioning our lives. They don’t control our lives but it is we who choose to let them rule over our lives. In this way, we give them an existence that they do not have in their own right. In believing that they can give us happiness or peace, we provide them with qualities they do not possess. Once we truly appreciate the implication of this realisation of the emptiness of things, the more we can understand how searching for happiness outside of ourselves is but a pointless and trivial pursuit.
The fact is that we cannot find any long lasting peace and happiness in external things. You must have heard this before but the way we live appears to suggest we don’t believe it. Instead, we believe that having more, achieving fame and fortune, acquiring goods and possessions, etc will bring about a life of peace and happiness. Sadly, I am not immune from this delusion myself. Many were the things I thought would improve my life and make me happy. Many were the things I believed would be solutions. But, when I think about it, these external objects were not the solutions to my problems. They only served to quench my desire for a short time, leaving behind them broken hopes and aspirations.
I believe that the main reason we fill our lives with what is external to us is because we feel empty inside. As a result, we fuel our desire for peace and happiness by wrongly attaching ourselves to objects we think we have power over or which we think we can control. But ironically, it is these objects through our attachment to them that end up conditioning our lives. They don’t control our lives but it is we who choose to let them rule over our lives. In this way, we give them an existence that they do not have in their own right. In believing that they can give us happiness or peace, we provide them with qualities they do not possess. Once we truly appreciate the implication of this realisation of the emptiness of things, the more we can understand how searching for happiness outside of ourselves is but a pointless and trivial pursuit.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Fruits of Cooperation
When I was still a teenager, I participated in a simple enough team building exercise. A balloon was tied to our legs and the only instruction we received was to make sure that we preserved our balloon for five minutes. The person who still had a balloon tied to his or her leg after five minutes,won the game. At the time, I could still walk but it I couldn't compete with others. As the exercise started, every one proceeded to burst the other's balloon. I don't recall how long my balloon remained intact but it didn't take long I am sure. By the end of the exercise, all balloons were burst and no one had saved the balloon. While this exercise might seem childish, as I reflect more on the concept of interdependence, the more I realise how this simple exercise speaks volumes about human nature that is under the illusion that it's independent of others and which believes that it exists in its own right.
Like the participants in the balloon exercise, we assume that the only way to make it through life is to be better than others. That by resorting to any means to get what we want, we will gain happiness. True, we may feel happy and proud of having prevailed after winning over our competition but are we really winners? What if we made sure that our happiness doesn't have to come at the expense of others' happiness? Indeed, what if we helped in enriching the lives of others by making sure they find their own happiness? That we help them gain freedom from suffering created by a belief that the only happiness can be attained if they had it for themselves? or for a select few? These are not easy questions and in today's world, with its stress on individuality and competition, it might be unfashionable to speak of community and cooperation.
In this sense, our lives are not that different from the situation faced in the balloon exercise. In an attempt to preserve our happiness and protect our identity, we assume that the only way to be happy is by having something more than our neighbour. When, if you think about it, if we just waited those five minutes without bursting our peer's balloons, we could have all been winners! But it only took one to start the havoc. Perhaps it can take one person to start the change for the better. And this person may be you or me.
It's really our choice...
Like the participants in the balloon exercise, we assume that the only way to make it through life is to be better than others. That by resorting to any means to get what we want, we will gain happiness. True, we may feel happy and proud of having prevailed after winning over our competition but are we really winners? What if we made sure that our happiness doesn't have to come at the expense of others' happiness? Indeed, what if we helped in enriching the lives of others by making sure they find their own happiness? That we help them gain freedom from suffering created by a belief that the only happiness can be attained if they had it for themselves? or for a select few? These are not easy questions and in today's world, with its stress on individuality and competition, it might be unfashionable to speak of community and cooperation.
In this sense, our lives are not that different from the situation faced in the balloon exercise. In an attempt to preserve our happiness and protect our identity, we assume that the only way to be happy is by having something more than our neighbour. When, if you think about it, if we just waited those five minutes without bursting our peer's balloons, we could have all been winners! But it only took one to start the havoc. Perhaps it can take one person to start the change for the better. And this person may be you or me.
It's really our choice...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)