The Emptiness of Reality

Have you ever felt like you are going nowhere? A feeling that somewhat or somehow, you have to get to terms with a new reality. A reality that, you realise, is at odds with what you believed to be true. Yet, this feeling of emptiness has been growing over the course of the last few months. 

Admittedly, you may conclude that this emptiness is a negative thing. There is always the temptation to escape from such an emptiness or to avoid dealing with it altogether. But that would only be postponing the inevitable and setting oneself to a great fall. At least, this is what I think would happen if I ignored it. I’m not implying that the experience of finally awakening to reality isn’t unpleasant and, it can even be painful. A pain that emerges from the knowledge that you’re alone and nobody else will understand.

The truth of the matter is that even if anyone bothered to listen, they will never fully understand the extent of another human person’s experience. Our lives, yes, may be similar in many ways, but the way we interpret reality remains largely subjective and relative to our particular human contexts. This is not denying that there is no truth or that all actions are good and ethical. Far from it,What I am saying is that there is too much inconsistency between what we believe and what we practice. 

In this sense, we are living our own illusions. We belief we hold the only truth and while proclaiming our respect of other views, we persist in mocking any view that challenges our reality. Any view or person, for that matter, who goes against our convictions. We immerse ourselves into a pride that is ignorant of its own existence . A pride that projects itself as loving kindness but is, if you examine it, nothing but vain self-indulgence.

I am guilty of the same faults that I accuse others of having. I am not completely free from jealousy, envy or selfish desire. However, as I grow more aware of these afflictions, the more I recognise that emptiness which is this reality I live. For, no matter what I will gain from possessing the world, I will end. Again, this ‘end’ that I speak of doesn’t imply that life has no value or no meaning. 

Indeed, being aware of our emptiness compels us to rejoice in every moment of life. Yes, even when life is filled with pain or disappointment. Even when we feel misunderstood or isolated, there is an emptiness that reminds us to keep into perspective our reality. An emptiness that keeps our sense of self within its limits. For, whether we are have or have nots, whether we are rich or poor, and whether we are believers or non-believers, the fact is that we will one day die. 

I still find myself clinging to an identity. A need to be valued as an individual that is separate than the rest. This is not bad in itself. Yet, there is the danger that our desire to be valued and appreciated comes at the expense of the happiness of others. It’s then that what is indeed empty starts appearing to be real. That is at the root of the illusion of a reality based on the belief we are immortal.

A Disability Activist and a Buddhist at Heart

When I started blogging on the Gordon's D-Zone, I intended this blog to deal with  the issue of disability as I developed my understanding of disability from a social model perspective. I retain my commitment to the cause of disabled people worldwide. I do so both as an activist and as a disabled person myself. I don't think that I will retire from this struggle for inclusion and equality until society acknowledges that people with impairment, like myself, are part of society and takes our differences into account.

Having said that, my life has led me to appreciate different things and over time I have explored various areas and developed new interests. However, my involvement in disability activism is motivated by a desire to be included as a person and as an equal to others. I want to see, for example, a philosophy that celebrates human diversity rather than one attached to certain ideals of bodily perfection. Or else, a science which doesn't assume that impairment necessarily causes a drop in one's quality off life or tries to psychologically scrutinise our minds making claims that dealing with  impairment and bereavement are, in any way, similar. I also wish that I was included as a person in religion and spirituality which sometimes have used our impaired bodies as a metaphor for sin or evil.

I have recently been admitted to hospital and, to be honest, I am still facing health issues lately. I thought it wasn't appropriate to write about this on this blog given the tendency for impairment to be associated with suffering. But, I admit, the hospital experiences I had over the last six months have led me to ask a lot of questions and delve deeper into my spiritual side. Indeed, I have been questioning the purpose of life for some months and I confess I found solace in Buddhism. Indeed, I feel that I can relate to the Buddhist outlook on life. I can't really explain it, but I feel connected to Buddhism more than I ever felt before with any world view or philosophy. I am now confident enough to be more open about it and, finally, I thought that I needed to express it on this blog - which was where my blogging all started.

It may not be   the best time to express my Buddhist confession - given it's Easter and I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. However, my embracing of a Buddhist mindset isn't a declaration where I reject all I have learned as a Roman Catholic. Indeed, I have come to appreciate the richness of both Christianity and Buddhism. This "awakening" so to speak is a personal one. I don't want anyone to follow any path that they feel goes against their religious (or other) convictions. Indeed, I will surely discover more aspects to who I am as the years pass., Life is a process and not a closed book.

Tomorrow, Christians around the world celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. In some respects, this is also an awakening. It's a renewal. Yet, the miracle of this event is, I think, that it offers hope to all of us as it illustrates that even death hasn't got the final say. Some of you might doubt whether there is an after-life or claim to be non-believers. Yes, no one has concrete proof that there's life after death or if there's anything beyond this life. The Buddha teaches us to be aware of the present moment because, in reality, our pasts are but a memory and the future is yet to be. At least, that's my interpretation. In the Buddha's outlook on life, the only thing that we can change is the present and the only person we can truly manage is ourselves. Our suffering is caused by our clinging to things that are really temporary. Well, there's my Buddhist thoughts flowing.

If you're interested to read about my journey into Buddhism, please refer to my "Buddhist" blog at ZoneMind. I assure you that I'll continue writing here from the perspective of  a disability activist.

However, at this stage, I wanted to be open about my realisation because a Buddhist understanding is now part of who I am.

More Information

Above, , I've included an entry that I published on one of the other blogs I contribute to. While in this blog, Gordon's D-Zone, I deal with issues that relate to my experience as a disabled person, I decided to rite this post in order to reveal a part of who I am that I'm discovering through my engagement with Buddhism and which many people would be unaware of. Indeed, in this entry, I tried to express how I am feel today and to raise awareness of the fact that, ultimately, my realisation is that, that of the day, I want to be treated as a human being as much as anyone else and that this also involves going beyond simply acceptingg our differences but going as far as celebrating them as part of our human diversity. Well, hope you enjoy!!!

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