The Day of Reflection

To begin….

Over here in Malta, we’ll be having the elections tomorrow - the 9th March 2013. An event that normally happens every five years. It’s a time when we will have a chance to have a say in the running of our country. Yet, we often take the democratic process we have today too much. For granted. We don’t realise that the vote and the democratic process may be the best form of political system we have. And, even then, we may not know that the democracy we have today isn’t like that of ancient Greece, were only the rich and privileged had a vote. Or, the ‘democracy’ were only men of a certain class were allowed to vote while more than half of the population, women, were excluded. Their vote didn’t count.

Today was also a day of reflection. A day when all political expression in the media or for public consumption is, technically, illegal. But, how many of us actually appreciate the right to vote we have in our democracies? How much do politicians are really interested in the betterment of society, or are they more interested in gaining our vote for the sake of power? I will not be tackling the second question because I leave it to you to judge on your own the political merits of respective candidates. However, before this day is over, I wanted to share a few thoughts and reflections, together from some quotes which have helped me believe that, while I’m still denied the right to vote in secret, I have the right to vote. And, while alone I will not bring about a revolution, I can make a difference. But I cannot make that difference on my own.

Questions, Quotes, etc.

Do I really appreciate the right I have to vote?

Do I believe that I can express my anger and frustration by simply voting because of personal interests or motivations?

Can I afford NOT to vote and forfeit my right to vote?

But, then, is the vote just a right or a duty I have to my society?

Would I, by wasting or abusing my right to vote also going against what I believe in?

“It is the duty of every citizen according to his best capacities to give validity to his convictions in political affairs.”  Albert Einstein

What about truth?

Have I really thought over my decision in voting?

Did what I heard in political speeches and debates faithful to the truth?


M I ready to follow a leader just because I have learned not to question?

Does the leader talk a lot about himself and not about how he’ll make our society better?

Have I bothered to go beyond what parties are telling me and dared to ask the right questions?

Am I following the party just because I feel a sense of belonging or because I sincerely think that the party is in tune with the values it purports to hold?

Do I honestly believe that as long as I’m comfortable after the elections,I don’t care about the rest?

Aren’t we all dependent on each other in our society? Or in our lives?

Aren’t other people’s losses but my own?

Am I prepared to do the right thing, even if it might hurt at first?

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

How?

how did the respective parties tackled issues facing minorities or excluded groups?

How did they deal with people of different opinions, faith or belief?

Do they believe that the majority should decide on human rights and that human beings don’t have a right to dignity and respect they deserve without needing to justify their life?

Finally...

Has the political rhetoric intoxicate our minds and hearts as to forget that we share a common humanity and inasmuch as we hold our political beliefs, we remain subject to the same pains and pleasures this life has to offer.

We live in a society made up of individuals. Yet neither can society impose itself on the individual nor the individual can exist without a society. That’s why I chose to right this entry on this day of reflection. Not because I’m not a bit anxious about voting tomorrow and its possible aftermath. But I wanted to reassure myself that whatever I vote tomorrow, I hope to vote with a clear mind and be true to my beliefs and convictions.

I may be unhappy with the result if it doesn’t follow on my choices. But, if anything, I will sleep on Saturday night with a peaceful conscience because I know that I did what I could. I was true to my own self.

Nobody knows what the future will be like. Perhaps I’ll discover that there open new possibilities that I was never aware of. The truth I believe in fills me with the will to live on. I want a society that is equal, just and more compassionate. I can’t expect that all all these aspirations will be achieved if I don’t play my part. However, I cannot deny that Malta has progressed a lot in all these areas. Granted, there’s still things to be done. But, come what may, we all need to continue working together. I end this entry by another two quotes that helped me to restore a certain hope in the future ahead. As for me, there’s not much to add. Just to remember to vote with a clear mind and a compassionate heart.

And remember:

“whether your cause has many or few adherents, truth will still prevail.” HH the 14th Dalai Lama

Or, if you feel you have failed in your cause, remember the words of Gandhi:

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” Mohandas K.  Gandhi

A Sunset of Promise

I continue struggling with the physical pain that has forced me into hospital two weeks ago. Thankfully, my pain wasn't that severe today but it's still early days and there can be good or bad days - depending on whether I wake up early enough to take my medication.

I admit there were hard days when I felt I wished to close myself to the world or even die. However, I knew that this pain, like any other thing, is simpermanent and one day will cease to be. In many ways, it's also an illusion if you think about it. All the pain is an result of the nervous system with no material basis.

This isn't implying that it lacs existence but that it arises out of the senses. In other words, if we had problems with our pain senses, we could be prone to doing ourselves harm or even die. Granted, nobody wishes to experience pain but it's good to know if the cup of tea you're about to drink is boiling before you Stuqrt gulping down its contents. Ouch! Stomach ulcer...

In the same way as pain is a warning mechanism that draws our attention to possible damage, I realise that this might have been how the body wanted to let me know that I needed to take a step back and collect my thoughts once-again and reexamine my life. Indeed, I am aware that part of my suffering arose from thoughts that echoed in my mind. When there was no pain. Even the times I was still a young boy.

I've returned home from hospital just a week ago but my memory fails to recall the details. Yet, together with all the memories and experiences I gathered over the years, I can truly say that I feel truly changed. I feel unsure about the future. Then, again, I had the opportunity to learn about myself and my relation to those around me.

in particular, I also found the support of friends and those close to me. We do forget atTimes how nuch we depend on each other, as individuals, on each other's cooperation to live our lives on this little rock we call Earth. For so much could happen to us in so little time that it's foolish to seek only for oneself.

On that note, I note that sunset has turned the day to night. Little things I've got to do. I need to eat, drink and, I hope to sleep.

Preparing for another day of unknown possibilities, preparing for the good and being open to the worse.

The Thing Called Pain

I've been experiencing a sense of pain for over a week. At times, it's as if it won't go away. A thought that I have even when I know nothing in this universe lasts forever.

This fact appears to provide a certain hope that that a future without this pain is certain.
While I wish that this physical pain disappears, so that I can return
to my routine, the fact that it has disrupted the routine gave me the
chance to examine my life and, when the pain is bearable, to force me
to attempt to understand pain.

The world today does well in finding means by which to manage pain. On the other hand, a degree of pain remains an essential sense to ensure
our health and survival. Indeed, feeling pain when putting your hand
on a burning fire can protect us for serious damage. And in so many
ways, pain is such a warning mechanism.

I believe, thus, that this pain I feel today is a result of days when
I failed to pay attention to my body and persisted as the pain
intensified. Eventually, it led to the current situation when I come
face to face with the reality of our human dependency or codependence.

But, if you think about it, pain isn't unreal because science reveals
that the sense of pain results from electrochemical signals
generated in the body. This isn't saying that pain doesn't exist but
that its reality isn't as solid and tangible as it might appear. In
this way, one could say that it's a simulation.

Apart from that, the experience of pain reveals how we are part of the
world and while we are separate in many ways from the world that
surrounds us, such a separation can never be complete but is always
partial and, maybe, artificial.

I appreciate the experience of pain not because I enjoy pain but
because it's giving me a chance to rekindle a sense of wonder.
Breaking up the chains of conventionality and, once more, offering me
the opportunity to pursue new possibilities.

This pain will end. Yet as long as there's only so much I can do at
present, is to learn from it.

Through the Eyes of a Child...

To yesterday's child:

I thank you for not judging me because I appeared different. For recognising my difference and, yet, not holding it against me.

I know that you might have been fascinated by my wheelchair and wanted, as you did, to drive it around. Actually, to drive me around…

I appreciate the little time we spent together. The short time we spent getting to learn something about each other.

Perhaps, then, you filled within me a need of a little brother or sister, whom, you know, will seek you when they’re afraid of the dark and trust you will reassure them and take away their fears.

You might have also stirred deep in my heart, a paternal instinct that desires to care and protect all whom may feel unsure about life. Frightened of a a life which sometimes appears so new and unknown. Especially when facing moments of sadness and doubt following a disappointment or an ugly event you still can't express or have the words to describe..

I am not sure whether I gave you anything in return. I know that I was tired and maybe I could have shared more of myself to you.

I am neither sure what impression I left on you. Or whether I could have seemed distant. If so, I am sorry.

For sure, you have renewed my commitment to look beyond the illusion of the self.

A self so preoccupied in defending its hollow existence that it finds no place for others.

A self so absorbed in the lies it tells itself that it is ignorant of its unreality.

And the reality of life?

A life made up of joys and sorrows, life and death, love and hate.

A life where we share a common experience of humanity.

Born into a world and a life we don't choose - to live on through all the good and bad, and, ultimately, to die without knowing what there is beyond with any degree of certainty.

This life. Precious and unique. And, yet, a life we take so for granted.

We experience dissatisfaction as we seek refuge in a material life that is, in itself, impermanence and empty.

There's no happiness...

Until we are ready to recognise our vulnerability not as a sign of weakness or servile submission but as a matter of fact. That we were never meant to be divided amongst ourselves and accept we all need the help and support of those around us - whoever we are..

A humility that forces us to look at at each other on the same level because we are the same human beings. Similarly prone to the ravages of time and decay of matter. .

Birth, ill health, old age and death. No one can escape them. But we can make our life and the life of others worthwhile if we're ready to be more compassionate and less judgmental. Less accusatory. Less ready to fit people into boxes when we come to relate to them on a personal, human, level.


And, yes! It had to be you, a young child who reminded me of the need to open my heart to the other. To open who I am also to my own awareness.

Only with a motivation to learn from our experiences.

Dear yesterday's child,

Since we never had the time to say good bye, I would like to tell you that I will cherish our short encounter for as long as my memory will serve me..

I wish you all the peace and happiness for the future and for the present - which remains the more important as all futures depend on it..

I assure you that you have given me more than I can ever give back.

Thanks.

The Poppies of Flanders Fields

"In Flanders Fields" 
By John McCra

 

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved, and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands, we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields

 

A few reflections... 

Yesterday, 11th November at 11 in the morning, Commonwealth countries celebrated Remembrance Day. However, you may know this day from many of its titles, such as Poppy Day and Armistice Day.

This day was originally intended to remind us of the thousands of men, mostly young men, who died in the trenches of World War I and World War II. The poppy, used as a symbol of this event, was inspired by the poem above entitled “In Flander’s Field” by John McCrae who served in the First World War himself.

It appears to be a simple poem but it prompted me to reflect on the futility of war. Indeed, all the horrible killing that took place on the fields of Flanders, Belgium, were overtaken by nature. The human acts of murder and destruction were replaced by rows and rows of red poppies. In a way, one can see this of nature’s way of expressing mourning for such a great loss of life.

One can argue that the wars taking place in the beginning of the 20th century were necessary to protect our civilisation. Yet, I don’t know whether this was our only option. It appears to me that amongst the chief causes of war is our tendency to separate ourselves from others. A misguided belief that we are somehow better and far superior than other people. And that those who don’t conform are keeping us back or, else, taking from us what we think is our by right.

However, the poppy fields appear to teach us that even from the worst acts of humanity, not all is lost. A hope, perhaps innocent, that death isn’t the final answer. That, terrible as things may be, there’s still hope for growth and renewal. A hope, perhaps, that we recognise the futility of war and violence. To take care not to repeat the patterns of violence and genocide.

Alas, wars are still with us today. And, the poppy day has been sometimes been misappropriated to promote the idea of patriotic duty and, perhaps, lure young men and women into war. A war that remains ugly as it goes against our basic need for each other to make it in this world.

This is more relevant today as we have greater power to destroy the world thanks to our nuclear technology. With these means of apocalyptic potential comes great responsibility. A responsibility that is unprecedented in human history.

For, while we may think the ‘end’ will never come, we should be careful about making the right choices in how we live and what decisions we have to take. We may not be able to stop it if we are faced by war. But we must make sure we have tried. The people living in pre-war Europe never imagined the terrible wars they would have to suffer. Yet, there were signs but people forgot or just remained silent. Until, of course, the human tragedy of war happened.

It may be time for all of us to reflect on the past which, for many of us, happened decades before we were born. Reflect on what remained of all the bloodshed. Memories, perhaps, but even those are slowly fading. Have we progressed? In some ways but there’s still war and fighting around the world on similar issues. Can we afford to be unconcerned? I can’t answer this for you.

The only thing I can say is that everything must come to an end. Even our human species in the course of time. It’s in our interests to protect our world and to invest in each other instead of destroying each other.

If we kill ourselves off tomorrow, the Earth will go on living.

Maybe poppies will die too.

But life will probably prevail.

Back to the Beginnings

Today, I just realised that it’s been over a year now since I started this blog, I called ZoneMind>. My first entry appeared on 7th May 2011 and I gave it the title Beginnings. I admit that I wasn’t quite sure what how this blog would evolve but, in time, as I attempted to deal with the emptiness and dissatisfaction that preoccupied me during that period, it took a life of its own. My engagement with Buddhist practice has opened my mind to a reality that, in many aspects, challenged my old world view I thought I had mastered.

I am now at a point where I’m unsure of where to go from here. I can’t explain it using conventional ways. Language wouldn’t be able to capture what I’ve been feeling in the last few days. But, it’s only through language that I can convey this feeling and state of being. But, yet, it defies convention and I don’t understand it myself. I have changed so much that I feel like another person. Or, rather, it’s like returning to a state of authentic being that I had a child. A state of mind beyond the restrictions of language and thought. I am more open to the world in a wonderful way that can be overwhelming. I am joyful and sad a…t the same time. Joyful because I am once again aware of the beauty of life and the unique miracle of human existence. Yet, I’m saddened when I witness a world that is obsessed with the idea of power, position and control. A struggle to preserve a self that is impermanent and finite.

But, as I become more mindful of the dark side of human nature, I catch glimpses of this same pride and arrogance of human beings in myself. I must admit to that. Even in my journey of self-exploration, I still suffer afflictive emotions. I still get angry. I still can hate or get jealous. I can still feel self-righteous and indulge in vain pride. But now, it’s different. I’m more aware that, like anyone else, I am very far from practicing real compassion. Yet, now I’m more aware of what’s happening inside, I have a choice - either to react or else to act with care and patience. I am free to act with a certain confidence and patience.

I can find happiness in the sadness of pain and suffering that affects us all as human beings. I can be authentic and genuine only if I acknowledge that many of the problems I have with relating to people and how people relate to me and each other are rooted in an ignorance. An ignorance, not in the sense of stupidity, but in the sense of not knowing or being unaware of the reality we live in.

The reality in which our life as human beings is finite and impermanent. A reality where our experience arises out of a relationship between the senses, material reality and living beings. We don’t make our bodies or form our minds on our own. For this, we need the world, other people and our senses. We need to recognise that fact. I have now appreciated this fact because it affirms a certain truth hidden deep within my being. A truth I had felt as a child when I used to watch the waves of the Mediterranean sea coming up to the beach when I used to swim at the fishing village of Marsaxlokk, Malta.

There was a harmony of nature. The sun in the blue sky. An occasional floating cloud shaped in ways I would imagine. The clean fresh air. The pleasant breeze of a soft summer wind. I was then, one with the sea, with the sand, one with those who swam in the same sea I sweat. During those moments, I felt connected to everything - free from the chains of language or conceptions. I don’t know why I should remember this. But, I guess, that was then, and things have changed. I grew up. My body is no longer that active, my eyes not as sharp and I am burdened by the knowledge of the world. Inasmuch as such knowledge is important, it isn’t reality. It’s only a reflection but not reality.

I feel I cannot go on living my life as I was before, Now that my mind is more clear, I feel I’m still confined to a life that has lost its shine. It appears that I’ve outgrown my ambitions and plans for the future. I wasted too much time seeking happiness when this can only be found within and not outside. It is then only that I can dare to go beyond where I do not know. But, before I make any radical changes in my life, I need to take some time to reflect and ponder the real purpose of my life. Yes, I may escape and leave things as they are and that would be easy. But then, I will have to live a life that I didn’t really want. A life that is dissonant with what I feel I should do.

I need to reflect. I need time.

I hope to return soon.

But, for now, I need to know.

A Cyber-Geist's Meditation

I'm writing this entry from my perspective as an observer of social media, after resolving that it was a good time to keep my distance from this modern phenomenon in the digitalized world. I decided to remain an audience to what others are submitting and posting. I wanted to cease, for a while, being an active participant. Granted, I can't claim that I achieved any great feat or accomplishment. Yes, it was difficult and, ironically, it was at these times when I would read a FaceBook update or a notification on my personal email that the temptation to respond was greater. I realize now how social media was consuming a lot of my free time. Time that, perhaps, could have been better spa t getting to know myself and the world that I inhabit. However, the idea behind social media is,, essentially, positive and commendable.

Indeed, social media is changing the rules of human relations. No longer do we find the barriers posed by the 'old' boundaries of age, time zones or geography. This is a period in our history when it appears that we have overcome the barriers that separated us. This is, however, only an idealized image of social media. If you look for it and even if you don't, you will find the same human afflictions that cause trouble in the real world: hate, ignorance and a materialistic world view that feeds on consumption and production. No wonder that social media is simultaneously the instrument of philanthropy and worthy causes, as well as misanthropy and hate speech. No wonder you find an article on spiritual happiness with advertisements from self-help courses promising wealth and financial prosperity. No surprise, then, that some have discovered that God is marketable as they go on about how their bible study course will win them eternal heaven.

There are, of course, a mixture of thoughts in my mind as I write this on a Saturday on August 20. However, you who are reading this now will be trying to figure out was the post is about in your present. I don't know what will become of me after I save this as a draft. For all I know, I might not be here. This is not a case of being morbid or negative. In fact, the reality of my possible death and impermanence have been the subject of my thoughts during my period of internet freedom. For, in many ways, ceasing to be part of social media turned me into what could be described as a cyber-geist or an internet ghost. Again, I realize that the social media changes the way we relate to our deceased friends' FaceBook pages, as an example, with profile pages becoming virtual  shrines and memorials.And this forces me to consider that even in the world where one can achieve technological immortality, there is a human aspect that - even if it attempts to deny or escape it - recognizes that we are just travelers here. And while social media may preserve part of who we are we wish to present to the world., we will all leave this life. 

There are things about who I am that I discovered during my moments of quiet meditation. Questions that I would rather avoided. Matters that I have put aside, hoping that they will go away. Personal issues that, I believe, are my own concern. However, what struck me most is the fact that our lives are often shaped by the world around us. We can't escape the fact that we're surrounded by people and technology that influences us - whether we participate in the exchange or not. In this respect, social media is an extreme form of how technology is changing not just how we live but who we are. In those moments when I was prone to reply to a social media message, I was aware that it would have been stupid of me to write what I planned to write. And I'm being generous with the verb "planned". I suspect that with the vast amount of information we have at our fingertips, we seem not to find the time to ask ourselves which information is of value or not. We find ourselves in a position where we are expected to reply immediately. Indeed, we are being encouraged to live impulsively. 

Of course, there is a lot to say about the positive impact that social media can have on the world. However, as with any other technology, we must know what the implications this technology may have on our dailly lives. I believe, that we are still don't understand this technology enough. But this isn't entirely our fault since social media is a relatively new technology. This is more reason to use this technology responsibly and with presence of mind. In other words, we need to know what we are doing. And perhaps more importantly, we need to develop our self-awareness as every time we interact on social media, whether we like it or not, we are presentng part of ourselves to the world. I, myself, have succumbed to the lure of social media with its promise of instant fame and recognition. In this sense, I now believe that it's important that in the process of relating to others, we also invest in getting to know who we are. Otherwise, we would be misleading others and, even worse, deceiving ourselves.