September 11: An Open Wound?

I have already talked about the terrible events which took place in the United States on September 11, 2001 last year in the  post entitled 10 Years of Fear. Eleven  years have passed and we do well to remember the memories of those who died on that day and those who died as a consequence of 9/11. But it would be wrong to stop there and not be ready to move on, and, yes, let go.

For, horrible as 9/11 was, this event isn’t actually the cause of all the distrust and intolerance that we still witness to this day. Hate and revenge have always been a dark part of human nature. If you look closely and reflect on what might have caused 9/11, you may be surprised that there’s a very rational explanation to why we have reached such levels of hate and violence.

The fact is that even before 9/11, there was fear. But accounting for 9/11 in terms of fear may appear too simplistic and unsatisfying. Thus it’s important to qualify how fear operates at different levels. Thus, we can speak of the:

Fear of Change

As long as some do not accept that the world has changed, they will try to externalise their frustration through hate speech and violence. Thus, we have ideologies that misappropriate religion for their own political interests. Recent examples include the American Christian Right and Ismism. All promise to return to a world where they feel safe and control because they cling to a false belief that only one view of the world is valid.

Fear of Loss

Some of us  feel threatened by the ‘other’. There is a tendency for us to believe that our view of the world is correct. A false belief that we are independent selves and that we’re better or more superior than other people. We feel threatened by difference because it challenges our map of reality. We are ready to cling to beliefs that are irrational or incorrect. We justify violence because we see it as a way to protect who we are - or who we think we are. Thus, we have sexism, racism, disablism and so on and so forth. In a sense, we become slaves to the labels we give ourselves.

Fear of Losing Self

Finally, perhaps the subtler of fears. The fear of losing our self. In a way, this can be compared to the fear of death. But, the only difference perhaps is that this fear is more present and a real possibility. We fear to face who we are may be because we are not really sure of who we are. We keep holding on to our convictions not out of genuine effort but because we know that, if challenged, we are defenceless. We want to retain control and fear change because we were never on a solid foundation to start with.

There are no easy solutions to fear. However, what is sure, is that closing our minds and hearts to others who we perceive as different, foreign or as a threat, won’t heal the wound. Indeed, this may worsen the cycle of violence and hate that exists today. There remains a mistrust in our world which is somehow justified.

For, the modern war (if you may use that word) is increasingly becoming an individual matter. Everyone can be an enemy. It may even be a friend, a relation or someone you know. The recent shootings in Aurora, for example, exemplify how easy it has become to commit  individual acts of violence. There, are of course, suicide bombers still killing others they want to destroy and killing themselves in the process.

Thus, it’s now not only a matter of nations or world leaders whether there’s world peace. Then, it follows that it becomes more important that we are the ones who work for peace. Yes, there is the fears I discussed above.

We fear change. But, in truth, change is part of life. Ironically, we cannot change the fact that things change. It’s not a good or bad thing because change leads to growth and can lead to progress. Rejecting change means that we remain in a world that, however safe, is not real.

We fear difference. Perhaps because it challenges our view of ourselves. Accepting difference might mean to abandon our idea that wee are better than other people. Even labelling others as ‘less fortunate’ is a false belief that we don’t have any control over our lives or that injustice and inequality is natural and inevitable. Yet, while we are different on some levels, we are all human beings who share in the joy and suffering of life. Whoever we are, we were born of a mother, we all get sick, we all get old and we will all die. In this respect, our identity will not change this - even if it may change how we deal with these processes.
 We fear to lose who we are. But, how much of who we are has been given to us by others. Our names to start with. The fact is that there is no constant self. We aren’t who we were ten years ago. We’re not the same selves we were when we were children. This will change. Thus, our fear will not help and denying the fact that there are people who may be different than us leads nowhere but self delusion.

What does all this have to do with 9/11? The tragic events that happened on that day didn’t happen just like that. They happened because of many factors, one being fear. The fear of reaching out to others, a fear to accept things as they are and fear of losing our identity. A fear that has continued feeding into a cycle of violence. A cycle emerging out of a failure to communicate and reach out to others. A failure to correct injustice and poverty because of national interest.

It’s a failure to look at people who appear different than us as being part of us. Part of one human family facing the same challenges and all having the potential to improve the world.
We can’t afford to remain insulated in our own worlds of beliefs. We need to challenge and change who we are. Silence may help but if that means we stop talking to each other, it can be destructive.

Today, humans have the potential to build a better world but, at the same time, they have acquired weapons that can reap havoc and even destroy the whole planet in a matter of hours. Peace is the only rational choice. For, whether we like it or not, we are all in this world together. And while it may sound rather naïve to use such language, the truth is that we may need to start outgrowing the idea that we are distinct human beings but rather consider to be people with differences rather than different people altogether.

For history has shown that violence only breeds more violence. By continuing this violence by pretending to defend ourselves from another 9/11, we would be doing the same thing the hijackers did on that day. We would be killing our ‘enemy’ but, at the same time, we would be killing ourselves.

I believe that renewing a dialogue based on peace and mutual respect and cooperation is the only way to honour those who died (and are dying) as a result of the 9/11 attacks.

It may be the only way to prevent more 9/11s…

Random Reflections on Death

Last Thursday, I woke up to what appeared to be going to be just another. day. True, I was still recovering from my back pain and even today, I am still completely pain free. Thankfully, my arthritis isn’t giving me significant problems and I went to work as usual. Yet, I insisted that it was just another day. But, was it? For that matter are the days of our life all the same? Why we forget that, as far we know, anything could happen at any point during the day or night.

Indeed that night, the right side of my body went, for most, tingly and numb. In spite of the fact that this has happened already months before, I was very scared as my circulation returned. In that state of fear and helplessness, one of my worries were because I wasn’t sure of what was happening and couldn’t control it! I was afraid to lose my self there and then. Perhaps I had remained too much attached to who I was. Yet again, there was a fear of where I would go if I would die.

In reality, I realised that I could do nothing. That, at that point, I just needed to let go for anything that is meant to happen and which was beyond my power, will happen.

Surprisingly, there are feelings of anger and fear that emerge once in a while following this experience. I still have to deal with those. However, my feelings may be coming from the realisation that my life may end just like that and how important to do my best when I’m still alive,

No One Remembers A Loser

Since the world's attention, especially of sports enthusiasts, is drawn on the events of the London Olympics 2012, I thought I might take some time to meditate on the significance of the Olympics. Of course, there were many topics that I could have addressed in this entry. I could ask different questions and considered whether this international event builds bridges between nations. I could have reflected on humanity's ability to push their limits. I could have questioned the fact that people like me, who are disabled, have to participate in a separate para-olympics as if we're not to mix with other athletes. Granted, we may engage in adaptations of certain sports and we would  disadvantaged if we competed with others who lack impairments that would pose limits to their performance. But, as I see it, disabled and non-disabled athletes could learn from each other on many levels.

Yet, I chose to write about "losers", or those athletes who won nothing, performed poorly or even didn't get to the finish line. Even if we say that what is important is participating - not winning - the nature of competitive sport is to ensure you outperform your rival. In such an environment, what matters most is to win. Success is measured by how many points you have gained and failure is disgraceful and not tolerated. In addition, winning is an achievement not only for your team, friends or family but can also an act of patriotism and and a political statement. It has been used to promote the ideologies of Nazism in earlier times.

However, the athletes competing find themselves training to win a gold medal. So, it's only natural that after you have dreamt of excelling and of winning Olympic medals, you don't qualify for any medal. After all the sacrifice , the training and hours preparing for success, you end up empty-handed. You feel you've failed your country, your team, your friends and your family and loved ones. Yet, you also know that you have failed your self. You relive your "failure" ovER and over in your mind. You try to understand what went wrong. You find no answers that fully satisfy. If your fall was serious, you might be remembered as a "loser.

I have never an interest in sport. Despite this fact, there were occasions when I felt I worked hard to achieve a goal, only to fail. I would ask myself how this could have happened. Hadn't I done all my best? I would be disappointed and indulge in self-pity as if I was the victim of a great injustice. I would conclude that it was my fault, or on the other extreme, try to blame external factors. Instead of learning from my experience, I wouldn't move on.

While there's nothing wrong with disappointment and in taking some time to mourn over your loss, I realise today that, at one point, you must put the past behind. This isn't saying that you deny what happened but that you take it as an opportunity to grow. Indeed, such an experience could be opportunity to put your life into perspective and rethinking your life priorities. Unfortunately, our world seems only to celebrate success while ostracising so-called "losers".

On the other hand, the world forgets that true success is often a product of many failures. Our life is the same. Sadly, we often believe in the myths of perfection. A perfection that contradicts the way the world is. We are deluded in a belief that failure is unacceptable and excellence is the ultimate goal. As a child, I learned to walk and I had many falls as well. Now, I find not enough strength to walk or stand up for long. Am I a loser for not persisting in trying and use my time and energy in an attempt to get back to the past? I do understand that some would interpret my choice as admitting failure and I do respect made by other people in my position to recover their strength. Then again, I chose to adapt and dedicate my life to living life. And even if the world might judge me as a loser, I don't to remain attached to a goal that is unrealistic.

I wish everyone competing in this year's London Olympics, all the success. However, in case you lose or under perform, take this as an opportunity to learn from this experience and be prepared to accept that this is part of being human..

While this might be a bitter drug to swallow, you are the only one who really knows how much you have put into it. At the same time, remember that neither success or failure defines who you as a person.

Surrender to an Emptiness of Being

I find that I am at a point in my practice when I am faced with a deep sense of emptiness. I cannot describe what this feeling is like. I am sorry that I am lost for words.

The more I contemplate about life, the more I realise how empty my life really is. Not because it lacks joy, happiness or meaning. But, rather, it’s because I know that there’s a lot I don’t know and much of it I will never know in a lifetime.

I hesitate to write about the after-life, for in truth, I am not sure of that either. I am reluctant to speak of God because talking about God is dangerous for I’ve been witness to many who profess to believe in a god they created in their own image.

I am faced with an uncomfortable emptiness as I think of who I am. Or, more accurately, who I thought I was. I recognise that my life is insignificant compared to the immensity of the universe we inhabit. The universe that I believe exists but of that I am not sure either. And, then, there is a darkness which compels me to admit that I am lost. That I was always lost and my previous beliefs were, in many ways, delusions.

I am burdened by a sense of sadness. And sadness is not even the right word. It’s not a sadness borne out of despair or desperation but one which emerges from the awareness of my nothingness. My realisation of the futility of a life spent chasing personal gain at the expense of other beings.

I realise that what I write may not make any sense. I apologise for that. I don’t have the answers to life’s questions. The more I contemplate about life, the greater is the sense of unknowing. The greater I find that I will never know. But, perhaps, this is the lesson that I need to learn. That I have to admit that, inasmuch as I may accumulate knowledge, this is a time when I must be humble enough to acknowledge my true insignificance and helplessness in life.

I need to surrender and accept the reality of my humanity. This is not about giving up on life but it’s about accepting reality. It’s about recognising that I am like other human beings limited in how much I can know or understand. It’s a humility that is not ashamed of its own limitations. It’s not a defeat or even an escape from life - even if those can be potential risks.

I want to search for truth. I want to manifest my authentic being. But now, I only sense a deep sadness, perceive a boundless emptiness and a blinding darkness. I see no hope of release. No hope in belief or science. I am consumed by doubt and fear.

To this emptiness, I surrender.

In Memory of Identity - Part 4

Continued from Part 3

The realisation that our memories, and consequently, our identities can be so fragile and vulnerable might make us feel sad. On the other hand, it should help us reflect more on the preciousness of the everyday moment. It should make us more aware of how unique and sacred the experience of living is and open our hearts and minds to those around us and to all living beings.

The awareness of that who we are today would not be possible were it for the people we have met throughout our lives should make us reflect on how co-dependent we are on the world. For if it wasn’t for the material world, we wouldn’t be able to sustain our bodies. For if It hadn’t been for the many people, past and present, who taught us how to be human, we wouldn’t be seeking more from life and asking what life is all about. For if it hadn’t been for the Earth and all the conditions that made life possible, we wouldn’t be here as a species and would have never evolved in the first place.

I want to grow and practice mindfulness not to achieve fame and fortune but to find the peace and happiness that sometimes still eludes me. I know that I am not wise and did falter before and I am sure that I will falter again. However, I realise that, despite my failings, change does not come without a degree of sacrifice and an open mind.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a position when I start forgetting who I am. I confess that the possibility does frighten me. However, life is unpredictable and it could happen. I hope that those around me will still view me as a human being and support me in the best way they can. I also hope that as I drift into forgetting, I will appreciate the present moments as I experience them. For, even now, the present moment is really what we experience. And it flees away so quickly.

The End

In Memory of Identity - Part 3

Continued from Part 2

People who have severe memory loss challenge our ideas about identity. They force us to consider that our identity isn’t as solid and constant as we wish to believe. If this wasn’t the case, we wouldn’t grow. Change would be impossible and we wouldn’t be able to adapt. Life without change leads to an inevitable death. There is no escaping that fact.

Buddhism talks about the principle of dependent arising which is relevant to this reflection on memory and identity. For while we may deem people having memory loss as suffering, 

we experience suffering ourselves as we witness another human being fading into oblivion. It’s undeniable that the person experiencing memory loss may be going through a nightmarish existence where nothing makes sense any more.

Yet, the more I contemplate this reality, the more I realise how I, myself, don’t exist without a frame of reference. We exist in relation to others. We define ourselves in relation to the world around us. Our identity is not absolute and is in a flux. A single experience, a word, or even a piece of music, can alter our sense of self. And we can’t even claim to be self-made as we’re tempted to do in a Western society preoccupied with independence and individuality.

For in truth, the memories that remind us of who we are or we think we are have been shaped by our friends, family, society, history, culture, language and many more. Our contribution to our identity becomes significantly limited. But, we have the most important tool in our mind. We can choose to remain passive and complacent or learn to cultivate awareness. 

Many times, I notice that people go on living as if their life was immortal. They take life for granted without opening their minds to the world around them. We are sometimes too concerned with preserving the memory of our identity when, in fact, the self is only the product of many processes working together to create an illusion of self. A self dependent on our senses, our perceptions, on our histories and the context we’re living in. Ultimately, we hold all this together thanks to a memory that, as a product of mind, is also prone to decay.

Continues...

In Memory of Identity - Part 2

Continued from Part 1 

 

We often underestimate the importance of memory in defining who we are. Indeed, our identity is dependent on memory. Our past only exists in our memories. We create our present from the accumulation of memories. Even our futures are often rooted in our past and present experience which we remember thanks to our memory. If we had to forget everything we learned in the past, or incapable of creating new memories, it appears to us as an unbearable existence. For, in truth, memory is at the basis of everything we think of as human.

 

If there was no memory, there would be no history since historians wouldn’t remember what happened yesterday and wouldn’t feel a need to record it. Science wouldn’t exist as knowledge about the world is lost as soon as it is observed. There would be no need for politics, religion or philosophy as in a amnesiac world, time becomes irrelevant for to perceive time, we must be able to know what happened before and assume that after this moment there will be another one and yet another. There would be no language, for no one would be able to remember concepts or words.

 

To us, who are so unaware of how dependent we are on memory, a life where we lose our memory to the point of forgetting ourselves is a fate comparable to death It’s only natural to fear this sort of death. But are our memories really that reliable and infallible? Aren’t our memories like everything in life, prone to distortion and corruption? Is the past we reminisce about an authentic representation of the past that existed? Are we really in tune with our present existence? Are our futures but projections of our fears and desires with no firm grounding in reality?

Continues...

in Memory of Identity - Part 1

First, let me start with a haiku

I do lose myself
In a nature beyond me
Finding compassion

After a hard day and a deep restful sleep, I sometimes find myself having to adjust once again to a waking state. I need to make a little effort to remember what happened last night and what I had to do that morning.

Even if it’s not as worrying as memory loss that characterise some mental states, I wonder where my mind was during the time I was asleep. Where was I? And who was I? The truth of the matter is that during sleep, we enter a state not that different than death.

When you hear about the death of someone, even if he or she is not close to you, we are momentarily forced to reflect about the everyday reality of death. Yet, we fail to see that each day, in many ways, we are dying on different levels. Inasmuch as death terrifies most of us, we are also afraid of one day waking up to realise that we don’t know who we truly are any more. The prospect of forgetting ourselves is, of course, associated with old age.

However, more serious cases of memory loss, such as dementia are particularly disconcerting as they effectively conditions that threaten our belief in an ever present self.
During sleep, we forget who we are. In that condition, who we are becomes immaterial. We need to rest and, if that means completely shutting down to the world, we are willing to forget the world for a while. We don’t plan to sleep or can really suppress it for long without experiencing health or psychological problems. It’s not only natural but it appears to be necessary for our wellbeing. Yet, when we wake up, we need to function again in a material world. There, we turn to our memories.

Continues...

Lonely but not Alone - Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Now, we reach the final point of life when this loneliness manifests itself most strongly. a stage of life that every living being must undergo. Death. A five letter word which, in many ways, forms the basis of human history and has defined our species. Ironically, death has also ensured that our species survived all these millennia since it ensures renewal and fresh life. However, even putting it in that perspective doesn’t make it more desirable. Death frightens us for many reasons. One of the reasons that we fear death is that we don’t know what awaits us on the other side.

However, one thing that scares us is the fact that no one can die in our place. We know that once we die, for all we know, there will be nobody. Even more frightening is the realisation that we may lose our sense of self and be nothing - as if we never existed. I’m reminded of the Buddhist teaching that “form is emptiness, emptiness is form”. whatever we may believe, there is nothing in the world that can exist without others. Our craving for an “I” only makes us forget that even if we may be lonely and misunderstood, we may take the opportunity to find ourselves reflected in others and thus grow in compassion.

For, at the same time we feel lonely, many millions are also lonely. while you’re feeling unwell, many millions are unwell or even dying. when your time comes to die, keep in mind that millions of people are also dying and scared of what is beyond. There are also millions who are hoping for a better future and, in their own ways, are doing their part to reduce the suffering. We share this life in all its beauty and its horrors. But, at the end of the day or our lifetime, all the artificial boundaries that set us apart in this life, will become meaningless vanity..


THE END

Lonely but not Alone - Part 1

There are times in our life when we realise the extent of our loneliness. once we leave the safety of our mother’s womb, we find ourselves in a world which appears hostile and foreign to us. we may be surrounded by all the loving and caring people in the world but lacking the ability to make ourselves understood, we can only cry and express ourselves through our bodies. as we grow older, we manage to figure out how to get across and better communicate our needs and, eventually, develop an identity and personality. But this is only possible through our relation with others.

 

Indeed, who we are today is actually a result of many factors., starting with our early experiences with our mothers or caregivers, proceeding to our interactions with other children, then with figures of authority (teachers, religious figures, policemen, etc). The way those around us behave or the way they treated and defined us all has a lasting influence on who we are today. In this sense, the idea of a self-made person is a myth since it assumes we are unaffected by our bodies, society, culture religion or traditions., 

 

There is so much that goes on in our mind that we don’t notice. It’s when we find ourselves in a crisis that we start asking the questions. and at these times that we find ourselves almost in the same situation of our past unborn bing with an important difference. Now we’re not safe and sheltered from the outside world any longer. But we may again feel as if the world can’t relate to us which forces us to retreat to our own inner world. Yes, we may not be alone but very lonely. You’re aware that insomuch as people may be compassionate or sensitive, they won’t fully understand what is going on in your mind and heart.

For some people, disease and illness can be a moment when you realise how easy it is to lose your strength and wish that you were well again. In those moments of weakness or pain, there is a realisation that you’re alone in your experience - and yet, you know that many others have gone through a similar ordeal. But then, it’s you who are immersed in it. It may be part of our life journey as human beings but because it’s ours, it becomes the more significant and intimate.

But while accepting that all this is part of the life process doesn’t remove the pain, it opens up your heart to the pain of others. This pain need not be the cause of suffering. This doesn’t mean one gives up on life and on getting better but accept the impermanence of things and, yes, rethink your life’s priorities and learn to detach yourself from the past and try to build a better future.

 

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