In Search of Perfect Peace

First, a haiku...

I sought perfection.

To find nothingness and death

Barren, perfect peace.

Now, a few reflections…

There is a sense of peace as I write this entry on the last day of my Easter break. Indeed, I feel well enough to  return to work tomorrow. I did  a lot of writing and soul-searching in the past weeks and, to be honest, I feel rather worn out. Of ideas, at least.

There was so much to process over the last weeks that I can’t believe that it all happened just like that. The time I spent at hospital is now but a memory. As I slowly return to my usual routine, all that happened before seems so irrelevant and, yes, unreal. The only thing that remains is the insight I have gained from that experience. I feel that I’ve given so much of myself over the last weeks or two. Now, I’m ready to receive and bear witness to life.

But is this real peace?

When we talk of peace, we usually think of a state where there exists no conflict and we have no more to worry about. We dream of achieving an ultimate state of perfection. When all things go as we have planned. When reality matches our dreams and aspirations. But, this isn’t how life works. That perfect peace is but an illusion that causes so much unnecessary suffering. It deprives us of an opportunity to change. It turns living into mediocrity.

I don’t know what motivated me to write on peace and perfection. Perhaps it’s an attempt to understand why there comes a point when I really have nothing to say. A point When we have  to admit that we must be receptive to the world around us. A moment in time when our minds have to let go of their preconceptions and tendency to judge. Yes, I have sought perfection and peace as I saw them -   but achieving both could bring about a kind of death. Not necessarily a physical one but more of a spiritual one.

For the real  peace I seek should be one that celebrates  life and embraces change. For life is, in truth, change. A person who doesn’t grow or renew is but a corpse - devoid of life and lacking the spirit of humanity. I, myself, have struggled with the idea of perfection. I felt that I could never be at peace if my body wasn’t close to the ideal body that society so glorified and commended. I was, indeed, physically impaired and, later, acquired a visual impairment. These didn’t fit well with the bodily ideal of perfection that I was exposed to. We dream of a time when we will end all this material suffering. Yet, I dare ask whether if we really become “perfect”, would this world truly be a better place? If we became “immortal” and retain our youthful energy, would that make us better humans?

Again, I don’t have the answers. What I know is that over the years I always depended on others in some way or another. I have felt moments when I did hate my body for being limiting and restrictive. Yet, today, I have come to realise that society had a role to play in making me feel unwanted, unwelcome or even  a burden. And yet, I’m not totally  dependent on others. On the contrary, I’m sure that others depend on me. But even if I didn’t, would that reduce my value as a person? Is our worth as humans dictated by what we do?

I’m afraid that in the West where the economy has gained considerable influence and power over our lives, we are being valued more for what we do rather than on who we are. The simple fact is that we are commodifying life. We are treating other human beings like us as property. Suddenly, people are defined in terms of economics. Make no mistake, this is modern slavery. And we accept it because we have become too attached to the material fruit of this state of affairs. There’s nothing wrong with that. Indeed, I really enjoy the good things that the modern world has made possible. Indeed, if I think about it, it would be unimaginable for me to reach the world through writing if it weren’t advances in technology, in political and social organisation and, yes, in our economy.

However, the danger is when we become slaves to this material wealth. It is then when we lose sight of the important things in life. It’s than that money takes the place of human life. It’s then when we have regress. It’s when we persist in perceiving ourselves as separate and independent individuals that the tragedy happens. When countries fail to intervene  while there’s still hope that lives can be saved that we fail. We can never be separate. We can never claim to be independent.

I end this rather unstructured post with hope. Hope that the world will one day be at peace. This isn’t saying that I hope that  all disease will be eradicated (not that isn’t commendable). Nor that people will not age or die any more. I can’t hold on to  unrealistic hopes. Painful as they might be, These realities, I learned, are an intrinsic part of the process of life. Without them, change wouldn’t happen and new life would be impossible.

What I hope is that we, me included, recognise our essential humanity - our essential common experiences. For whatever your creed or belief, you must face the same stages  of life as anyone else, including death. This is the  reality. We may choose to waste our lives pursuing a perfection that isn’t there and a peace that doesn’t really satisfy us. When instead, we should appreciate what we have and, yes, improve on it. But not at the cost of losing our compassion and ability to relate to other human beings as persons and not as objects.

When Buddha was teaching the four noble truths, the first truth he taught was that “life is dukkha”. The word “dukkha” is a Pali word which has been  inaccurately translated as “suffering”. However, a more accurate  translation of the word “dukkha” is “dissatisfaction”.  A dissatisfaction that cannot be resolved until we stop hanging on to our attachments - whether they are material or abstract in nature.

Paradoxically, we may find peace in our lives and discover perfection in our lives when we recognise that peace and perfection aren’t in the future. That in reality they can be found in our  ordinary everyday lives. If we are prepared to  receive.  and

Is this the authentic peace we are seeking? Is this a perfection that transcends all things?

You decide...

Discovering Happiness in Suffering

It may sound paradoxical to speak of happiness and suffering as if they're related to each other - if not a cause and effect. However, as I meditated on the nature of suffering, I realised that one cannot exist without the other.

Indeed, I've got a long term relationship with pain and suffering. But the fact that I'm a disabled person causes people to wrongly assume that my existence is dominated by suffering. This isn't the case at all. Yes, I do suffer at times on a physical level and I try to alleviate this pain. However, there's nothing extraordinary with my experience of pain and suffering and it comes and goes.

Suffering is inevitable. It's part of the human condition. Of course, I'm not saying that we shouldn't avoid or diminish suffering if it's possible. But we can't eliminate it completely. Suffering is in no way a good thing but it teaches us to be humble. Indeed, it teaches us to be compassionate. It teaches us to be human.

Imagine if you could perform everything you put your mind to with no effort at all. Would you be happier? It may sound ideal. But then, there would be no challenge or goal to achieve. If everything was perfect, how can you know what imperfection is - how can you appreciate happiness if you never experienced suffering, loss or pain?

Yet, while it's good that we try to reduce avoidable suffering, a degree of suffering remains part of our human experience. Eliminating suffering would imply that neither art, science and religion as well as all aspects of our humanity are worthless since they are founded on suffering and a struggle to adapt ourselves to it.

Here I'm particularly concerned by what has Been termed the 'culture of death' characterised by a movement to legislate for a 'right' to die. However, this culture is really based on a denial of a basic human reality that in this life, we must suffer. It's a negation of the fact that we can reduce the suffering of others if only we didn't put things before persons.

This modern trend to sanction and legalise laws such as assisted suicide, and euthanasia have been hailed as liberating and giving people a choice on how to die and when. However, what is happening is that we're giving up our right to life.

There were a few times when I thought I wanted to die. That my life was going nowhere. But like suffering, change is also part of life. And the situation did change. But, if we-expect that we can live in a world with no suffering, then we wouldn't have learned anything for failing would make us suffer, we wouldn't attempt to talk for fear of sounding stupid, we wouldn't invest our time and energy to live a better life and we wouldn't bother to make sacrifices for the benefit of our loved ones.

In a nutshell, not only suffering instrumental in finding happiness but essential to appreciate happiness itself.