Pain - Teach Me Life

I'm in pain once again. It's my back and legs now as well. It's hard and I struggle to type this entry in my present condition. So, I'll limit myself to a few reflections.

Of course, it's difficult for me to cope at times. I get to ask the question - why me? After all, I have been through so much over these years that I don't need this. Yet, when I realise how others may be going through much more serious suffering, I am compelled to ask why not me. What makes me so 'special' as to be spared to share in this human experience? Wouldn't be arrogant of me to expect to be spared just because I have through enough pain?

Doesn't this experience offer me the opportunity to Learn about who I am and my relation to others and the world?

Should I consume myself in anger and personal concerns while failing to grow in compassion? Aren't we, humans, all in the same situation? No one can escape this.

I also lay my hope that like everything else, this will end. Even if, at present, it seems hard to believe. I could deny myself the possibility of hope and indulge in self-pity and close my heart to the world. But that wouldn't help me or anyone for that matter.

This is my current reality. Uncomfortable - sure. Unnecessary - perhaps. But, useless it is not.

I witness the present moment. There's pain that comes and goes. But every one of these moments is unique and I must trust and live in the realities that surround me.

There'll be times of hope and others of despair. Successes and failures in how I dealpain. Yet, I refuse to define myself with this temporal pain. My humanity goes beyond that.

I may choose to drown in despair or affirm life by accepting this experience, learn from it and letting go.

Nobody can decide this but me.

I will try to choose to follow the path of hope.

This is a choice that no one can make on my behalf.

But it's a choice that I must make.

The New Year Haiku Trio: A Commentary

 

Prologue

 

During mindfulness practice, it’s often the case that I’m faced with thoughts and emotions that can’t be satisfactorily expressed using conventional language. During those times, I tended to rely on rhyming poetic verse - that is, until I discovered the Haiku which I found to allow me to open my awareness to a vaster array of interpretations - especially during times when I am faced with a lot of turbulent thoughts and emotions.

 

One such time is the new ear where we may find ourselves looking back at how we spent last year. And, as I felt I needed more clarity on what 2012 meant to me as a human being, I wrote a haiku to capture my state of mind. It’s actually a haiku trio and so, I’ll go through each haiku segment and share a few personal meditations on the words as they flow:

 

A New Year Haiku Trio

From: Haiku Flow, 

URL: http://haikuflow.gordongd.com/2012/12/a-new-year-haiku-trio.html 

1

An other year is over,

Many days we have forgotten -

Dried up … like raindrops.

 

 Commentary

 

If you think about it, we only remember little of what has happened to us over the course of last year. Hopefully, we retain a sense of who we are - even if our sense of who we are (or our sense of self) is a transient one. Like all other things, we have changed as persons whether we are aware of it or not. e don’t realise it but even our bodies have literally been changed as old cells are replaced by new ones.

 

However, these changes happen so slowly and on such a minute scale that we just move on through life thinking that the only significant changes that occur are external to us. And, even then, our memories forget. This isn’t neither good nor bad. Yet, it’s sometimes the case that we take what we have for granted - even with a sense of pride and entitlement - without acknowledging or appreciating the source of all we have to keep on living as physical beings - the living world around us.  

   

2

Do we remember?

The tears shed, laughter shared… Do we?

Yet, this is our life….

 

Commentary

 

These verses follow on the theme of time and impermanence. At the same time, it goes beyond that and compels us to ask ourselves what, exactly, have we learned from life during the course of this year. While we may have gained plenty of knowledge and experience. We may have had many experiences of suffering and joy, but if we didn’t take the time to reflect on what we have gone through, where these moments in our life worthwhile? 

 

While we cannot change our bodies and minds in radical ways, we have a choice whether we grow out of the experiences we encounter in life or give up and indulge in a life where we blame others (hate), believe our solutions are external (desire) or go on through life without being (ignorance). These three poisons often might lead us to pursue the same life and ineffectual strategies that we have grown used to. Unfortunately, growth that resists change and doesn’t allow change is no growth at all. On the other hand, change that is made for the sake of it can be equally toxic.

 

3

Another year is born.

Our chance to live again. Anew.

To be here. Fully.

 

 

Commentary

 

This last verse of the haiku trio I wrote appears to be an invitation to accept life as it comes. At least, now that I read it again, it’s not just about a new year. For, in truth, given the different ways humankind has measured time, any day can be a new year. And, yes, in many ways, a new day is a new year. In truth, if you take away the fuss that we make out of adding a number to a calendar year and creating a day when we can take time off work, a new year’s day is just another day. It follows that it doesn’t have to be a new year to compel us to improve on our ways. Everyday offers us the possibility to grow and change. Everyday is the opportunity to experience our life in  its full potential.

 

And, perhaps, this is the main reflection underpinning the haiku trio. That, in order to live our full potential as human beings, we first need to recognise who we are in the world. We may dream to fly like birds, but our bodies are currently not equipped to fly. However, we can fly because some have considered the limitations imposed to us by nature and explored solutions around these apparent limitations. However, the reality of things had to be factored in so that we could, in some way, be able to fly.

 

Concluding Remarks

 

I don’t think I should add more commentary. I just hope this has provided you, the reader, with some food for thought. I remind you that the reflections I make in the haiku I wrote for Haiku Flow attempts to capture that sense of impermanence and transience. While below I provide my own interpretation of what the haiku verses appear to tell me, other ideas about its meaning to you might 

 

The Virtues of Pain

It’s now more than a week since persistent back pain caused by an injury has forced me to consume pain medication which adds up to the daily dose f steroids I need in order to keep my general condition under control. These days were also more difficult following a number of disappointments I had in my life. Indeed, only now can I seem to have renewed hope in a better tomorrow. A tomorrow when I can return back to work and join my work mates once again.

Even if I wish to escape the pain, I must admit that, whatever we do,. certain type of pain is inevitable and may be even necessary.

Here I am not saying that I just accept the pain that's purely physical without making use of medication to relief the immediate pain. Indeed, one should make proper use of technological innovation to address the symptoms of pain. But, then again, we should accept the fact that not all pain is valueless and that pain itself can help us connect to others and to our basic humanity.

Such an approach to pain appears to be a contradiction to the pleasure seeking or hedonistic ideal that equates pain and suffering with evil while pleasure and physical comfort are the higher goods of our current age.


While it’s a natural response to reject pain, not all pain can be removed. I have experienced moments of pain where I even questioned if there was any point in going on. These moments often led me to consider even suicide. But these thoughts eventually would last for days or even months until I would realize that, instead of brooding on my bad fortune, I could learn from this experience. It’s not easy as it might appear when expressed in words and I don’t judge those who failed and and are no longer with us.

However, I can’t help worry about the implication of a hedonism that aims to reject pain because it often leads to the elimination of those people whose lives, due to their pain, are deemed unworthy of living as their lives are perceived as insignificant burdens and ‘lies not worth living’. A life such as my own. In addition, a pleasure seeking attitude to life may result in a decrease in palliative care treatment and lack of funding in pain management research. It would mean removing the person instead of alleviating the pain.

There were many things I reflected upon during these times of pain. Things that I had forgotten as I went about with life until I was forced to stop. I realized how, in spite of any disagreements, my family was there to support me.

I realized that my friends hadn’t abandoned me in this moment of need. I realiszed that if it wasn’t for the work of many others unknown to me, I would’t have anything to brink or eat, no electricity, no means of reaching out to the world. If it hadn’t been for those who encouraged me to ask the right questions, my life today would have been different. Finally, if it hadn’t been for doctors and scientists that have developed treatment and medication to deal with conditions like my own, I would not be here today.

In this sense, pain reminds us of our own vulnerability as human beings and awakens us to the fact that we need each other in life and that we are part of one single human family.

The Wisdom of Pearls

Pearls remain one of the most valued objects today with the smallest costing from a few hundred dollars to ones costing up to thousands. There may be many reasons people are priced so high. After all, they are produced by a natural process, by a mollusc, a living being, and, yes, they evoke a certain beauty and perfection.

It was at a seafood restaurant that I wondered about pearls. In theory, molluscs such as mussels may produce one. But pearls are often associated with oysters. But, if oysters and other such organisms, are capable of producing a pearl, why don’t we find one every time we get on? On doing some research, I discovered that the pearl, in fact, is the product of an oyster’s attempt to gain relief from discomfort.

Indeed, since molluscs are confined to their shells, there is no way to remove a splinter such as a speck of sand. So, using a substance called “nacre”, it gains relief from its discomfort. Incidentally, “nacre” is the same substance it uses to create its shell. Thus, one can say that a pearl, is in fact, created because the oyster wants to get some kind of peace and rest.

That is why not all oysters which grow in nature have pearls. In a way, oysters who are forced to form a pearl are unwell. Yet, we value the most those pearls which, out of their attempt to gain freedom from pain, create one of the most beautiful object, we - as human beings - find of value. Yet, for the oyster itself, a pearl is somewhat not unlike a scar that cannot be removed but lies there as a constant reminder of an unhappier past.

What does this have to do with us? Well, in today’s society we tend to look at pain of every form as the great evil awhile we view pleasure as the most desirable. But, we forget that while pain and discomfort may not always be necessary, at times we must go through a certain degree of pain and discomfort to grow. And while, during hard times, we may be tempted to escape from an unpleasant reality, the fact that the more we resist our discomfort, the more it will hurt us.

Here, perhaps we can learn from the oyster. While the oyster cannot get rid of a splinter, it uses its own body to make it part of her. However, it does not stop there but keeps the painful intrusion at a safe distance. In this way, while the oyster and the pearl remain connected to each other in one way, the fact is that the oyster is also able to gain relief and carry on with life.Thus, it accepts the pearl into her home but, at the same time, is detached from it.

How many times in our life have we made mistakes>? How many times were we in pain or in an uncomfortable situation? How many times have we felt ashamed of ourselves? I can say that there were quite a few in my life. Yet, can I change them if they happened years ago? Can I change them if their cause remains beyond my control?

The thing is that many times, we cannot change our pasts. So, like oysters, we need to accept that discomfort. However, with the benefit of hindsight and experience or our “nacre”, we can turn our pain into something that is of value and precious, the way we live our life, or our “pearl”. Even if, unlike oysters, we all have to face splinters of pain or discomfort, we all have the potential to change something that is negative into a positive future.

But, first, perhaps we must stop fighting reality if we know we can do nothing about it. And, yes, we cannot avoid to go through a degree of further pain and discomfort to start to heal.

My Personal Commitment to the Call of Compassion: 100 Posts On...

This is the 100th entry I’m posting on the ZoneMind. To be honest when I first started writing entries with my first simply called Beginnings I posted on that Saturday of May 2011, I wasn’t sure what I would be getting into. Moreover, I had no idea on how this blog would develop and whether I’ll continue updating it and not, like on some occasions before in real life, simply left it to undergo an eventual death of its own.

I am, at one level, satisfied that I have managed to keep this blog up for as long as I did. Indeed, I hope to continue updating it as I grow older. Of course, my outlook on life and my engagement with Buddhism and Buddhist practice will remain an essential part of the inspiration for my posts here. I must admit that I found a home in the Buddhist dharma or teachings of the Buddha. A feeling that I cannot fully express but which, I feel, has given me a lot and a state of refuge.

However, in spite of the fact that this journey of self-discovery has enriched my appreciation of life and brought me closer to other human beings, For sure, it  hasn’t made me impassive to the human situation. Indeed, as I write this I am happy but I am still pained when I hear of the natural disasters currently taking place. I am saddened to hear of the horror of war and conflict happening in the world. I am angered when I hear of injustice and corruption that seem to tarnish all trust in human nature.

I feel helpless because I know that there is little I can really do and all I can do is to contribute to the happiness of those around me and try to change all our lives for the better. I cannot say that I have succeeded. aFter all, throughout my life, I have taken up so many identities that may be conflicting. As a child, I took the identity of a member of an elite group for the alternative was undesirable. Later on in life, I felt like a victim as I got into grips with an additional visual impairment. This led me to adopting an identity of disability activist. Throughout my life I have been defined as a “Christ figure” bearing the cross of my impairment or as a “less fortunate” person.

Yet, no matter how I defined myself or any way others tended to define me failed to acknowledge me as a full human being. I always defined myself in terms of restrictive labels. Others defined me on their own terms. I was never free from imposed identities placed by others and those I chose myself. These last ones  appeared more liberating. But was I denying the most important thing of all, the value of being human?

Have I really stopped and asked myself why people thought I was different and not fully human? I now approach the same feelings and thoughts that emerge in my daily life with compassion. I, myself, feel the need to be treated with compassion and not with pity. For compassion treats others as equals, it doesn’t patronise or take up from an assumed higher position.

Some may say that in affirming a commitment to compassion, I am somewhat too soft and unrealistic. But I dare to be different. For here I am simply affirming my humanity. I am no different than other human being, I am no different, biologically, to any other primate and I am not different, materially, than other particle mass. At the same time, I am self-aware and in this sense, I have additional responsibility over the welfare of the world and those around me. These express the three main fundamentals of Buddhist teachings which I have dealt with extensively throughout this blog.

The fact that who we are arises dependently (dependent arising) which expresses the truth that without our relation to the world and others, we would never achieve our full human potential.
The fact that we are co-dependent (or inter-dependent) on the world and others. Apart from taking up the qualities of being human, we sustain who we are thanks to a close relationship between the world and others.
We are impermanent. The third teaching also affirms how we are inseparable from the world and others. It makes us aware of the fact that, like other things, we are not permanent and will one day be no more in our present forms.

Of course, even if they appear simple, these teachings offer much space for thought and further meditation for  future posts.

I’m not denying that I remain respectful of other spiritual traditions which I was brought up with, such as Roman Catholicism, or have become a secularist with its multiple   connotations. What I have discovered was that I feel what the world needs now is the promotion of an environment of compassion and the cultivation of inner peace and self-awareness. In this, I confess I have been greatly inspired by His Holiness the Dalai Lama whom I respect greatly .

Finally, I also wish to thank everyone who, directly and indirectly, helped me go on writing new entries to add to this blog. Thus, I thank my family, friends, even my enemies and all living beings for, unknowingly, helping me to write these first 100 entries!

Suffering and the Middle Way

One important thing I learned since taking up a daily Buddhist practiced was that I knew so little about who I am and about my relation to the world we inhabit. It wasn’t a journey without its pain and disappointment to discover that I wasn’t really that ‘special’. Even, as a human being, I did on many levels seek to stand out from the crowd. I also found out that I cannot find true happiness in external things and I should seek it inside.

I was never truly happy and was no stranger to physical pain either. However, the moments that caused me the greatest pain weren’t not only the ones when I felt physical pain. Rather, I felt more pain when people defined me as a ‘sufferer’ and not even bother to get to know me as a whole person. And while physical pain can become unbearable, we often try to distance ourselves from people who remind us of own helplessness and mortality. A reality that we must all face..

We may insist that physical suffering is always wrong but, on the other hand, we cannot deny that suffering can have a value. When my medical condition worsened or when my impairments regressed, I spent precious time wasted away in self-pity and anger. I wanted things to return to how they were before. Yet, I was actually hanging on to an unrealistic aspiration and had, for a time, attached myself to an unchanging self-image.

 

Even if Buddha’s first Noble Truth is often mistranslated to ‘life is suffering’ from the Pali word “Dukkha”, the closest translation of "dukkha"is actually “dissatisfaction”. While physical pain can be cause for suffering, Buddha was referring to the pain caused by our delusion that our lives are permanent and the things we possess have permanent natures. My understanding of dukkha is that arises out of of our attachment or clinging to a state that doesn’t have an objective reality.

Unfortunately, while we may take refuge in dukkha, there will always be occasions when we realise the folly of the belief in permanence. For if we’re honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our very human being cannot be separated from the awareness of our mortality. An awareness of death can also explain why we strive to leave a mark on the memories of our loved ones and the world after our inevitable death. We may find that we are striving to leave a part of who we are on those we leave behind. We may seek meaning for our impermanence in death. We may seek to leave a mark on the world through art and science. We may seek comfort in religion or philosophy. Yet, we hate to admit that, like little children, we are scared of dying.

 

We have so much that we lose. Worse of all, who who would we be if I lost who we are. The thing is that we do not know. We may pretend to have faith in the after-life or hold a particular religion to guide us, we are still unsure about what will happen after death. Even if it’s inevitable, death is a frightening prospect. There is still a hope that life will, somehow, go on. Even if we may not believe in an after-life, we don’t take our life for granted. We may even grip to the present life because we believe that this is, in fact, where life is. There will be none after and there was none before. Yet, we forget that who are we are is a result of a process that wouldn’t be possible without others, without society and without a community. Indeed, we are deluded by the myth that we can ever truly be independent.

Not even if we are deserted on an island, can we claim to be truly independent from food that sustains us and water that quenches our thirst. Denying that would be denying our humanity. And, even if it’s not a popular view,, we remain vulnerable and fragile just another human beings and - as another animal. Sadly, interpretations of religion has resulted in an anthropocentric view of the world and a denial of the importance of the body and its rejection. On the other hand, science can reduce the body to an object of research and human beings that are basically bunch a of cells. Yet, both fail to meet at a middle point.

However, it would be foolish to define who we are solely in terms of the body or In terms of a spirit or consciousness. For both are co-dependent on each other. Our self can be an illusion but we need to go beyond it and be ready to admit that even if we cannot objectively observe it, it has a kind of existence. One that is impermanent, one which arises out of society and human understanding (dependent arising) and co-exists with other beings )co-dependence). Lastly and the most important aspect of life we often forget is it’s the impermanent nature. And here we come to a point where we tread into uncertainty.

 

For example, I hesitate to hold an extreme position on the matter of the existence of God, an after-life and so on. This is because any statement that I might make, as an extreme position, will be false. For like those who declared war on the body or indulge in it as solely the source of pleasure, every step they take it seems they missing the point of life by stressing one quality while failing to recognise that extremes of human being are all biased interpretations of reality.

Thus, we have a capitalist system that focuses on individual freedom and a communism that puts common interests before individual rights. They appear not to agree on many levels and posit their politics in positive terms and holding their politics as the best one. Yet, they represent two extremes that are still a source of great alienation and poverty. I would be pretentious , to propose an alternative system. However, what I’m sure of that neither a system entirely based on individual rights or social responsibility can truly sustain itself. For such politics denies our humanity. We are never truly individuals but can only express our individuality in a social context. We cannot even place everyone in the same place for we all remain different in many ways. We cannot be treated in the same way but we can be treated equally. And there’s a big difference between the two approaches.

 

In this sense, the Buddha realised there was no lasting value in his life as a prince shielded from human pain and suffering and free to indulge in all the pleasures money could buy. Neither his was pursuit of self-mortification help him to find meaning and happiness in his life. Indeed, such a radical lifestyle was close to kill him. The teaching of the middle path is not just about moderation but in recognising that our life emerges out of our relation with others and who we are cannot be separated from our material reality.

 

Once the young Buddha was observing a chord player who would inspire him to develop the idea of the middle way, he told him:

 

“If you tighten the chords too much, it won’t play…

If they’re too loose, They won’t play,

Seek the middle way - not too tight, not too loose!“

 

Of course, I may be paraphrasing here but this teaching represents the essence of the teaching that, later Buddha would use to explain how we should live our life in order to life happy.

Indeed, the middle way goes beyond a simple teaching on moderation, Rather it’s an acknowledgement that with all our failings and
dependence, they are what makes us humans and even if Western society tends to be ashamed of admitting to its vulnerability, it represents a human truth that we all share. In this sense, while it’s ok to live healthy and comfortable, we are all affected by a desire to remain impermanent as long as we feel satisfied with life. If not, we seek external sources for our happiness.

 

Sadly, we don’t find happiness in considering the practice of balance as that found in the middle way. Instead, we close our hearts and minds to a restricted world view when we judge other people in terms of what we think they are. Without recognising that, in spite of all, at the core, we have to go through life till death without having a choice on whether we live or die.

The middle way isn’t the way by which we escape from taking responsibility for our actions or take up a convenient passivity. Rather, it’s a commitment to strive for the betterment of our world, a commitment to valuing life and other human beings. It’s a conscious attempt to genuinely reach out to others and to encourage a relationship based on mutual respect and authentic compassion.

It’s not about converting people or imposing one’s own beliefs on others arguing that we are right. It’s about helping irrespective of who you’re helping. It’s about giving without expecting to gain.

 

Ultimately, it’s about valuing the experience of life with a full awareness that, whether there is a life after death, you will die no matter what.

Even if this reads negative and a bleak view of life, it need not be. In fact, it should encourage us to appreciate what we have, and, yes, strive to improve our life and the lives of others and remove unnecessary suffering when ever we can.

For even if we can’t stop the process of life, we can affect our life and our happiness if we approach life with balance, moderation and mutual love and respect. If we only approached the world with compassion beyond judgment. You may judge me as an idealist. Yet, I’d rather live a life that seeks to pursue the path of service because, in spite of the criticism and judgment we may throw out there, we are the ones who can influence ourselves and seek help when we need it. For, this isn’t a sign of personal failure but a recognition of our basic need to sustain our whole being. For it would be arrogant of us to pretend that we can make it in life without needing the world and other human beings.

 

The teachings of dukkha and the middle way reveal to us that while the world and other livings are essential in our human existence, we should never become attached to them to a point that we limit ourselves to what we consider safe. We all know we are going to die. All this will end.

 

It may be more important if we concentrate on making the best of life and expressing compassion and happiness as we celebrate diversity.

Life is not meant to be forever...

A Disability Activist and a Buddhist at Heart

When I started blogging on the Gordon's D-Zone, I intended this blog to deal with  the issue of disability as I developed my understanding of disability from a social model perspective. I retain my commitment to the cause of disabled people worldwide. I do so both as an activist and as a disabled person myself. I don't think that I will retire from this struggle for inclusion and equality until society acknowledges that people with impairment, like myself, are part of society and takes our differences into account.

Having said that, my life has led me to appreciate different things and over time I have explored various areas and developed new interests. However, my involvement in disability activism is motivated by a desire to be included as a person and as an equal to others. I want to see, for example, a philosophy that celebrates human diversity rather than one attached to certain ideals of bodily perfection. Or else, a science which doesn't assume that impairment necessarily causes a drop in one's quality off life or tries to psychologically scrutinise our minds making claims that dealing with  impairment and bereavement are, in any way, similar. I also wish that I was included as a person in religion and spirituality which sometimes have used our impaired bodies as a metaphor for sin or evil.

I have recently been admitted to hospital and, to be honest, I am still facing health issues lately. I thought it wasn't appropriate to write about this on this blog given the tendency for impairment to be associated with suffering. But, I admit, the hospital experiences I had over the last six months have led me to ask a lot of questions and delve deeper into my spiritual side. Indeed, I have been questioning the purpose of life for some months and I confess I found solace in Buddhism. Indeed, I feel that I can relate to the Buddhist outlook on life. I can't really explain it, but I feel connected to Buddhism more than I ever felt before with any world view or philosophy. I am now confident enough to be more open about it and, finally, I thought that I needed to express it on this blog - which was where my blogging all started.

It may not be   the best time to express my Buddhist confession - given it's Easter and I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. However, my embracing of a Buddhist mindset isn't a declaration where I reject all I have learned as a Roman Catholic. Indeed, I have come to appreciate the richness of both Christianity and Buddhism. This "awakening" so to speak is a personal one. I don't want anyone to follow any path that they feel goes against their religious (or other) convictions. Indeed, I will surely discover more aspects to who I am as the years pass., Life is a process and not a closed book.

Tomorrow, Christians around the world celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. In some respects, this is also an awakening. It's a renewal. Yet, the miracle of this event is, I think, that it offers hope to all of us as it illustrates that even death hasn't got the final say. Some of you might doubt whether there is an after-life or claim to be non-believers. Yes, no one has concrete proof that there's life after death or if there's anything beyond this life. The Buddha teaches us to be aware of the present moment because, in reality, our pasts are but a memory and the future is yet to be. At least, that's my interpretation. In the Buddha's outlook on life, the only thing that we can change is the present and the only person we can truly manage is ourselves. Our suffering is caused by our clinging to things that are really temporary. Well, there's my Buddhist thoughts flowing.

If you're interested to read about my journey into Buddhism, please refer to my "Buddhist" blog at ZoneMind. I assure you that I'll continue writing here from the perspective of  a disability activist.

However, at this stage, I wanted to be open about my realisation because a Buddhist understanding is now part of who I am.

More Information

Above, , I've included an entry that I published on one of the other blogs I contribute to. While in this blog, Gordon's D-Zone, I deal with issues that relate to my experience as a disabled person, I decided to rite this post in order to reveal a part of who I am that I'm discovering through my engagement with Buddhism and which many people would be unaware of. Indeed, in this entry, I tried to express how I am feel today and to raise awareness of the fact that, ultimately, my realisation is that, that of the day, I want to be treated as a human being as much as anyone else and that this also involves going beyond simply acceptingg our differences but going as far as celebrating them as part of our human diversity. Well, hope you enjoy!!!

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Confessions of a Buddhist at Heart

SADNESS IN HAPPINESS

 

I hesitate to express my thoughts and feelings. I’m afraid of being misunderstood, or even ridiculed. I have progressed a lot in my journey of self-discovery. I have tried to capture this experience in the pages of this blog. I have tried to find a greater meaning to my life and, perhaps, reaching beyond the limitations posed by a restricted view of the world. I sought happiness and satisfaction. I did all of those things.

 

This journey has led me to a spiritual investigation encompassing rich traditions ranging from Christianity to Buddhism. I believe that this process has helped me grow and mature as a human being. I can truly say that I am happy. I really am. Yet, you might find it strange if I told you that this happiness is sometimes permeated by a sense of sadness. A sadness that I can’t really put into words without distorting it. A sadness that I feel when I witness the human stories of unnecessary suffering often brought about by  our failure to relate to others as equals.

 

For, in truth, happiness is a state of being while sadness is an emotion. While we tell others not to be sad, feeling sad is an intrinsic part of life and, indeed, it makes us able to express our compassion to others. You may be happy but feel sad. As I type away, I am happy but sad because I know that people around the world are still facing pain and suffering while any  pain and discomfort I experience pales in comparison.

 

AN AWAKENING?

 

I admit that today I came to embrace the teachings of the Buddha and to better understand what Jesus was teaching in the first century of the Common Era. Yet, in spite of these teachings of love and compassion, under the pretence of belief, we choose to separate ourselves in terms of proclamations. There are many ways which we may choose to define our belief. I may claim I’m a Jew, that I’m a Christian, that I’m a Muslim, that I’m a Hindu, that I’m a Sikh and so on. I may also claim that I’m a non-believer or even an atheist.

 

Yet, there is no such a thing as a non-believer. Everyone believes in something or someone. It’s part of being human. The danger is one we cling to those beliefs and close our minds and hearts to what we judge as being different or absurd. When you relate to another person, are’t believing that the other person is, in some form or another, there - beyond yourself?

 

Today, I declare I’m a Buddhist at heart. I don’t claim that I adopted all aspects of Buddhism. I have questioned and still have doubts about some aspects. Yet, I have found meaning in what I learned. Ironically, perhaps, I am also discovering parallels with the teachings of Jesus and that of the Buddha. I’m not implying that these traditions are the same. What I’m saying is that they share a basic teaching of love and compassion. A message of forgiveness and reconciliation. And, I feel, this is the most important thing - if not the only important thing.

 

By saying that I’m a Buddhist at heart, doesn’t mean that I now detest all I learned from my upbringing as a Roman Catholic. On the contrary, it is an opportunity to more fully appreciate the different teachings and the wisdom contained within those teachings. For, I believe, these people didn’t die to have millions of people kneel and pray to them. They certainly didn’t want people to oppress or kill others in their name. What they really wanted was for us to change our minds and hearts and not close ourselves to a self, which scrutinised, reveals to be empty.

 

In this sense, our emptiness isn’t implying that we don’t exist. Rather it’s saying that we cannot exist to ourselves. All we have and all we are is not our own. It’s a gift we are given by those around us and by the world which sustains our body and mind. In other words, we are co-dependent. At the same time, we must face the reality that, irrespective of any belief we might subscribe to, we are all impermanent.

 

DISCOVERING A UNIVERSAL HUMANITY

 

I have said this before but it’s important to emphasise that as long as we are human beings,  we all go through the same stages of life. We get sick because we are made up of living matter. We get old because our  bodies are constantly renewing themselves. It may sound strange but our bodies today are not the same ones we had 5 years ago and we have also changed the way we look at things. Ultimately, we will one day die. That’s something we all share. We may rarely get sick, or die young, but all of us die.

 

And yet, we seem to live as if this world was our permanent home. We live a life hanging on to our possessions. We put our self above everyone else, believing that we are independent and don’t need anyone else. I admit I am also guilty of holding on to such delusions. However, now I commit myself each day to be more mindful of these thoughts. I don’t want to continue suffering under the influence of afflictive desires, to lose all reason as I am burned by hate. Most importantly, I seek to free myself from the chains of ignorance. An ignorance rooted in an  attachment to all the world has to offer.

 

I’m no better than others. This might sound harsh but we often cling to an idea that we are the most important thing in life. Don’t get me wrong, I am important but I must never forget that who I am today and what I have achieved was only possible thanks to the many people who had a part to play in my life and those who influenced me through their teaching and ideas. There may be many people to thank. Many I don’t even know or met personally. Or whom I’ll ever meet. We often forget that our experience today depends on a chain of people which make our life possible.

 

LIFE IN A CUP OF TEA

 

As I await my cup of tea, I remember my dad who is brewing the tea. I thank him for taking the time to prepare it for me. But, I must also thank the ones who packed the tea for my consumption. The people who have sold the tea to my family. The merchant who got the tea to Malta (my country). The people who have collected the tea leaves in convenient sachets.  Last, but most crucial, the people who spent the time picking the tea leaves and those who processed them to produce the basic component of my cup of tea. So many people and so many connections. There, are of course, many other factors that made this moment of drinking my tea possible but I would bore you to death. And I have learned that every instance of our experience is unique and precious.

 

This is at the reason I have decided to open my heart and express what has been silenced for a long time. I have found meaning in my life. I have found an authentic freedom and happiness beyond my expectations. I am at peace. Yet, as long as I’m human, I will still get sad, still get angry and still feel resentment. However, as I meditate during this quiet afternoon, I realise that as I develop my mindfulness, I feel free from the suffering caused by a failure to recognise the essential impermanent nature of my human experience. Freedom from the suffering caused by a belief that I don’t need anyone in this life.

 

EMBRACING THE HUMAN HEART

 

Truly, when I state that i’m opening my heart to you as a person and describing my embrace of the Buddhist way, I’m simply sharing with you, a stranger, an experience of discovery. While everyone finds happiness in their own ways, I only wanted to share with you a realisation and an affirmation that I have found refuge in the Buddhist way..  I am not even saying that I abandoned all I learned from Christianity. Truth is truth.

 

Today, I’m actually sharing my humanity. And that transcends all our divisions we might built to separate us from each other. Perhaps we fear to admit that, in essence, our differences are secondary to the most important reality in our life.

 

The reality of being human!

A Return Home - Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Today, I may say that I’ve returned home - even if I’ll soon be moving on - it’s still currently my home. But, in truth, this is only my temporary home. It may not be even be my real home. For when I leave this life, I have to give up all I have come to know as a human being.

Then, after my body dies, will I return to my authentic home?

Will I find my refuge?

Perhaps I have already found it...

One thing appears clear. My outlook on life has changed again. I'm sure it will change again in the future. I have grown to appreciate more what I learned from this ongoing journey of self-discovery and comprehend better what the Buddha and other great spiritual figures such as Jesus were saying.

That living a good life or finding happiness meant that we have to die for ourselves. That, no matter what society says or thinks, we can only gain if we lose our attachment to the self and objects that don't last but open our heart and mind to the other and to a world far greater than we are.

To lose ourselves to a universe so immense and mysterious that removes from us any pretensions that we are, in any way, the greatest gift to humanity.

This doesn't mean that we despair and indulge in self-loathing or give up on life. On the contrary, it's an invitation to be happy and discover a peace that is beyond our imagination and expectation.

We'll return to our real home.

A home where we are free.

A home that no one or nothing can destroy.

A place of refuge.

A Return Home? - Part 1

Yesterday, I was discharged from hospital - thus ending my stay in hospital. When I got out for the first time, I felt that the world around me looked different. The sun would soon be setting in a few hours but I could just make out the buildings and streets we had to pass through as I made my way back home.

I was struck by the fact that even if I have travelled this way before so many times, I wasn’t really noticing what was around me before. It was like awakening from a bad dream. Life became so vibrant... So real! I was a witness to what I was sensing without judging or conceptualising what I was perceiving.

I felt rested and appreciated being in silence. Admittedly, the last week at hospital where I had to share a room were particularly hard on me and I didn’t get a lot of sleep at night. I was surprised by how much commotion and noise there could be at times and then, silence. Indeed, hospital is a place of extremes.

I witnessed the best and the worse of human nature. Nursing staff who treated patients with dignity and respect. Others who could be cruel and insensitive to the pain of the other. There were words of kindness and words uttered aimed only to shame and humiliate. Words aimed to dominate and belittle another.

Believe me, I tried to rationalise the ugly things that happened but I couldn’t really excuse such acts of inhumanity.

Of course, these actions were few and far between but that doesn’t reduce their ugliness. I know that there is a lot of stress and frustration involved with working in an environment where you’re constantly seeing disease, death and social problems. Yet, there are those who rise up to the challenge and manage to comfort and genuinely help those In need. Perhaps, it is in people like this that I retain my hope in the basic goodness of human beings.

For, after all, I am also a human being seeking that happiness and freedom from suffering we all are seeking. Unfortunately, we do sometimes end up hurting or harming others because we forget that we are part of the same human family. We forget that we are also the sons and daughters of the Earth and depend on it for our survival. We forget that we are also the offspring of the universe which has given us our mind and bodies.

Continues...

A Witness to the Dark

I’ve been going through a rough time lately as I have to face some health issues again. I’m experiencing this ringing in the ears again. And, now, I’m also having occasional blackouts. There were times when I really feel scared and helpless. I don’t claim that my experience is unique or that my pain is excruciating. But, whenever I am disoriented either by my tinnitus or my temporary blindness, I feel as if I’m alone and helpless. There is, I admit, a degree of physical pain in my experience. But, that’s not the primary cause of my suffering.

Indeed, even if I write this wondering if I’ll have an attack as I try to describe my feelings, I also know that no matter how well I describe my experience, it will remain just words. Yes, words that express a thought, a feeling and a state of mind. But, nevertheless, these words I type are simply a trace… an image… an imitation of an experience. Our memories are so short and fragile. I will probably forget myself what the actual experiences I’m going through were like. I don’t know if all this will ever end in my life. I do feel abandoned when I am vulnerable, when it’s like being in a state of living and non-living.

No light without dark

But, as I read the haiku “In the Dark” I wrote last time, I realise how true it was. In spite of the darkness I feel around me at those times, I know that there’s no darkness without light. Would you know what darkness was if you never experienced it? What you understand what light is if you never experienced darkness.

There’s no hope without despair

The same can be said of the moments of despair that are haunting me. I know that these moments will, one day, end. Even if life may be leading you nowhere, and you are plagued by a sense of hopelessness, there is still some hope. There’s no hope without despair. I know that these hard times I struggle with are the source of much doubt and resignation. But, as I am reminded of the buddhist idea of impermanence, I am reassured by the fact that there will be one day when this will end. As light cannot exist without darkness, so there can be no hope if there is no despair. If our life was devoid of any suffering, then there would be no reason to hope in a better tomorrow. It wouldn’t really a human existence at all.

No life without death

Finally, I do wonder whether I will survive to see a tomorrow. I have wondered about death since I was young. I may sound strange but I was always aware of my own mortality but I knew it had to happen one day. As death had taken one of my brothers away, it could take me at any point. Yes, I was scared but if this was a state similar to sleep, I wouldn’t mind that much. For who are we really in a dreamless night? And while our death may be a sad and tragic event for those who love us and, as we live, we probably dread the prospect of dying, it’s inevitable. But, like light and darkness, hope and despair, there can be no life without death.

Concluding Reflection

This is the cycle of existence. The nature of life. Things can only exist in relation to other things. There is nothing intrinsically bad about darkness, despair and death. They’re part of our experience. We suffer because we cling to the what makes us comfortable and what makes us feel safe. However, my experiences of life has taught me that I don’t have to worry too much about tomorrow. It’s good to plan ahead and live for a purpose. Yet, ultimately, we have to accept that we should appreciate moments of darkness as much as those of light, times we feel desperate as much as we hope for a better future and appreciate our life as we are aware of the impermanence of life and the inevitability of death.

An End?

With this I end this reflection. Still, as I end this post. But is it really an end? Isn’t darkness an opportunity to search for the light? Isn’t darkness an opportunity to rest and sleep? Isn’t despair a chance to discover yourself? Isn’ despair an invitation to hope? 

And isn’t the awareness of  of death, a reason to celebrate this life? To appreciate life with all that it brings? Isn’t an awareness of death a call to appreciate the today, to rejoice in the now? And, isn’t death not just a loss but also a hope for the renewal of life. Isn’t death giving a new life to start?

An end is also a beginning. Every beginning will one day end.

Life  is not good or bad. 

Life is simply what it is.

This is your Obituary

What if you had a chance to take a peak at your own obituary when you’re still alive? And what if, on reading it, you end up feeling disappointed that you really didn’t achieve that much and that people will remember you for little when you had so many great ambitions and plans for the future. And what what would be more important, how people had remembered you or whether you had achieved most of your aspirations in life?

In truth, these two questions are inseparable from one another. The way we view ourselves and the goals we aim for, for better or worse, are influenced by those around us and the society we live in. Of course, people will behave differently when to this influence. Some will simply conform and go with the flow while others will rebel and challenge the mainstream. Others still will retreat to the safety of their own private worlds. But, the ultimate question is what would you do? Would it be more important for people to praise you, celebrate your life and to honour your memory? What if you felt unhappy and unfulfilled until that moment of death? And that all the success and glory attributed to your memory were only a façade - an image you kept up?

There’s no doubt that death is a topic that most people would do anything to avoid. Even if it’s not healthy to be constantly thinking of death, I feel it’s important for me to dedicate some time every day to meditate about your day. Although I don’t always stick to this practice, I feel that putting aside some time to cultivate your awareness of your own mortality helps me appreciate what I have and place my problems into perspective. Because, many times, we tend to think this life will never end and waste our energy in a struggle to get what we want thinking that once we gain this or that, we will be satisfied and fulfilled. I know for I’ve been there many times before. You think that once you get what you wand - be it many object you crave for or a social position,etc. - you will finally be content and peaceful. But that only lasts until you start craving for another thing.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have ambitions or a purpose to live for. However, it’s important that we are aware of what is really of value and to take the time to learn about life and discover what is really of value. For all the belongings, fame,money and all the things the world exalts, these are objects that only provide temporal pleasure and will not last forever. If we aren’t happy with our life, if we’re always absorbed in selfish desires, in fighting to outdo the other and only interested in what people think of us, we’re bound to live a life of suffering. For real suffering isn’t a matter of being in pain or disease. Our suffering arises out of our persistence in pursuing that which doesn’t last, it arises out of our attachment to who we think we are or to who we think it should be… It emerges out of our failure to grasp that in this life, we need others - that in our life we’re not separate from or superior to others.

Buddhist teachings place a great emphasis on the practice of compassion. I am trying to live my if de in accordance with this principle. However, you can find an emphasis on compassion in all the major religions and even in secular ethics. Unfortunately, while many would agree that the value of compassion is important, it’s sad that we’re still afraid or reluctant to live it. Perhaps we fear that in being more loving or compassionate, we expose our vulnerability and weakness to others. Perhaps then we will have to admit that we’re not so special but that we’re all unique and special in our own ways.

Then, at the end of the day, it wouldn’t matter that much what your obituary looked like. Not if you have lived your life according to what you believed in without causing harm to others. Not if you did your best to relieve the suffering of those around you. Not if you really invested your time in growing in compassion to yourself and to others. Not if you tried to live your life being true to your authentic being.

Lonely but not Alone - Part 2

Continued from Part 1

Now, we reach the final point of life when this loneliness manifests itself most strongly. a stage of life that every living being must undergo. Death. A five letter word which, in many ways, forms the basis of human history and has defined our species. Ironically, death has also ensured that our species survived all these millennia since it ensures renewal and fresh life. However, even putting it in that perspective doesn’t make it more desirable. Death frightens us for many reasons. One of the reasons that we fear death is that we don’t know what awaits us on the other side.

However, one thing that scares us is the fact that no one can die in our place. We know that once we die, for all we know, there will be nobody. Even more frightening is the realisation that we may lose our sense of self and be nothing - as if we never existed. I’m reminded of the Buddhist teaching that “form is emptiness, emptiness is form”. whatever we may believe, there is nothing in the world that can exist without others. Our craving for an “I” only makes us forget that even if we may be lonely and misunderstood, we may take the opportunity to find ourselves reflected in others and thus grow in compassion.

For, at the same time we feel lonely, many millions are also lonely. while you’re feeling unwell, many millions are unwell or even dying. when your time comes to die, keep in mind that millions of people are also dying and scared of what is beyond. There are also millions who are hoping for a better future and, in their own ways, are doing their part to reduce the suffering. We share this life in all its beauty and its horrors. But, at the end of the day or our lifetime, all the artificial boundaries that set us apart in this life, will become meaningless vanity..


THE END

Lonely but not Alone - Part 1

There are times in our life when we realise the extent of our loneliness. once we leave the safety of our mother’s womb, we find ourselves in a world which appears hostile and foreign to us. we may be surrounded by all the loving and caring people in the world but lacking the ability to make ourselves understood, we can only cry and express ourselves through our bodies. as we grow older, we manage to figure out how to get across and better communicate our needs and, eventually, develop an identity and personality. But this is only possible through our relation with others.

 

Indeed, who we are today is actually a result of many factors., starting with our early experiences with our mothers or caregivers, proceeding to our interactions with other children, then with figures of authority (teachers, religious figures, policemen, etc). The way those around us behave or the way they treated and defined us all has a lasting influence on who we are today. In this sense, the idea of a self-made person is a myth since it assumes we are unaffected by our bodies, society, culture religion or traditions., 

 

There is so much that goes on in our mind that we don’t notice. It’s when we find ourselves in a crisis that we start asking the questions. and at these times that we find ourselves almost in the same situation of our past unborn bing with an important difference. Now we’re not safe and sheltered from the outside world any longer. But we may again feel as if the world can’t relate to us which forces us to retreat to our own inner world. Yes, we may not be alone but very lonely. You’re aware that insomuch as people may be compassionate or sensitive, they won’t fully understand what is going on in your mind and heart.

For some people, disease and illness can be a moment when you realise how easy it is to lose your strength and wish that you were well again. In those moments of weakness or pain, there is a realisation that you’re alone in your experience - and yet, you know that many others have gone through a similar ordeal. But then, it’s you who are immersed in it. It may be part of our life journey as human beings but because it’s ours, it becomes the more significant and intimate.

But while accepting that all this is part of the life process doesn’t remove the pain, it opens up your heart to the pain of others. This pain need not be the cause of suffering. This doesn’t mean one gives up on life and on getting better but accept the impermanence of things and, yes, rethink your life’s priorities and learn to detach yourself from the past and try to build a better future.

 

CONTINUES...

Living in Denial

The moments that I stop from my daily routine and sit in silence as I meditate have been unique. They are times of the day when I simply retreat to an inner place. Usually I try to set aside some time before sleeping to practice. I can't really explain what goes in my mind as I attempt to find peace and tranquility of mind. It's not rare that I find my thoughts shifting to other matters that relate to my life, such as things I have to do, things I need to check or emails I need to send. At other times, I find I discover within a profound sense of peace or, at times, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction with the way things are.

Perhaps a common misconception people have of meditation is that it is an escape from reality and an attempt to annihilate the self. Yet, what meditation does, or at least ought to do, is to make you more aware of who you are and to be mindful of ultimate reality. It encourages you to deal with a reality that is often taken for granted or even denied. Other than an escape from reality, it brings you closer to a deeper appreciation of the world, nature and life itself. It places the self in a context that is universal, connected to the world and others and affirms our common human experiences of disease, old age and death. It doesn't deny the self but emphasises that the self doesn't exist out of its own will but exists because there are conditions ranging from the most basic such as food and water to the more complex such as society and culture.

Unfortunately, we are becoming detached from the full human experience. Technology is becoming a source to escape from dealing with the real world. Yet, technology is not the problem but, I think, it's rather our desire to escape a reality that can be sometimes unpleasant or even painful. It is a natural fear of the unknown that resides beyond the reality of death and human suffering. We hide the sick and dying in institutions and, worse still, we avoid to be in the presence of those who are experiencing unavoidable suffering. It's as if the reality of our own fragility and mortality exposes us to the fact that, despite our social, political, religious or cultural differences, we cannot escape death.

Until we come to a point where we are aware and accepting of this reality, life will appear meaningless struggle which we strive to escape from. On the other hand, embracing our essential commonality as living beings enriches our lives and brings happiness to our daily life. First, of course, we must stop living in denial.

Mind Quakes

My life hasn’t been going that well lately. I admit that all of a sudden life became rather insignificant and too much. I have developed a painful ringing of the ears since I fell. I’m not sure if this episode of a phenomenon called “tinnitus”“ was in any way related to my fall. But, nonetheless, the moments when I feel sick and everything seems to be moving around me. As if I was falling and losing balance is a nightmare. Add to that, a cruel ringing in the ears where you can sometimes hear your heart beating or your teeth rubbing against each other. Believe me, I am still afraid of the moment an attack might strike. Unfortunately, I have been staying at home for some weeks now, first because of my injury and now because of this.

It’s only recently that I am starting to dedicate my time to other things apart from resting. I did start short time in silence, wondering what has happened. It’s always more than the fall or the tinnitus. I don’t know the answers but there is a sense of inadequacy and of not fitting in attached to all this. There is no denying that physical factors are present but they exist only in relation to a much complex reality that we often are unaware of or simply avoid dealing with. This experience has enforced my understanding of impermanence and how I can’t afford to put my faith in what I know will not last forever. I believe that plans are, of course, important and essential to live in our world. However, as a Yiddish proverb goes, “Man makes plans and God laughs!”, We can only goes so far as planning for the future but, ultimately, we must be prepared.

I have been reminded once again that nothing lasts forever. My fears and darkness that lingers on in my life right now will cease as it has come. Luckily, I won’t fall again in the process. But, seriously, inasmuch as these are words to encourage myself to go on and hope, they are a clear message that is intended for all those who are currently facing a difficult situation. Those for whom life appears to be a meaningless routine that is more of a dread as each day passes. Yes, I know what it means to feel like living for nothing, of going on without a sense of purpose and direction. Indeed, I am still there in a way. But I am choosing to move on. To believe that you can take charge of your self may be deemed delusional or impossible. Yes, it looks that way but the only delusion is believing that you can live without others, that you can overcome the process of life without pain and suffering.

Inasmuch as I cannot escape the fact of biology, I can and will do my best to address the pains caused by thought processes that are destructive and harmful. Instead, while it appears of little significance, I must remember that even if sometimes it appears that I’m living for nothing, the fact that I am still breathing is in itself a miracle of sorts. It is up to me to make the best of it. Even when the mind quakes.

OnBeing Stuck

Life can be so unpredictable. Only three weeks ago, I felt that life was finally taking a good turn for the best. I was happy and looked forward to life ahead. But, then, I had a bad fall. I found myself on the floor, crying in pain, as I became aware that I had somehow fallen a step on my side with my wheelchair standing not more than a metre away. I couldn’t understand how it happen. But it surely did. And I’m experiencing the effects of this moment of distraction as I write about it now. In many ways, it all seems to be an unjust betrayal - as if there could be some ill will behind this situation.

I know that one day, all this will be over. In fact, I could almost laugh about it all. But now, it seems to be an event that cannot disappear because its memory still manifests itself through my pain and discomfort. I can, however, take comfort in the fact that, despite the darkness that appears to fill my days, , there will be a tomorrow. I should know by now that nothing lasts for ever. While we cherish those times of joy and happiness of our life, they can cease to be. Suddenly without warning.

I type this with difficulty and not without some effort. But, then again, it’s this time when everything appears to be so hard and change so elusive that you appreciate the simplest of things. Like the chorus of birds in the early morning. The sweet smell of a fresh cup of tea. The message of a friend wishing you were well again. The music that you have listened to before but really never really understood. The miracle of life which prompts you to ask of why you are here and how come, in spite of all odds, you’re still here.

Perhaps it appears to be something we take for granted - this life. But when you consider that even a single act of breathing is possible only because of so many factors working in harmony. Factors, we may be unaware of, but which are intrinsically dependent on one another. The muscles in our chest… The air that gives us life… And so on and so forth! I dare say, this chain of factors could be tracked back to the origin of the universe itself. And then, you wonder, whether you really have the right to complain about the things that may be going wrong. You put the feeling of frustration and depression into perspective.

I hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I can’t avoid being aware of my pain and suffering that appears to be inescapable. I can’t pretend not to wish it was different. But, at the same time, I realise that I cannot live in the future. I cannot even change the past. I only have the present now. It’s now that I can really make a difference to my life. It’s only now that I can shape the future. For, at the end of the day, the future is unknown and, indeed, may never happen. The only certainty can be found in the present moment.

Death in Denial

We're exposed to sights and sounds of death and dying people on a daily basis - day and night. Our media doesn't miss the daily ritual of reporting on a homicide, war, natural disasters, famine, and other news where other human beings are experiencing suffering eat the hands of others motivated by a myriad of intentions, ranging from revenge to sheer hate. On occasion, our news networks may throw in a suicide bombing for good measure.

But, I wonder, is this make us more empathic to the plight of our fellow human brothers and sisters? Do we, as we  witness from afar the daily tragedy of human lives  wasted away, grow in compassion and  bother to take the time to reflect on the essential vulnerability inherent in the human condition? Do we feel in any way connected with these people who are suffering injustice or misfortune? Or do we rather hold to an idea that we're not like them - that they are the "other"… that they are less fortunate… that, indeed, we're not like them… we're better… more civilized? These are some of the questions I'm becoming  more aware of the fact that, we can't go on living as if what is not happening in our country doesn't concern us.

Even if we're informed about the realities of human tragedy every day, I suspect that as we follow  these events unfold, we do our best to escape the reality of suffering and death. Instead, we take every means possible to hide away from being reminded of the realities that underpin our human existence. We take refuge in temporary joys and pleasure, we indulge in food and entertainment and we lose our time in seeking more wealth, success and money. We seek a happiness that , try as we may, we cannot at fain.

We fear acknowledging that we are dependent on others. We keep away from hospitals and such institutions where those who are excluded kept. We fear to recognize that we will change and so, we prefer to deny or even resist the aging process. We house large numbers of our elderly relatives into old people homes. We fear death and often forget those who are dying in our hospitals. Out of sight, out of mind.

The reality is that yes, we depend on each other. That is no reason to feel inferior but rather feel part of something bigger than ourselves. Yes, we will grow old and change but then, it's also true that sadness will be followed by joy, darkness by light. Indeed, once again you can't really  appreciate joy without having experienced sadness. 

Finally, we all will die - whatever we do. But,\ that means that we shouldn't take for granted the day we've been given. An opportunity to experience the wonder of life itself. The chance to meet new people, enjoy our friends and loved ones. We've got a unique privilege to cherish the miracle of nature and the universe. 

Indeed, every day is borrowed time where we can reach out to others and offer our love and compassion. I now believe that  is the only path to achieve authentic peace and happiness.

Discovering Happiness in Suffering

It may sound paradoxical to speak of happiness and suffering as if they're related to each other - if not a cause and effect. However, as I meditated on the nature of suffering, I realised that one cannot exist without the other.

Indeed, I've got a long term relationship with pain and suffering. But the fact that I'm a disabled person causes people to wrongly assume that my existence is dominated by suffering. This isn't the case at all. Yes, I do suffer at times on a physical level and I try to alleviate this pain. However, there's nothing extraordinary with my experience of pain and suffering and it comes and goes.

Suffering is inevitable. It's part of the human condition. Of course, I'm not saying that we shouldn't avoid or diminish suffering if it's possible. But we can't eliminate it completely. Suffering is in no way a good thing but it teaches us to be humble. Indeed, it teaches us to be compassionate. It teaches us to be human.

Imagine if you could perform everything you put your mind to with no effort at all. Would you be happier? It may sound ideal. But then, there would be no challenge or goal to achieve. If everything was perfect, how can you know what imperfection is - how can you appreciate happiness if you never experienced suffering, loss or pain?

Yet, while it's good that we try to reduce avoidable suffering, a degree of suffering remains part of our human experience. Eliminating suffering would imply that neither art, science and religion as well as all aspects of our humanity are worthless since they are founded on suffering and a struggle to adapt ourselves to it.

Here I'm particularly concerned by what has Been termed the 'culture of death' characterised by a movement to legislate for a 'right' to die. However, this culture is really based on a denial of a basic human reality that in this life, we must suffer. It's a negation of the fact that we can reduce the suffering of others if only we didn't put things before persons.

This modern trend to sanction and legalise laws such as assisted suicide, and euthanasia have been hailed as liberating and giving people a choice on how to die and when. However, what is happening is that we're giving up our right to life.

There were a few times when I thought I wanted to die. That my life was going nowhere. But like suffering, change is also part of life. And the situation did change. But, if we-expect that we can live in a world with no suffering, then we wouldn't have learned anything for failing would make us suffer, we wouldn't attempt to talk for fear of sounding stupid, we wouldn't invest our time and energy to live a better life and we wouldn't bother to make sacrifices for the benefit of our loved ones.

In a nutshell, not only suffering instrumental in finding happiness but essential to appreciate happiness itself.