Is there life after FaceBook?

L)) Listen to a recent episode with the same name I published oN my podcast channel at AudioBoo

FaceBook Memories

Last week, I took what seemed, at first, to be a difficult decision. I de-activated my FaceBook account. Even if I can re-activate my account within a time window, it’s unlikely for me to return. I admit that I was pretty excited when I started using FaceBook for the first time. It felt good to see more ‘friends’ and acquaintances joining me as a ‘friend’. Indeed, over the years, I did gain a modest number of followers, including new and old friends, schoolmates, relatives and had the chance to connect with like minded people.

Disenchantment

On the other hand, I have grown weary about what FaceBook has become. While I find that the idea of social networks and FaceBook in particular, to be a positive one, I regret that, on its part, FaceBook has sold its soul (if social networks can have one) to businesses and companies. Unfortunately, as a FaceBook user, I noticed that many of those using what is now a social network giant don’t yet understand the implications of posting stuff on the platform.

In fact, people have been posting updates about the most trivial things happing in their lives, posting photos that may be inappropriate or sharing ‘feel good’ updates or ‘feel bad’ updates to gain attention. We also sometimes tend to post status updates to provoke controversy. All in all, we seek to create an identity and seek to be popular - even if it means portraying ourselves as tragic victims. Worse still, we fill our profiles with details about who we are or what we do to the whole world to find. Things that we might not be comfortable sharing with a person we met in the street, we are ready to tell the world.

A Privacy Lost

Many people have rightly expressed their concerns following Edward Snowden's revelations that the US government Is monitoring the activities of its citizens, and most likely, other citizens from other countries to protect “national security”. But, forgetting this issue for today, these concerns arise because we value our privacy. After all, we want to keep aspects of our lives to ourselves. However, our insistence on the ‘sacred’ right to privacy seems to be inconsistent with how we behave on FaceBookFaceBook activity is also precious information for businesses to use and exploit for their own business interests. A thing that we make easier for those seeking to make more profit whenever we press LIKE on a particular product and service. While this can help the company improve their service, it is also somewhat an invasion of our privacy, It night even mean that we are valuing products as people. For, in truth, the FaceBook started off as a network of friends, it has been colonised by an aggressive commercialisation where objects become our friends and friends, in a way, become objects.

Sadly, I realise that FaceBook is neither the utopian social network which connects people from around the world to encourage dialogue and mutual understanding. Yes, there are some groups and individuals who are engaging in a dialogue to promote peace and justice around the world. Yet, as with anything we create as human beings, FaceBook has been the meeting place for those who spread hate or intolerance to others, including far right groups and those groups which implicitly support homophobia, people of different race, faith or disability. This tendency for us to form our own affiliations even if they condone hate crime or violence, is a reality. And if a group is private, FaceBook can be a place where we limit ourselves to reading from people who have our opinions without even giving the chance for us to hear a different opinion than our own.

Again, I am not condemning FaceBook or those who use it. For all I know, I might return. However, I believe that I have become too dependent on FaceBook to the extent that I wasn’t sure whether I could live without it. A feeling I am sure some readers can relate to. I haven’t become addicted to FaceBook. But, then again, I had a life before FaceBook. We all had. In a way, FaceBook. I thank all of you who joined me on FaceBook is not going to be there forever. And it could continue to change too much.

I left FaceBook tO regain my authenticity and grow in self-knowledge without having to adopt an identity that is NOT who I am!


PS: I will still be on Twitter though - so you can still connect with me @GordonGT!

Burying the Self

I am.

Can I proceed and add more to that sentence without risking becoming someone that is really not who I am. Apart from that, aren’t the words “I am” already presenting a lot as these two words attempt to capture an idea that can only be poorly represented using language.

I have been engaging in deep meditation for some time. However, I have realised that, even when we think we can better relate to the world, the truth is that we must come to a point when we become aware of the empty nature of things. The statement “I am” attempts to describe what cannot adequately expressed using the conventional means of communication. There’s no single aspect of who we are that can define who we are.

While the person we call ‘self’ is real in a sense, in many ways this ‘self’ is just a product of the interactions that are happening in our minds and bodies.

Sadly, we are often too attached to the way we have come to see our selves than to reflect on who we actually are. We are separate and unique selves but, at the same time, who we are is intrinsically linked to the world around us. We are part of nature but we remain distinct, in some way, from nature. We can be with others as one but still retain our own identities.

Naturally, we tend to associate ourselves with a group of friends, be part of a community where we can share our beliefs. Find that we like a particular form of music or read books that seem to talk to us. Inasmuch as all this and more can help us in getting to know the world and who we are, they can never define who we are. Not even religion or science or even art can define who we are. It may define our ‘self’ in the world but they don’t tell us anything about who we are.

The unfortunate thing is that we tend to define who we are in these terms. We talk about who we are referring to our work, our religion, our position in the family and so on. But, if everything else was taken away from us. Or, else, we come to the point when we have to face our own death, how would we define who we are then? If we think of the story we built to define who we are, would we have a rope to keep us from drowning into desperation?

Of course, the self remains an important aspect of who we are as it helps us function in the world. Yet, there is more to us than this self. For, positive as it might be, this self is constantly changing. It is changing right now as I type this entry. Your self is changing as you read this entry. It is in this space where we pause from the writing of our life story that we can find who we are. In it’s in that split second when we have to decide what to do and what to think that we may hope to find ourselves.

It is difficult in today’s world to retreat to a place where we can be really silent and aware of what we are thinking. As I grow in my practice of meditation, I realise just how much ‘noise’ is going on in my mind during the day. But, now, I have come to realise that who I am goes beyond what I thought I was.

However, it remains hard to completely detach myself from the story I Have constructed to define who I am. Yet, while that doesn’t mean I want to annihilate the self that helps me function in society, it does mean that I am more aware of the fact that my life will change and my life will end. I cannot hope that someday I will be happy or, worse still, seek to bring back an ideal past.

Here, I must be ready to bury my old self and live again.

Is this the begining of the end of human civilisation?

This morning, I heard that North Korea appears to be arming itself for battle. At the point of writing, I don't think we should panic. However, I believe the international community should be more concerned than it has appeared to be so far. The threat of North Korea to use nuclear weapons on other countries is too horrifying to contemplate.

I'm worried because any degree of nuclear force, especially in populated areas, would mean the death of millions in a matter of hours and the impact of the nuclear attack would continue to have an impact not just the populations directly affected but to the whole world. Indeed, it would be like hell on Earth. Just do a search on the horrors of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We can't afford a nuclear disaster as it would certainly bring about an apocalyptic end to humanity.

I hope the leaders of the world join together to find ways to bring about a peaceful solution to the conflict. Nuclear conflict will potentially bring about the fall of humanity. It's ironic that all human civilisation may be brought down by the energy of a quantum particle. It's equally ironic that a discovery which had the potential to change the world for the better could b used to destroy it. It seems that nuclear energy will remain a threat in the foreseeable future. If there is a future at all.

Yes, there is part of me that is a bit scared of the prospect of a full blown nuclear war. I fear to die and fear to live if I did survive the disaster. I fear to lose the world I know. Yet, I am also aware that our death is always a possibility that is waiting to happen. Unless we don't choose to end our lives, the day and hour of our death remains a mystery to us. I know that this is out of my control but I can only hope and pray that world leaders take the right decision. One that is peaceful and open to dialogue.

Of course, North Korea might remain closed and obstinate in its deadly plans. I'm sorry for the people of North Korea because they have been cut off from the world to the extent that they might not even realise that these actions by its totalitarian ruler could bring about their end and all that we have build together as human beings. This is the time to talk and communicate. It's time to listen and receive. But, then, we may still find ourselves having to face the end of human civilisation.

No, this isn't going to be the end of the Earth. Humanity might leave considerable damage to life on this planet. But, as history tells us, life will prevail and continue to multiply. In this sense, the world doesn't need us to save it. Rather, we have to admit that we may need to be saved from our own selves.

We seem to have continued our old ways in spite of the fact that we knew the environmental damage we were doing everyday. We have gone through our lives building walls between each other based on superficial differences.

Perhaps this is the right time to start building bridges and reconcile together. A time when we can appreciate te the fact we have a common humanity and to celebrate our human diversity.

Even if we may be too late to save ourselves, we still hope in the future. Nobody knows the future. But, we all must die at one point or another. A time may come, hopefully in the distant future, when we will realise how stupid it was of us to think that our lives will remain the same forever. However, when that time comes and we fail to appreciate our Earth and all the people and beings that surround us, we will have to admit that we never enjoyed what we had but now was too late to do anything.

The Refuge of Silence

As the days pass by, little seems to have changed since I was discharged from hospital. Thankfully, my pain has gradually decreased and while I still need more days of bed rest, if things go well, I should be on ny way to a good recovery. However, these days I was forced to reflect on the experiences that I've gone through and what I'm feeling right now.

First, I wonder where this sense of emptiness that visits me at times is coming from.

Second, there's a sense of longing. Longing for better health. Longing to restore what I had before. Thoughts, that if not recognised, risk sucking you into the traps of self-pity and stasis - where there is no growth or possibility.

By now, I accept the fact that my body needs to take its time to recover. Of course, I must do my part to help in the process. I have had the time to finish reading a few books which were on ny reading list as well. So, it's not that bad if I can make the best of it and learn new ideas in the process.

Having said that, in this particular situation which I'm in where my life is on pause node, there are moments when I meditate about all this in silence. For I might escape in a world that bombards us with information and constant stimulation, but how can I expect to be happy if I don't bitter to get to know who I an. How can I hope to know what truly fulfils me and satisfies me in life?

Thus, I return to silence. Not the silence of indifference or aversion vbut the silence that choosers to receive and consolidates without impositions or conditions. A silence that accepts and adapts to what truly is without the urge to dominate.

The silence between these words we write, speech we utter - the blank spaces and breaks. The silence that give music rhythm and melody that would be just annoying noise devoid of life.

This silence is important to me.

Until next time.

The True Meaning of Charity (Part 3)

GO TO PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

As a disabled child, I was angered by people who thought they had the authority to judge who I was. Others who took it upon themselves to define me. To rob me of any claims to individual identity. I know it was wrong of me. However, given the oppressive ideas of who I should be coming from society, I rejected my body and attached myself to a false idea that I was “normal” whatever that word meant. This might be the only way I could escape from sinking into dependence or of submitting to a poor idea of what I could achieve or who I should be. Unfortunately, as we try to deny part of who we are - in my case, the body - we  are also denying to recognise our human reality - choosing instead the safety to an attachment to a fiction that, inevitably, creates dukkha or dissatisfaction.

 

However, before we can take the step and recognise that what we have taken to be “charity” so far has been largely a monetary exchange to calm our conscience. Our practice of “charity” has often been a way to escape from the reality of life and of human injustice. It may have been a way to avoid facing the person we deem to be “In need”. When, in truth, we are simply distancing ourselves because we think we are better persons and, in some perverse way, may even believe that the people going through hard times somehow deserve it. This isn’t real charity however. It shouldn’t be the intention of performing an act of charity for sure.

 

What charity means, according to my current understanding, is the act of being there with the other person. Not believing you are in any way better or more fortunate. It’s an act where you give yourself to the other, placing secondary importance to any differences that are imposed by society. It means accepting the person as a unique individual and at the same time you acknowledge the differences where appropriate, charity requires us to look at the other as a human being. Like us, vulnerable to the process of growth and decay, but also singular in his/her expression of humanity. Genuine charity cannot be separated from compassion. For, in a sense, charity and compassion are, in their true sense, manifestations of the human need to love and belong.

 

While false charity singles out the person in need as someone external to the ideal of humanity, true charity and compassion recognise that the ideal is flawed as it doesn’t exist in the real world. People are not healthy all the time. People get old. people die. And, as for impairment, many people acquire an impairment as they grow older. Thus, it’s the idea of a perfect, healthy and “normal” body which is, in effect, the abnormality here. No such persons who defy the process of nature exist in the physical world we inhabit. And, it’s time that we change our idea of charity from a means to appease our egos and forfeit our human responsibilities to our brothers and sisters, and really practice a compassion that recognises the singularity and uniqueness of the other and, yet, embraces the other as part of his or her own human family.

 

The meaning of charity is about being fully human and opening our heart and mind to others. Not for the sake of feeling or looking good. It’s about reaching out to the other without the shackles of prejudice and pride and vanity. It means being there sharing in the experience of life without imposing yourself on the other but listening to the heart of the other as a person first.

 

As HH the 14th Dalai Lama reminds us:

 

If you want to be happy, 

practice compassion.

If you want others to be happy,

Practice compassion... 

 

Only genuine charity and true compassion can guarantee long lasting happiness for us and to the world that surrounds us.

THE END

The True Meaning of Charity (Part 2)

GO TO PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

I felt that this background information about my past is important in order for one to better understand the other side. That is, the side of the one “supposedly needing charity”. For, unfortunately, while, rightly or wrongly, many praise the efforts of those who help a particular cause, it’s often the case that those who are “in need of help” remain hidden or even distorted to pull at the heartstrings of potential alms giver. And while the media may attempt to reach out to the people that are facing difficult life circumstances, the lives of such people is often misconstrued to fit into the idea that these situations arise only out of misfortune and society appears to have had no part of the play in maintaining a state of inequality or poverty.

 

As a disabled person, I can speak of my experiences as a disabled person. At the same time, while I share my experience of disability with many other disabled people, my experience is also unique and individual. Not every disabled person may have had the same experience of a boyhood which included a conflict between the ideal of a mind persistently contradicted by for what was, for many, an abnormal body. These are the thoughts and feelings that resurface every time I am witness to manifestations of so-called “charity”. But, on reflecting on my life experiences, I realise that our modern conceptions of “Charity” have seldom to do with the idea of charity as it was originally intended. 

 

In fact, what “”charity” has come to mean today is a market exchange where people can calm their consciences by exchanging money instead of bothering to look at others (deemed less fortunate) as equals. In this, modern “charity” is diametrically opposed to the original meaning of a charity that doesn’t seek for its own self. Don’t get me wrong, money is an important element that can help people get out of difficult situations and live a better quality of life they deserve. However, what I have an  issue with is the intention behind the modern constructions of charity. Indeed, those society judges in need of charity are, in many cases, put across as undesirables, broken or wretched and “lives not worth living”..

 

CONTINUED TO PART 3

The True Meaning of Charity (Part 1)

GO TO PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

 

Each year, during this time, I feel a feeling of unease and inadequacy as charity events aimed at collecting funds to help the most needy and, alas, “less fortunate” amongst us. I feel this sense that, as a person, I am somehow less than my friends, family and other human beings living in the world. Having an impairment and consequently experiencing the effects of a disabling society, which sometimes chooses to exclude me and pretends  to  be entitled to speak on my behalf, makes me feel like an object to be used for other people’s  ends and a subject to be spoken about and rarely as a whole person. Indeed, so-called “charity” events seem to inflate the false idea that disabled people are not like other human beings.

 

I regret that I have been uncomfortable to acknowledge my physical reality - my impairment. However, as I have grown to embrace the Buddhist outlook, I acknowledge that my body is part of who I am. Indeed, it has made me who I am today. While some voices in society may dismiss my body as deficient and deformed in some way, the body remains the only means by which I can relate to the world. We are not minds (or souls) trapped in bodies. Both mind and body possess the qualities that make me the persons we are today. Attempting to divide these two aspects of our humanity risks to destroy the value of our integrity as whole persons.

 

Unfortunately, how society talks of the body appears to put across an impossible ideal of the healthy, permanent and fully functional body. Any other variations to this idea are, at best, put across as incomplete or, at worse, unworthy of life. I learned since I was young that my body was the problem. Sadly, this meant that I grew to hate my body and indulged in a fantasy of a disembodied mind. I sought refuge in applying my mind to learn, think and many a time sought to overstrain my body to please those around me. Don’t get me wrong, any physical achievement gives me pleasure and satisfaction back then as it does today. Yet, at the same time, the moments when my body didn’t deliver could become times of great personal failure and guilt for not living up to the high expectations of others that were often unrealistic and, frankly, unreachable given my physical condition.

CONTINUED TO PART 2

An Old Self That Clings On

It’s the end of another day and as I take a good look at myself, I realise how much I have changed on one level and, yet, how difficult it is to manifest these changes. Indeed, during the times I’m alone and have to face my inner being, if you may, I do notice a conflict between who I am discovering to be authentic about who I am and how I come across to the outside world.

It’s not that I’m living a double life or expressing two completely different identities. Both this new sense of being and the old self seem to co-exist but, at the same time, each self has a story and a history and world view. These may be not necessarily opposite and they certainly don’t represent any split personality. They are more like an inner light that is hidden away by clouds. While the light is there and sometimes feel strong and clearly visible, circumstances only serve to obscure the beauty of this light with its preoccupation with what should be and a dissatisfaction (dukkha) that diminishes our appreciation of the present moment.

I do realise that there is a struggle between part of my being which opens my heart to a basic humanity. A being, so often misrepresented by popular media, of a compassion beyond conditionality or status. A compassion that recognises a universal dependence our essential impermanence.

Yet, it’s not easy to start to be the change you want to see in the world (to take line from Gandhi). It is painful because the safety of habit and the life we get used to provide us with a sense of comfort and relief. Considering another way appears too painful - not just for us but, yes, also for others in our life. A change of mind and engagement with our harts and the hearts of others requires more of us than simply uttering a few words of allegiance or a prayer. It may require to accept our nothingness in the light of a vast universe. It may mean recognising that our life is an ordinary life when compared to the life of the people inhabiting this world. It may be extraordinary in many other ways, but we all have to go through the same stages of life.

The habits we inherit from our previous past remain part of who we are today. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing and I believe I must accept that I have lived a life in the past I may need to change some aspects of this past. I feel that without accepting the reality of the past, there can be no growth and a great risk of getting too attached to truths that present themselves as absolute and never changing. Reality - a reality, which in itself, is ever changing and always being renewed.

In this sense, a radical rejection of the past would mean uprooting our roots without finding fertile soil to grow our sense of being. At least, at this point, I do find it difficult to really express what I feel inside. And I can’t expect that I will change overnight. But change must happen progressively like any process of growth one finds in nature. For, yes, we remain creatures of nature. Unique and impermanent.

Lets Talk about Pain...

When I started writing this entry, it started raining. Now, the rain seems to have stopped and I expect it to rain again in a few minutes. I Love this weather but I enjoy it most when I am indoors.

Yet, even if I usually enjoy being indoors listening to an audiobook in bed, for example, when it’s raining, my positive experience is dampened by a persisting pain in my back muscles. I have meditated during these moments of pain but I still need more practice in effectively accepting the experience of pain. However, while meditation does help address the suffering caused by pain, it’s a misconception to believe that “it’s all in the mind”.


Indeed, Buddhism doesn’t deny that there is a biological factor involved in the experience of pain. However, Buddhism makes an important distinction between pain and suffering (or more accurately “dukkha”). In this sense, while pain is real, discomfort itself or how we relate to this pain causes the real suffering. Thus, by choosing to reject or deny our experience of our present pain, we give this pain control over ourselves. We become slaves of an idyllic past and mourning a future that never was. By resisting pain, we don’t change and, if there’s no change we are bound to wither and die.


This may all sound defeatist, but I’m not saying that one shouldn’t take any action to reduce pain. However, an experience of pain can teach us about what it means to be human. It reminds me that I am limited. I am reminded that I share with others in a human experience,.

I discover that, in spite of any pretensions, my body is no different to that of other living beings. Pain is an invitation to appreciate how precious life and how life is impermanent and how it could end at any minute.


With all its unpleasantness and discomfort, pain awakens us to the present moment.

And, the only moment that we can truly change is but now.

For, like the rain, our lives can end at any time.

A Nomadic Life

In a few hours’ time, I’ll be returning back home from my summer house. By this time, I should get used to move back and forth between the two houses during the summer break. My family has been doing it almost every year since I was a child.

But this entry isn’t really about moving back to another house. It’s about home and its place in our life. For, throughout our lives, it appears to me that we’re searching for home where we find security. Where we are safe, uncomfortable and free from the problems of the world. Yet, I believe that although we think of “home” as a location in time and place, this isn’t the case.

Our lives is in a constant state of change. We may only guess that tomorrow things will be almost the same as usual but, in truth, tomorrow remains unknown. We may feel happy with our life right now and we do well to enjoy what we have. On the other hand, we must be careful not to base our happiness on what we have. No, not even get attached to our physical homes as there will be one day when we have to change everything.

And, when we lose what we had, we might discover an emptiness borne out of a false happiness. Indeed, even if we live in homes (if we’re lucky), a home remains a building of wood or stone. We’re the ones who imbue it with properties beyond itself.

I sometimes think of my life as a nomadic existence. I don’t know if you can understand. I have undergone radical changes in my life when I thought I had finally find fulfilment and happiness. I believed that change would lead me to a better life if I attained a goal or got a new gadget to play with. I found out that I had been misguided.

Like a nomad, I must learn that I will, one day, have to move on. Like a nomad, I need to find the strength and support to adapt to new realities. Like a nomad, I need to accept the fact that what I have can be snatched away from me without warning.

I confess that I share these thoughts because I know that soon I’ll be moving on once again from my winter home to another place. While I’m excited by the prospect of gaining more independence, there’s still a sadness and fear of moving on to an unknown place and to an unknown future.

Perhaps I need to recognise that I can only find true refuge in my heart and mind. That’s my home which I must dwell in until the moment of my death.

The Ethics of No Self

Last Friday, I found myself in the front garden of our summer home waiting for a van that seemed will be delayed. I had to wait. But, as I breathed in the fresh air of the summer morning. As I felt the gentled breeze of a cool morning on my face and hands, I felt at peace. I was lost. I felt no pain. The only thing I noticed was perhaps the cool air filling my lungs. But, eventually, I wasn’t there any more.

I was still aware of my sensory perceptions. Yet, at the same time, I was there but not there. I had, at that moment, no pain, no worries and no wants or needs. In that state of awareness, it didn’t even matter who I was any more. In a way, it was like sleep. Indeed, it was like I was dead to the world. Everything was alright. It didn’t matter what happened to me. And, in truth, I had no real control over many of what happened in my life.

And, as I emerged from that state of no self, I realised that what seemed like a very long time was actually just about five minutes. Where was I during that time? Was death just the cessation of all suffering that is caused by our attachment to a self? Indeed, was the self, a delusion and had no basis in fact? I pondered my thought further. For, what I felt or did not feel, during that moment was a realisation that I shouldn’t fear death that much.

Here, I’m not saying that life is to be wasted or that life is devoid of value. What I am saying that, often, it is that we become so attached to our ‘self’, that we forget that our ‘self’ constantly depends on our minds and bodies, on our world and on the people around us. In addition, there will be a time when we are not. And that is not an unfinished sentence. For, yes, when we die, we will not be who we (think) we are today. Indeed, it wouldn’t really matter to us who we are for we would not be able to conceive a separate identity or even of a ‘self’.

Of course, there was a time when I was not. A time when none of us were. For me, it was just before the 1980s. Yes, the time before I was even conceived! In this sense, there was a time when who I was wasn’t important. A time beyond self. And, this might be the truth about who we are. Or, rather, about who we are NOT. For, whether we believe it or not, our self may not be based on reality because an ‘objective’ reality never exists for us or any living being. This is because we will always experience our world through our senses. In a way, none of us can claim to have authority over truth.

Again, I’m not saying that there is no truth. What I am saying that we don’t have the capability to know absolute truths. There will always be a piece of the puzzle missing or, indeed, we may not have the means to find that piece in the present. We live in our own realities, if you may, and our sense of self may help us to better connect the fragments together. Yet, it would be a mistake to conclude that our final picture is the truth.

Who would we be without feeling? Without thought? Without emotions? Without society? Without the world? Without language? I could go on asking and asking more questions. But, I believe, that the answer to all these questions is simply that we would be not. After last Friday’s meditation, I realised how futile it is for us to give our ‘self’, an existence and importance as if we could exist without the smallest of living beings and without our brothers and sisters who form part of our human family.

Understanding this, I believe, is understanding the ethics of no self. For, if who we are closes our hearts and minds to others, then we are living the delusion of the self.

Suffering and the Middle Way

One important thing I learned since taking up a daily Buddhist practiced was that I knew so little about who I am and about my relation to the world we inhabit. It wasn’t a journey without its pain and disappointment to discover that I wasn’t really that ‘special’. Even, as a human being, I did on many levels seek to stand out from the crowd. I also found out that I cannot find true happiness in external things and I should seek it inside.

I was never truly happy and was no stranger to physical pain either. However, the moments that caused me the greatest pain weren’t not only the ones when I felt physical pain. Rather, I felt more pain when people defined me as a ‘sufferer’ and not even bother to get to know me as a whole person. And while physical pain can become unbearable, we often try to distance ourselves from people who remind us of own helplessness and mortality. A reality that we must all face..

We may insist that physical suffering is always wrong but, on the other hand, we cannot deny that suffering can have a value. When my medical condition worsened or when my impairments regressed, I spent precious time wasted away in self-pity and anger. I wanted things to return to how they were before. Yet, I was actually hanging on to an unrealistic aspiration and had, for a time, attached myself to an unchanging self-image.

 

Even if Buddha’s first Noble Truth is often mistranslated to ‘life is suffering’ from the Pali word “Dukkha”, the closest translation of "dukkha"is actually “dissatisfaction”. While physical pain can be cause for suffering, Buddha was referring to the pain caused by our delusion that our lives are permanent and the things we possess have permanent natures. My understanding of dukkha is that arises out of of our attachment or clinging to a state that doesn’t have an objective reality.

Unfortunately, while we may take refuge in dukkha, there will always be occasions when we realise the folly of the belief in permanence. For if we’re honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our very human being cannot be separated from the awareness of our mortality. An awareness of death can also explain why we strive to leave a mark on the memories of our loved ones and the world after our inevitable death. We may find that we are striving to leave a part of who we are on those we leave behind. We may seek meaning for our impermanence in death. We may seek to leave a mark on the world through art and science. We may seek comfort in religion or philosophy. Yet, we hate to admit that, like little children, we are scared of dying.

 

We have so much that we lose. Worse of all, who who would we be if I lost who we are. The thing is that we do not know. We may pretend to have faith in the after-life or hold a particular religion to guide us, we are still unsure about what will happen after death. Even if it’s inevitable, death is a frightening prospect. There is still a hope that life will, somehow, go on. Even if we may not believe in an after-life, we don’t take our life for granted. We may even grip to the present life because we believe that this is, in fact, where life is. There will be none after and there was none before. Yet, we forget that who are we are is a result of a process that wouldn’t be possible without others, without society and without a community. Indeed, we are deluded by the myth that we can ever truly be independent.

Not even if we are deserted on an island, can we claim to be truly independent from food that sustains us and water that quenches our thirst. Denying that would be denying our humanity. And, even if it’s not a popular view,, we remain vulnerable and fragile just another human beings and - as another animal. Sadly, interpretations of religion has resulted in an anthropocentric view of the world and a denial of the importance of the body and its rejection. On the other hand, science can reduce the body to an object of research and human beings that are basically bunch a of cells. Yet, both fail to meet at a middle point.

However, it would be foolish to define who we are solely in terms of the body or In terms of a spirit or consciousness. For both are co-dependent on each other. Our self can be an illusion but we need to go beyond it and be ready to admit that even if we cannot objectively observe it, it has a kind of existence. One that is impermanent, one which arises out of society and human understanding (dependent arising) and co-exists with other beings )co-dependence). Lastly and the most important aspect of life we often forget is it’s the impermanent nature. And here we come to a point where we tread into uncertainty.

 

For example, I hesitate to hold an extreme position on the matter of the existence of God, an after-life and so on. This is because any statement that I might make, as an extreme position, will be false. For like those who declared war on the body or indulge in it as solely the source of pleasure, every step they take it seems they missing the point of life by stressing one quality while failing to recognise that extremes of human being are all biased interpretations of reality.

Thus, we have a capitalist system that focuses on individual freedom and a communism that puts common interests before individual rights. They appear not to agree on many levels and posit their politics in positive terms and holding their politics as the best one. Yet, they represent two extremes that are still a source of great alienation and poverty. I would be pretentious , to propose an alternative system. However, what I’m sure of that neither a system entirely based on individual rights or social responsibility can truly sustain itself. For such politics denies our humanity. We are never truly individuals but can only express our individuality in a social context. We cannot even place everyone in the same place for we all remain different in many ways. We cannot be treated in the same way but we can be treated equally. And there’s a big difference between the two approaches.

 

In this sense, the Buddha realised there was no lasting value in his life as a prince shielded from human pain and suffering and free to indulge in all the pleasures money could buy. Neither his was pursuit of self-mortification help him to find meaning and happiness in his life. Indeed, such a radical lifestyle was close to kill him. The teaching of the middle path is not just about moderation but in recognising that our life emerges out of our relation with others and who we are cannot be separated from our material reality.

 

Once the young Buddha was observing a chord player who would inspire him to develop the idea of the middle way, he told him:

 

“If you tighten the chords too much, it won’t play…

If they’re too loose, They won’t play,

Seek the middle way - not too tight, not too loose!“

 

Of course, I may be paraphrasing here but this teaching represents the essence of the teaching that, later Buddha would use to explain how we should live our life in order to life happy.

Indeed, the middle way goes beyond a simple teaching on moderation, Rather it’s an acknowledgement that with all our failings and
dependence, they are what makes us humans and even if Western society tends to be ashamed of admitting to its vulnerability, it represents a human truth that we all share. In this sense, while it’s ok to live healthy and comfortable, we are all affected by a desire to remain impermanent as long as we feel satisfied with life. If not, we seek external sources for our happiness.

 

Sadly, we don’t find happiness in considering the practice of balance as that found in the middle way. Instead, we close our hearts and minds to a restricted world view when we judge other people in terms of what we think they are. Without recognising that, in spite of all, at the core, we have to go through life till death without having a choice on whether we live or die.

The middle way isn’t the way by which we escape from taking responsibility for our actions or take up a convenient passivity. Rather, it’s a commitment to strive for the betterment of our world, a commitment to valuing life and other human beings. It’s a conscious attempt to genuinely reach out to others and to encourage a relationship based on mutual respect and authentic compassion.

It’s not about converting people or imposing one’s own beliefs on others arguing that we are right. It’s about helping irrespective of who you’re helping. It’s about giving without expecting to gain.

 

Ultimately, it’s about valuing the experience of life with a full awareness that, whether there is a life after death, you will die no matter what.

Even if this reads negative and a bleak view of life, it need not be. In fact, it should encourage us to appreciate what we have, and, yes, strive to improve our life and the lives of others and remove unnecessary suffering when ever we can.

For even if we can’t stop the process of life, we can affect our life and our happiness if we approach life with balance, moderation and mutual love and respect. If we only approached the world with compassion beyond judgment. You may judge me as an idealist. Yet, I’d rather live a life that seeks to pursue the path of service because, in spite of the criticism and judgment we may throw out there, we are the ones who can influence ourselves and seek help when we need it. For, this isn’t a sign of personal failure but a recognition of our basic need to sustain our whole being. For it would be arrogant of us to pretend that we can make it in life without needing the world and other human beings.

 

The teachings of dukkha and the middle way reveal to us that while the world and other livings are essential in our human existence, we should never become attached to them to a point that we limit ourselves to what we consider safe. We all know we are going to die. All this will end.

 

It may be more important if we concentrate on making the best of life and expressing compassion and happiness as we celebrate diversity.

Life is not meant to be forever...

Random Reflections on Death

Last Thursday, I woke up to what appeared to be going to be just another. day. True, I was still recovering from my back pain and even today, I am still completely pain free. Thankfully, my arthritis isn’t giving me significant problems and I went to work as usual. Yet, I insisted that it was just another day. But, was it? For that matter are the days of our life all the same? Why we forget that, as far we know, anything could happen at any point during the day or night.

Indeed that night, the right side of my body went, for most, tingly and numb. In spite of the fact that this has happened already months before, I was very scared as my circulation returned. In that state of fear and helplessness, one of my worries were because I wasn’t sure of what was happening and couldn’t control it! I was afraid to lose my self there and then. Perhaps I had remained too much attached to who I was. Yet again, there was a fear of where I would go if I would die.

In reality, I realised that I could do nothing. That, at that point, I just needed to let go for anything that is meant to happen and which was beyond my power, will happen.

Surprisingly, there are feelings of anger and fear that emerge once in a while following this experience. I still have to deal with those. However, my feelings may be coming from the realisation that my life may end just like that and how important to do my best when I’m still alive,

The Unrreality of Time

Today, I wanted to share some reflections on time. I noticed that my preoccupation with time started from a young age. While human beings appear to value time and even obsessed about rituals centred on time, keeping track of time had practical applications.

Indeed, time keeping was essential for agriculture, navigation and early astronomy. The significance of time is also evidenced by the fact that is also a concern of religion. In this sense, the fact that we defined time also suggests that we might have been trying to get to terms with death and the inevitability of impermanence. In fact, it may be argued that world religions which believe are a source of hope in n after-life.

All humans in general, fear death and do their utmost to avoid talking about death. While belief in a better after-life may some individuals to go on living, the danger is when people in an attempt to escape from dealing with their impermanence, go on believing that they will not die or that their truth is the only valid truth.

Consequently, instead of using their life to help others, they fixate on saving the world and divide themselves on the basis of faith. However, our thoughts are often caught in an illusion called time.

For time itself, is not real. Our experience of life stretches to a number of about more than a 100 years. While we might now that there are beings that are still living for thousands of years, we just cannot relate to such long lifetimes.

Similarly, we can't ignore that our perception of time depends other factors such as awareness of movement and space and conscious awareness. So while time is a useful concept, it doesn't exist in its own right!

No One Remembers A Loser

Since the world's attention, especially of sports enthusiasts, is drawn on the events of the London Olympics 2012, I thought I might take some time to meditate on the significance of the Olympics. Of course, there were many topics that I could have addressed in this entry. I could ask different questions and considered whether this international event builds bridges between nations. I could have reflected on humanity's ability to push their limits. I could have questioned the fact that people like me, who are disabled, have to participate in a separate para-olympics as if we're not to mix with other athletes. Granted, we may engage in adaptations of certain sports and we would  disadvantaged if we competed with others who lack impairments that would pose limits to their performance. But, as I see it, disabled and non-disabled athletes could learn from each other on many levels.

Yet, I chose to write about "losers", or those athletes who won nothing, performed poorly or even didn't get to the finish line. Even if we say that what is important is participating - not winning - the nature of competitive sport is to ensure you outperform your rival. In such an environment, what matters most is to win. Success is measured by how many points you have gained and failure is disgraceful and not tolerated. In addition, winning is an achievement not only for your team, friends or family but can also an act of patriotism and and a political statement. It has been used to promote the ideologies of Nazism in earlier times.

However, the athletes competing find themselves training to win a gold medal. So, it's only natural that after you have dreamt of excelling and of winning Olympic medals, you don't qualify for any medal. After all the sacrifice , the training and hours preparing for success, you end up empty-handed. You feel you've failed your country, your team, your friends and your family and loved ones. Yet, you also know that you have failed your self. You relive your "failure" ovER and over in your mind. You try to understand what went wrong. You find no answers that fully satisfy. If your fall was serious, you might be remembered as a "loser.

I have never an interest in sport. Despite this fact, there were occasions when I felt I worked hard to achieve a goal, only to fail. I would ask myself how this could have happened. Hadn't I done all my best? I would be disappointed and indulge in self-pity as if I was the victim of a great injustice. I would conclude that it was my fault, or on the other extreme, try to blame external factors. Instead of learning from my experience, I wouldn't move on.

While there's nothing wrong with disappointment and in taking some time to mourn over your loss, I realise today that, at one point, you must put the past behind. This isn't saying that you deny what happened but that you take it as an opportunity to grow. Indeed, such an experience could be opportunity to put your life into perspective and rethinking your life priorities. Unfortunately, our world seems only to celebrate success while ostracising so-called "losers".

On the other hand, the world forgets that true success is often a product of many failures. Our life is the same. Sadly, we often believe in the myths of perfection. A perfection that contradicts the way the world is. We are deluded in a belief that failure is unacceptable and excellence is the ultimate goal. As a child, I learned to walk and I had many falls as well. Now, I find not enough strength to walk or stand up for long. Am I a loser for not persisting in trying and use my time and energy in an attempt to get back to the past? I do understand that some would interpret my choice as admitting failure and I do respect made by other people in my position to recover their strength. Then again, I chose to adapt and dedicate my life to living life. And even if the world might judge me as a loser, I don't to remain attached to a goal that is unrealistic.

I wish everyone competing in this year's London Olympics, all the success. However, in case you lose or under perform, take this as an opportunity to learn from this experience and be prepared to accept that this is part of being human..

While this might be a bitter drug to swallow, you are the only one who really knows how much you have put into it. At the same time, remember that neither success or failure defines who you as a person.

The Shackles of Attachment

We may go on through life chasing a dream, drowning our pain and failure in pleasure. We may even obsess about achieving a position, making more money and buying possessions which, we become convinced, will make us happy. We may lose ourselves in the pursuit of a love interest or, on the other extreme, strive to escape from the reality which we feel is the cause of our unhappiness.

While our circumstances and positions of life may indeed be the source of our suffering, we cannot address our unhappiness if we aren’t aware of who we are. For, in searching for external factors to find our happiness won’t solve the problem on its own. If when I was a teenager, I had remained attached to the past when I could walk more, I might have probably achieved nothing in my life - except perhaps hoping in a miracle.

However, I took a more pragmatic approach and invested in a wheelchair. Even if I was reluctant to be seen using my wheelchair, I had to accept that my life changed and I couldn’t cling to a past that was no more. Over the years, I did have moments when I recall, with nostalgia, the many things I used to do as a child. Yet, I also recognise that in letting go of my attachment to an idealised past, I was choosing to live. Of course, many have described my life in many ways for continuing to live on.

Yet, the way I see it, I followed a very human quality we all have. I adapted to new circumstances. Part of that adaptability requires of us to let go of our attachments or to afflictive desires. We must adapt to change, for if we didn’t change, we would die to life. We would suffer the pains of dissatisfaction or dukkha. The only way to move on is to recognise that as long as aren’t prepared to recognise the illusion of our wanting, we will never be truly happy.

For, whether we accept it or not, life changes all the time. Even our identities, self-definition, religion, philosophies, politics, or aspirations are not permanent. Yes, they may form important parts of who we are today, but they are not us. Who we are goes beyond all the shackles that hinder our full being, clouds that hide from us our authentic beings and barriers that create divisions between each other.

Today, as a practicing meditator following Buddhist principles, I acknowledge how many identities I have adopted in an attempt to fit in a world, I felt didn’t understand who I was. I still feel isolated at times and misunderstood as well. However, I realise that before I expected the world to accept who I was, I was the first who has to make an effort to understand the world. Even if people still binds me to a social position and a fixed identity, I acknowledge the fact that I remain a human being.

For all I am doing or what I am doing is only borne out of a need to assert my human status. Even if I may identify more closely with certain groups of people, I am learning the importance of cultivating a compassion that genuinely seeks to understand others. A compassion where I listen and not jump to conclusions. A compassion that recognises our basic vulnerability and dependence as human beings.

For nothing in this world will last forever. A life that seeks happiness in material things on their own is doomed to be a life of dissatisfaction. It’s only when we accept life as it is and do our best to reduce unnecessary suffering can we be truly happy. It’s only when we open our heart to who we are and to the hearts of others can we be truly satisfied.

Nothing else matters...

Who am I? - The First Question of Being

In my last entry “The Desert of Authenticity”, I promised that I would be meditating and reflecting on three questions I believe are essential in understanding our authenticity. While in these posts, I will attempt to address the the questions as they relate to being, belonging and becoming, I must say that my reflections are based on my own experiences and on the readings I’ve made throughout my 31 years of life. In this sense, these are only basic reflections that remain incomplete.

 

I believe that my life so far has been ordinary. As a boy, I was given a name, attended school and continued with my studies. I was raised in the Catholic faith tradition and received the sacraments. I got sick along the way and still get sick. I have been judged because I was physically different in many, often in contradictory terms, ranging from a pitiful and less fortunate boy to a holy person bearing Christ’s cross. I was seen as an ‘inspiration’ and as courageous. I was also some thought should be pitied.

 

I was hurt, felt angry and, I confess, was even flattered as I thought of myself as ‘special’ or, yes, even superior to others. But, in truth, all these identities were also imposed ones that were imposed on me. Even my sense of gender, culture and faith were, in a sense, imposed on me which although they have value and utility in society, they didn’t truly reflect who I was as a person but only stopped at judging who I was on the outside.

 

Unfortunately, we often confuse our sense of being with our sense of belonging. This exposes us to the risk of closing our sense of being to external and secondary interpretations of who we are. Even if I’m not saying that these identities are false, they often close our minds and hearts to other human beings as we are made convinced that we’re not like them. Instead of cultivating our authentic being, it obscures our sense of being and can, indeed, further distances us of acknowledging our basic common humanity.

 

I rote it many times before but it’s a truth that still inspires me in my practice. It’s the fact, that beyond all the world says we are or should be, we remain human beings who go through life experiencing pain and illness, we remain dependent on others to live in this world and we all must age and ultimately, die. Yet, we are constantly encouraged to escape from this reality and wasting our time and energy in vain. For if we persist in erecting further barriers between ourselves, there will never be peace. We will never be truly happy. We will never be satisfied.

 

As I end this entry, I feel that answering the question of being, we need to acknowledge that we are human beings- neither worse off than better than others. Only then can we start to change the world to the better.

 

Continues to the question What am I?

A Balder Kind of Me

This is me following my haircut! 

Yesterday, I decided to cut off all of my hair. I don’t have any particular reason for doing that - apart from the fact that I’m already feeling the heat of summer and I was long due for a hair cut. On another level, I wanted to see how much having no hair - even if for a short time - would affect my self-image and the ways other people related to me. I also wanted to take this step, perhaps, to make a some kind of statement.

We may take hair for granted and don’t realise how much it can have an impact on the way others look at and relate to us. Besides our voices, the face and hair mark us apart from other people - provided they can see or her that is. But then, who we are beyond the senses? This is an important question but it’s beyond the scope of this entry to ask that question here but, hopefully, I’ll deal with that issue in other future posts.

But, yes, having my hair shaven off still compelled jokingly suggest that I had escaped from prison or became a Buddhist monk. I was complimented by most but, I admit, there was a kind of change in the way I felt when I presented my baldy self beyond the safety of the home. In a way, I am changed and, even if it’s not true that I escaped from prison or adopted the vows of a Buddhist monk, I have, in a sense, escaped from prison and have embraced many of the Buddhist precepts and am trying to practice them in the real world.

It may be true that hair is just part of our bodies. But, in time, you realise that human beings have used to express more than a fashion statement but used to express something about who they were. I did make a brief search of the Bible because I still like to explore what my original religious roots can teach me about life. Many times, it helps complement my growing understanding of Buddhism. Well, I was surprised how hair had a religious significance in Judaism and Christianity.

Indeed, even if whether having long or short hair is preferred is unclear, hair does feature in many important Bible accounts.. Indeed, the Bible search came up with 99 references to “hair” with a significant number only referring to “goat hair”. But, apart from that, hair and the cleanliness of the body are closely related. Indeed, Leviticus praises men who have a bald and clean head. On the other hand, it was disgraceful and even unholy for a woman to wear short hair. Well, this difference is again repeated in Corinthians.

However, it would be a mistake if one took the statements of the Bible out of socio-historical context. Indeed, health concerns in the Old Testament and also cultural tradition in the New have played an important role in establishing such conclusion. It is also worth mentioning that it was reported in the Bible that particular groups of Israelites, such as the Nazarenes, kept their hair long as a sign of devotion and also shaved it off later on it seems.

Hair represents strength and masculinity in the story of the then strong Samson who was betrayed by Delilah and, who ultimately, sacrificed himself and regained enough strength to regain justice. Hair is also that which is used to dry up Jesus’ feet when he visited a friend. Here, again, hair can be seen as a sign of humility and devotion. 

Today, with a powerful hair style industry, we wouldn’t dream of using our hair to dry up the feet of someone we adored - not even if we believed he or she was divine. Indeed, with all the promotion for hair growth treatment and our preoccupation with physical appearance, I wonder whether we’re really dealing with the inner part of us.

If I were to look at what Buddhism says about hair, I know that Buddhist monks keep their hair shaven to express their devotion to the teachings or teachings of the Buddha. This is because, for many, our hair at times gets more attention than it might deserve and we may grow too attached or obsessed with caring for it in case it starts falling out. 

Indeed, hair says many things by just standing there on our heads. Whether it’s a punk fan, a heavy metal fan, a man or woman, a Hassidic Jew, a skinhead, a convict, a person who has cancer or a Buddhist monk or we’re just getting old, our hair can tell without telling. But, whatever the length of your hair is or whether you have hair at all, I think that only thing matters.

Who you are inside is what really  matters..

Nothing else matters.

    

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A Reflection on Motherhood

Insome parts of the world, May is a month when motherhood is celebrated. This is the case in Malta (my country). Perhaps it’s obvious to state that everyone is here alive because he or she had a mother to conceive him/her.. I have thought a bit about the significance of this fact and as I meditated over the meaning of motherhood, I realised how much I had taken for granted and how really little did I appreciate having a mother in the first place. I also realised that, in spite of the many ways we separate ourselves from each other, we all have or had a mother in our lives.

When I thought about what the meaning of motherhood was to me, I realised that I can never truly understand what this actually is like. True, every mother experiences motherhood in her own way. However, as I’m a man, I can only go so far in my understanding of that experience. In addition, as a man, I can never aspire to be a mother. In fact, a prerequisite of being a mother is that you’re also a women. When I think about it, I find that it’s rather odd that in monotheistic religions, God is usually given masculine characteristics. Yet, I wonder whether this was the logical choice. And, if you look at ancient religions, we discover the cult of the Mother goddess. After all, aren’t we born out of mothers? Mothers, who are without exception, also women? Shouldn’t it then follow that God is primarily a woman as He is one who gives life and loves unconditionally?

I will not go into that debate today. It’s just that I feel rather embarrassed when I think how many men before me and to come assume that being a man entitles them to a certain superiority. When, I have come to realise that men and women should be equal and while physiologically we’re different, one sex isn’t superior to another but complementary to each other. Indeed, we come to the world because there was once a man and a woman who willingly or unwillingly united together on an intimate level..


Why did I include “unwilling” unions in the sentence before? This is because not all of us are the fruits of a loving relationship and may be the fruits of rape. Others may be abandoned by their mothers soon after they are born. And, sadly, some are even killed before they are even born. Aren’t these children of less value than others? I feel that we tend to think of mothers in an idealised way and forgetting that they are human beings who commit mistakes as well. Indeed, it takes a lot of sacrifice to become a mother and take care of your children. I don’t say this to diminish the status of mothers but, as I reflect on my own perceptions of mothers, I have a tendency to forget that not everyone might have a positive experience of their mother - if at all. And the mothers and the children living in difficult situations are often labelled or judged before they have a chance to know who they are. This is regretful but it happens. We risk closing our minds to an idea of motherhood that doesn't reflect the reality. In so doing, we invariably diminish the value of others who fall short of fitting in with our biased views on what motherhood means. Here, I have to thank my mother for giving me life but the many women in my life who provided me with guidance and understanding. Women who, in spite of being biologically unrelated helped me throughout my love with love and compassion without expecting anything in return. These too, in one way or another, were like mothers to me.

on Mother’s Day”. Indeed, you don’t have to be a mother in the biological sense to be a mother. Indeed, “motherhood” goes beyond biology but can also mean to be there for someone. To take care of the needs of another person when they’re young or vulnerable. It is to be there for someone else and love another unconditionally. Inn fact,, there were many women in my life who have also been like mothers to me. And, even if we might think of mothers in a limited way, these women had also an important role to play in our lives.

But, my mother remains the person who brought me to the world. She's the one who was here in my early childhood. Unfortunately, as I grew up and sought more autonomy, my relationship somehow started weakening. It's a phase we all go through as adolescents I guess. And, even

today, we may forget that if it wasn't for our mothers, we wouldn't be here. And even if we may not know who our mother is or were rejected by our mothers at some point in our life, we can appreciate that another human being brought us to the world. It's too easy to judge mothers who reject their children. But, even if it's not something pleasant, our mothers may thought this was best for us. I know I lack experience but, I feel, that some actions that may be misguided are too quickly judged as irresponsible or downright wrong.

As I end this post, I admit that I need to work on my relationship with my mother. I have taken her for granted. And, it's important to keep my heart open. For, it may be difficult, but it's necessary.

For today, she may be here. But, tomorrow, who knows? Indeed, only today can I really express my appreciation for giving me life and for being here for me.

Tomorrow may be too late.

Lessons in Humility

The last week has been quite hard on me as my back pain has returned which makes getting around more painful and difficult. Yes, my back pain is back! I can’t deny that I find it hard to do the things I could do a week ago but I’ve come to accept that this, like anything else, is only temporary. Of course, I do take pain medication to alleviate some of my pain but I try to reduce the amount of medication I take.

Since my back went on strike, I found myself having to rely on others for physical support. Not that, given my mobility impairment, I find myself in situations when I do require help. But, I try my best to make an effort when I can. At the same time, I don’t feel less of a person if I need to ask for help - sometimes from strangers. Before, I used to be proud and reject, if I could, any attempts to assist me. Now, as I ponder on the Buddhist idea of interdependence, I have come to understand how each of us depend on one another to live on this planet.

Two weeks ago, I was helped by a man who collected trash to help me on my wheelchair. If it hadn’t been for him, I’d probably have to miss work on that day. I felt that this act meant a lot to me. It wasn’t such any trouble for him as he was a strong man. But, to me, it was an act that permitted me to go on with my life. We often choose to divide people based on characteristics such as income, beauty, social status, and so on. In our restricted world view, I suspect that a garbage collector would be on the bottom of the list of people we want to be identified with.

Yet, in truth, if someone didn’t collect our rubbish, we would have a mess everywhere - not to mention a rise in illness and disease. Indeed, my encounter with this unknown person, has made me realise how much we really depend on other people to make our daily lives worthwhile. It has also made me aware of how misguided it is of us to attach ourselves to a belief that we are better than other people just because we have had the opportunity to get an education, or find a well paid job or even because we belong to a particular faith community.

I’m not saying that all these are without value. I’m just saying that they are secondary to the most important thing of all - our humanity. For whoever we are and wherever we live  or whatever we do, we remain human beings who must face the same problems life throws at us. We remain dependent on the world around us for our survival. We depend on other living beings to sustain our mind and bodies. 

In short we are interdependent. We can never be independent. These are the lessons I have learned from my encounter with that man. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you have to ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness either. For, if you think about it, it takes courage to swallow your pride and ask for help.

It’s part of being human.

But you have to be humble enough to acknowledge it...

So, yes, I am not ashamed to admit I was helped by a garbage collector. For he and I share more similarities than differences.