The True Meaning of Charity (Part 3)

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As a disabled child, I was angered by people who thought they had the authority to judge who I was. Others who took it upon themselves to define me. To rob me of any claims to individual identity. I know it was wrong of me. However, given the oppressive ideas of who I should be coming from society, I rejected my body and attached myself to a false idea that I was “normal” whatever that word meant. This might be the only way I could escape from sinking into dependence or of submitting to a poor idea of what I could achieve or who I should be. Unfortunately, as we try to deny part of who we are - in my case, the body - we  are also denying to recognise our human reality - choosing instead the safety to an attachment to a fiction that, inevitably, creates dukkha or dissatisfaction.

 

However, before we can take the step and recognise that what we have taken to be “charity” so far has been largely a monetary exchange to calm our conscience. Our practice of “charity” has often been a way to escape from the reality of life and of human injustice. It may have been a way to avoid facing the person we deem to be “In need”. When, in truth, we are simply distancing ourselves because we think we are better persons and, in some perverse way, may even believe that the people going through hard times somehow deserve it. This isn’t real charity however. It shouldn’t be the intention of performing an act of charity for sure.

 

What charity means, according to my current understanding, is the act of being there with the other person. Not believing you are in any way better or more fortunate. It’s an act where you give yourself to the other, placing secondary importance to any differences that are imposed by society. It means accepting the person as a unique individual and at the same time you acknowledge the differences where appropriate, charity requires us to look at the other as a human being. Like us, vulnerable to the process of growth and decay, but also singular in his/her expression of humanity. Genuine charity cannot be separated from compassion. For, in a sense, charity and compassion are, in their true sense, manifestations of the human need to love and belong.

 

While false charity singles out the person in need as someone external to the ideal of humanity, true charity and compassion recognise that the ideal is flawed as it doesn’t exist in the real world. People are not healthy all the time. People get old. people die. And, as for impairment, many people acquire an impairment as they grow older. Thus, it’s the idea of a perfect, healthy and “normal” body which is, in effect, the abnormality here. No such persons who defy the process of nature exist in the physical world we inhabit. And, it’s time that we change our idea of charity from a means to appease our egos and forfeit our human responsibilities to our brothers and sisters, and really practice a compassion that recognises the singularity and uniqueness of the other and, yet, embraces the other as part of his or her own human family.

 

The meaning of charity is about being fully human and opening our heart and mind to others. Not for the sake of feeling or looking good. It’s about reaching out to the other without the shackles of prejudice and pride and vanity. It means being there sharing in the experience of life without imposing yourself on the other but listening to the heart of the other as a person first.

 

As HH the 14th Dalai Lama reminds us:

 

If you want to be happy, 

practice compassion.

If you want others to be happy,

Practice compassion... 

 

Only genuine charity and true compassion can guarantee long lasting happiness for us and to the world that surrounds us.

THE END

The True Meaning of Charity (Part 2)

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I felt that this background information about my past is important in order for one to better understand the other side. That is, the side of the one “supposedly needing charity”. For, unfortunately, while, rightly or wrongly, many praise the efforts of those who help a particular cause, it’s often the case that those who are “in need of help” remain hidden or even distorted to pull at the heartstrings of potential alms giver. And while the media may attempt to reach out to the people that are facing difficult life circumstances, the lives of such people is often misconstrued to fit into the idea that these situations arise only out of misfortune and society appears to have had no part of the play in maintaining a state of inequality or poverty.

 

As a disabled person, I can speak of my experiences as a disabled person. At the same time, while I share my experience of disability with many other disabled people, my experience is also unique and individual. Not every disabled person may have had the same experience of a boyhood which included a conflict between the ideal of a mind persistently contradicted by for what was, for many, an abnormal body. These are the thoughts and feelings that resurface every time I am witness to manifestations of so-called “charity”. But, on reflecting on my life experiences, I realise that our modern conceptions of “Charity” have seldom to do with the idea of charity as it was originally intended. 

 

In fact, what “”charity” has come to mean today is a market exchange where people can calm their consciences by exchanging money instead of bothering to look at others (deemed less fortunate) as equals. In this, modern “charity” is diametrically opposed to the original meaning of a charity that doesn’t seek for its own self. Don’t get me wrong, money is an important element that can help people get out of difficult situations and live a better quality of life they deserve. However, what I have an  issue with is the intention behind the modern constructions of charity. Indeed, those society judges in need of charity are, in many cases, put across as undesirables, broken or wretched and “lives not worth living”..

 

CONTINUED TO PART 3

The True Meaning of Charity (Part 1)

GO TO PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

 

Each year, during this time, I feel a feeling of unease and inadequacy as charity events aimed at collecting funds to help the most needy and, alas, “less fortunate” amongst us. I feel this sense that, as a person, I am somehow less than my friends, family and other human beings living in the world. Having an impairment and consequently experiencing the effects of a disabling society, which sometimes chooses to exclude me and pretends  to  be entitled to speak on my behalf, makes me feel like an object to be used for other people’s  ends and a subject to be spoken about and rarely as a whole person. Indeed, so-called “charity” events seem to inflate the false idea that disabled people are not like other human beings.

 

I regret that I have been uncomfortable to acknowledge my physical reality - my impairment. However, as I have grown to embrace the Buddhist outlook, I acknowledge that my body is part of who I am. Indeed, it has made me who I am today. While some voices in society may dismiss my body as deficient and deformed in some way, the body remains the only means by which I can relate to the world. We are not minds (or souls) trapped in bodies. Both mind and body possess the qualities that make me the persons we are today. Attempting to divide these two aspects of our humanity risks to destroy the value of our integrity as whole persons.

 

Unfortunately, how society talks of the body appears to put across an impossible ideal of the healthy, permanent and fully functional body. Any other variations to this idea are, at best, put across as incomplete or, at worse, unworthy of life. I learned since I was young that my body was the problem. Sadly, this meant that I grew to hate my body and indulged in a fantasy of a disembodied mind. I sought refuge in applying my mind to learn, think and many a time sought to overstrain my body to please those around me. Don’t get me wrong, any physical achievement gives me pleasure and satisfaction back then as it does today. Yet, at the same time, the moments when my body didn’t deliver could become times of great personal failure and guilt for not living up to the high expectations of others that were often unrealistic and, frankly, unreachable given my physical condition.

CONTINUED TO PART 2

A Cyber-Geist's Meditation

I'm writing this entry from my perspective as an observer of social media, after resolving that it was a good time to keep my distance from this modern phenomenon in the digitalized world. I decided to remain an audience to what others are submitting and posting. I wanted to cease, for a while, being an active participant. Granted, I can't claim that I achieved any great feat or accomplishment. Yes, it was difficult and, ironically, it was at these times when I would read a FaceBook update or a notification on my personal email that the temptation to respond was greater. I realize now how social media was consuming a lot of my free time. Time that, perhaps, could have been better spa t getting to know myself and the world that I inhabit. However, the idea behind social media is,, essentially, positive and commendable.

Indeed, social media is changing the rules of human relations. No longer do we find the barriers posed by the 'old' boundaries of age, time zones or geography. This is a period in our history when it appears that we have overcome the barriers that separated us. This is, however, only an idealized image of social media. If you look for it and even if you don't, you will find the same human afflictions that cause trouble in the real world: hate, ignorance and a materialistic world view that feeds on consumption and production. No wonder that social media is simultaneously the instrument of philanthropy and worthy causes, as well as misanthropy and hate speech. No wonder you find an article on spiritual happiness with advertisements from self-help courses promising wealth and financial prosperity. No surprise, then, that some have discovered that God is marketable as they go on about how their bible study course will win them eternal heaven.

There are, of course, a mixture of thoughts in my mind as I write this on a Saturday on August 20. However, you who are reading this now will be trying to figure out was the post is about in your present. I don't know what will become of me after I save this as a draft. For all I know, I might not be here. This is not a case of being morbid or negative. In fact, the reality of my possible death and impermanence have been the subject of my thoughts during my period of internet freedom. For, in many ways, ceasing to be part of social media turned me into what could be described as a cyber-geist or an internet ghost. Again, I realize that the social media changes the way we relate to our deceased friends' FaceBook pages, as an example, with profile pages becoming virtual  shrines and memorials.And this forces me to consider that even in the world where one can achieve technological immortality, there is a human aspect that - even if it attempts to deny or escape it - recognizes that we are just travelers here. And while social media may preserve part of who we are we wish to present to the world., we will all leave this life. 

There are things about who I am that I discovered during my moments of quiet meditation. Questions that I would rather avoided. Matters that I have put aside, hoping that they will go away. Personal issues that, I believe, are my own concern. However, what struck me most is the fact that our lives are often shaped by the world around us. We can't escape the fact that we're surrounded by people and technology that influences us - whether we participate in the exchange or not. In this respect, social media is an extreme form of how technology is changing not just how we live but who we are. In those moments when I was prone to reply to a social media message, I was aware that it would have been stupid of me to write what I planned to write. And I'm being generous with the verb "planned". I suspect that with the vast amount of information we have at our fingertips, we seem not to find the time to ask ourselves which information is of value or not. We find ourselves in a position where we are expected to reply immediately. Indeed, we are being encouraged to live impulsively. 

Of course, there is a lot to say about the positive impact that social media can have on the world. However, as with any other technology, we must know what the implications this technology may have on our dailly lives. I believe, that we are still don't understand this technology enough. But this isn't entirely our fault since social media is a relatively new technology. This is more reason to use this technology responsibly and with presence of mind. In other words, we need to know what we are doing. And perhaps more importantly, we need to develop our self-awareness as every time we interact on social media, whether we like it or not, we are presentng part of ourselves to the world. I, myself, have succumbed to the lure of social media with its promise of instant fame and recognition. In this sense, I now believe that it's important that in the process of relating to others, we also invest in getting to know who we are. Otherwise, we would be misleading others and, even worse, deceiving ourselves.