A Meditation on Being and Doing

I have been reflecting a lot about my life in the last months and I must admit that I have grown in my understanding of what in life is really important. Once again, I come to that point where I ask myself where I’m going with my life. Questions like: Am I living the life I based on what I believe in? And, if my actions do not reflect who I believe I am, doesn’t that make the idea of who I am untrue or a deluded one? Can I maintain that who I am and what I do are two separate things and shouldn’t be mixed up?

In simple terms, I feel that what I do isn’t always a reflection of what I claim to value or believe in. Of course, there are factors that remain out of my control. But, then, there are many other things that I just avoided dealing with or hoped that they would somehow resolve themselves with time. Indeed, some issues do resolve themselves in time - and really only solved in time. But, there are other issues that will not go away on their own. Issues that involve the very core of my being. The sadness that comes with the realisation that I’m not doing enough or that my actions aren’t consistent with my values. And here is the dilemma. If my actions do not reflect my potential, am I really what I think I am?

The fact is that I want more than life I’m getting right now. Life is too short for me to preoccupy myself with things that, although important, are not ends in themselves. Things I already mentioned before, such as possessions, social positions or reputation. They will, like everything else, come to pass. They are impermanent. I won’t carry them after I die. What really matters is what I do and how I live my life. A life that, to be honest, is the only experience of being that I have experienced and can rlate to. For, if what I do manifests itself as opposite to who I am, what does that make me? If I didn’t try to be consistent with my values in my words, thoughts and actions, then can I truly claim that I believe in, for instance, truth, justice and compassion as part of what makes me who I am?

There is no simple answer to questions relating to one’s purpose in life. There have been many paths I followed which turned out to be blind alleys. It’s perhaps now that I’m waking up to a new awareness that I need to take greater responsibility over my own life. For, at the end of it all, it’s not what people think that matters but what you think of yourself. And if you fail trying, there’s that knowledge that you tried. But it has to be a sincere attempt to grow. A decision to make that shift from harbouring an idea of who you are to manifesting that being.