Through the Eyes of a Child...

To yesterday's child:

I thank you for not judging me because I appeared different. For recognising my difference and, yet, not holding it against me.

I know that you might have been fascinated by my wheelchair and wanted, as you did, to drive it around. Actually, to drive me around…

I appreciate the little time we spent together. The short time we spent getting to learn something about each other.

Perhaps, then, you filled within me a need of a little brother or sister, whom, you know, will seek you when they’re afraid of the dark and trust you will reassure them and take away their fears.

You might have also stirred deep in my heart, a paternal instinct that desires to care and protect all whom may feel unsure about life. Frightened of a a life which sometimes appears so new and unknown. Especially when facing moments of sadness and doubt following a disappointment or an ugly event you still can't express or have the words to describe..

I am not sure whether I gave you anything in return. I know that I was tired and maybe I could have shared more of myself to you.

I am neither sure what impression I left on you. Or whether I could have seemed distant. If so, I am sorry.

For sure, you have renewed my commitment to look beyond the illusion of the self.

A self so preoccupied in defending its hollow existence that it finds no place for others.

A self so absorbed in the lies it tells itself that it is ignorant of its unreality.

And the reality of life?

A life made up of joys and sorrows, life and death, love and hate.

A life where we share a common experience of humanity.

Born into a world and a life we don't choose - to live on through all the good and bad, and, ultimately, to die without knowing what there is beyond with any degree of certainty.

This life. Precious and unique. And, yet, a life we take so for granted.

We experience dissatisfaction as we seek refuge in a material life that is, in itself, impermanence and empty.

There's no happiness...

Until we are ready to recognise our vulnerability not as a sign of weakness or servile submission but as a matter of fact. That we were never meant to be divided amongst ourselves and accept we all need the help and support of those around us - whoever we are..

A humility that forces us to look at at each other on the same level because we are the same human beings. Similarly prone to the ravages of time and decay of matter. .

Birth, ill health, old age and death. No one can escape them. But we can make our life and the life of others worthwhile if we're ready to be more compassionate and less judgmental. Less accusatory. Less ready to fit people into boxes when we come to relate to them on a personal, human, level.


And, yes! It had to be you, a young child who reminded me of the need to open my heart to the other. To open who I am also to my own awareness.

Only with a motivation to learn from our experiences.

Dear yesterday's child,

Since we never had the time to say good bye, I would like to tell you that I will cherish our short encounter for as long as my memory will serve me..

I wish you all the peace and happiness for the future and for the present - which remains the more important as all futures depend on it..

I assure you that you have given me more than I can ever give back.

Thanks.

September 11: An Open Wound?

I have already talked about the terrible events which took place in the United States on September 11, 2001 last year in the  post entitled 10 Years of Fear. Eleven  years have passed and we do well to remember the memories of those who died on that day and those who died as a consequence of 9/11. But it would be wrong to stop there and not be ready to move on, and, yes, let go.

For, horrible as 9/11 was, this event isn’t actually the cause of all the distrust and intolerance that we still witness to this day. Hate and revenge have always been a dark part of human nature. If you look closely and reflect on what might have caused 9/11, you may be surprised that there’s a very rational explanation to why we have reached such levels of hate and violence.

The fact is that even before 9/11, there was fear. But accounting for 9/11 in terms of fear may appear too simplistic and unsatisfying. Thus it’s important to qualify how fear operates at different levels. Thus, we can speak of the:

Fear of Change

As long as some do not accept that the world has changed, they will try to externalise their frustration through hate speech and violence. Thus, we have ideologies that misappropriate religion for their own political interests. Recent examples include the American Christian Right and Ismism. All promise to return to a world where they feel safe and control because they cling to a false belief that only one view of the world is valid.

Fear of Loss

Some of us  feel threatened by the ‘other’. There is a tendency for us to believe that our view of the world is correct. A false belief that we are independent selves and that we’re better or more superior than other people. We feel threatened by difference because it challenges our map of reality. We are ready to cling to beliefs that are irrational or incorrect. We justify violence because we see it as a way to protect who we are - or who we think we are. Thus, we have sexism, racism, disablism and so on and so forth. In a sense, we become slaves to the labels we give ourselves.

Fear of Losing Self

Finally, perhaps the subtler of fears. The fear of losing our self. In a way, this can be compared to the fear of death. But, the only difference perhaps is that this fear is more present and a real possibility. We fear to face who we are may be because we are not really sure of who we are. We keep holding on to our convictions not out of genuine effort but because we know that, if challenged, we are defenceless. We want to retain control and fear change because we were never on a solid foundation to start with.

There are no easy solutions to fear. However, what is sure, is that closing our minds and hearts to others who we perceive as different, foreign or as a threat, won’t heal the wound. Indeed, this may worsen the cycle of violence and hate that exists today. There remains a mistrust in our world which is somehow justified.

For, the modern war (if you may use that word) is increasingly becoming an individual matter. Everyone can be an enemy. It may even be a friend, a relation or someone you know. The recent shootings in Aurora, for example, exemplify how easy it has become to commit  individual acts of violence. There, are of course, suicide bombers still killing others they want to destroy and killing themselves in the process.

Thus, it’s now not only a matter of nations or world leaders whether there’s world peace. Then, it follows that it becomes more important that we are the ones who work for peace. Yes, there is the fears I discussed above.

We fear change. But, in truth, change is part of life. Ironically, we cannot change the fact that things change. It’s not a good or bad thing because change leads to growth and can lead to progress. Rejecting change means that we remain in a world that, however safe, is not real.

We fear difference. Perhaps because it challenges our view of ourselves. Accepting difference might mean to abandon our idea that wee are better than other people. Even labelling others as ‘less fortunate’ is a false belief that we don’t have any control over our lives or that injustice and inequality is natural and inevitable. Yet, while we are different on some levels, we are all human beings who share in the joy and suffering of life. Whoever we are, we were born of a mother, we all get sick, we all get old and we will all die. In this respect, our identity will not change this - even if it may change how we deal with these processes.
 We fear to lose who we are. But, how much of who we are has been given to us by others. Our names to start with. The fact is that there is no constant self. We aren’t who we were ten years ago. We’re not the same selves we were when we were children. This will change. Thus, our fear will not help and denying the fact that there are people who may be different than us leads nowhere but self delusion.

What does all this have to do with 9/11? The tragic events that happened on that day didn’t happen just like that. They happened because of many factors, one being fear. The fear of reaching out to others, a fear to accept things as they are and fear of losing our identity. A fear that has continued feeding into a cycle of violence. A cycle emerging out of a failure to communicate and reach out to others. A failure to correct injustice and poverty because of national interest.

It’s a failure to look at people who appear different than us as being part of us. Part of one human family facing the same challenges and all having the potential to improve the world.
We can’t afford to remain insulated in our own worlds of beliefs. We need to challenge and change who we are. Silence may help but if that means we stop talking to each other, it can be destructive.

Today, humans have the potential to build a better world but, at the same time, they have acquired weapons that can reap havoc and even destroy the whole planet in a matter of hours. Peace is the only rational choice. For, whether we like it or not, we are all in this world together. And while it may sound rather naïve to use such language, the truth is that we may need to start outgrowing the idea that we are distinct human beings but rather consider to be people with differences rather than different people altogether.

For history has shown that violence only breeds more violence. By continuing this violence by pretending to defend ourselves from another 9/11, we would be doing the same thing the hijackers did on that day. We would be killing our ‘enemy’ but, at the same time, we would be killing ourselves.

I believe that renewing a dialogue based on peace and mutual respect and cooperation is the only way to honour those who died (and are dying) as a result of the 9/11 attacks.

It may be the only way to prevent more 9/11s…

The 'Normality' of Impairment

Since I adopted a Buddhist outlook on life, I've felt that I've found home. Yes, my experience is subjective and very personal. I don't claim that other ways by which people can create meaning in life are of less value. Thus, I don take any radical position that is extremely secular or religious but focus on its consistence to truth. What I seek to build is and attain a state of genuine love and compassion.

At times, I do forget that by now, I should have gone beyond limiting who I am as, say, defining who I was solely on the basis of my impairment and social disability. This doesn't mean that I've abandoned my commitment to promote equality and uireinclusion. However, this requires me to adjust my approach inachieving equality. I recognise today how a dialogue of reconciliation was far better than one based on confrontation.

After all, while contemporary society still tends to describe me as 'abnormal' and even 'special', this same society forgets that people with impairments are the 'real human norm'. For, as long as we live, we will continue to regress both physically and mentally as we age. of course, we may age differently in old age. Yet, by denying the everyday reality of impairment we are also denying the human value of others whose life is consistent with reality.

Through a personal commitment to rediscover true happiness in my life and reclaim my humanity, I may invariably erected barriers with those who appeared to oppress me. The irony, Oc course, what this result was the last thing I wanted.

That's why I feel more connected with those I might have considered enemies. That's why I believe in taking the first step and take it from there.

I was surprised at what an approach based on the values of love and compassion can have on my own happiness and peace!!!