First, a haiku...
I sought perfection.
To find nothingness and death
Barren, perfect peace.
Now, a few reflections…
There is a sense of peace as I write this entry on the last day of my Easter break. Indeed, I feel well enough to return to work tomorrow. I did a lot of writing and soul-searching in the past weeks and, to be honest, I feel rather worn out. Of ideas, at least.
There was so much to process over the last weeks that I can’t believe that it all happened just like that. The time I spent at hospital is now but a memory. As I slowly return to my usual routine, all that happened before seems so irrelevant and, yes, unreal. The only thing that remains is the insight I have gained from that experience. I feel that I’ve given so much of myself over the last weeks or two. Now, I’m ready to receive and bear witness to life.
But is this real peace?
When we talk of peace, we usually think of a state where there exists no conflict and we have no more to worry about. We dream of achieving an ultimate state of perfection. When all things go as we have planned. When reality matches our dreams and aspirations. But, this isn’t how life works. That perfect peace is but an illusion that causes so much unnecessary suffering. It deprives us of an opportunity to change. It turns living into mediocrity.
I don’t know what motivated me to write on peace and perfection. Perhaps it’s an attempt to understand why there comes a point when I really have nothing to say. A point When we have to admit that we must be receptive to the world around us. A moment in time when our minds have to let go of their preconceptions and tendency to judge. Yes, I have sought perfection and peace as I saw them - but achieving both could bring about a kind of death. Not necessarily a physical one but more of a spiritual one.
For the real peace I seek should be one that celebrates life and embraces change. For life is, in truth, change. A person who doesn’t grow or renew is but a corpse - devoid of life and lacking the spirit of humanity. I, myself, have struggled with the idea of perfection. I felt that I could never be at peace if my body wasn’t close to the ideal body that society so glorified and commended. I was, indeed, physically impaired and, later, acquired a visual impairment. These didn’t fit well with the bodily ideal of perfection that I was exposed to. We dream of a time when we will end all this material suffering. Yet, I dare ask whether if we really become “perfect”, would this world truly be a better place? If we became “immortal” and retain our youthful energy, would that make us better humans?
Again, I don’t have the answers. What I know is that over the years I always depended on others in some way or another. I have felt moments when I did hate my body for being limiting and restrictive. Yet, today, I have come to realise that society had a role to play in making me feel unwanted, unwelcome or even a burden. And yet, I’m not totally dependent on others. On the contrary, I’m sure that others depend on me. But even if I didn’t, would that reduce my value as a person? Is our worth as humans dictated by what we do?
I’m afraid that in the West where the economy has gained considerable influence and power over our lives, we are being valued more for what we do rather than on who we are. The simple fact is that we are commodifying life. We are treating other human beings like us as property. Suddenly, people are defined in terms of economics. Make no mistake, this is modern slavery. And we accept it because we have become too attached to the material fruit of this state of affairs. There’s nothing wrong with that. Indeed, I really enjoy the good things that the modern world has made possible. Indeed, if I think about it, it would be unimaginable for me to reach the world through writing if it weren’t advances in technology, in political and social organisation and, yes, in our economy.
However, the danger is when we become slaves to this material wealth. It is then when we lose sight of the important things in life. It’s than that money takes the place of human life. It’s then when we have regress. It’s when we persist in perceiving ourselves as separate and independent individuals that the tragedy happens. When countries fail to intervene while there’s still hope that lives can be saved that we fail. We can never be separate. We can never claim to be independent.
I end this rather unstructured post with hope. Hope that the world will one day be at peace. This isn’t saying that I hope that all disease will be eradicated (not that isn’t commendable). Nor that people will not age or die any more. I can’t hold on to unrealistic hopes. Painful as they might be, These realities, I learned, are an intrinsic part of the process of life. Without them, change wouldn’t happen and new life would be impossible.
What I hope is that we, me included, recognise our essential humanity - our essential common experiences. For whatever your creed or belief, you must face the same stages of life as anyone else, including death. This is the reality. We may choose to waste our lives pursuing a perfection that isn’t there and a peace that doesn’t really satisfy us. When instead, we should appreciate what we have and, yes, improve on it. But not at the cost of losing our compassion and ability to relate to other human beings as persons and not as objects.
When Buddha was teaching the four noble truths, the first truth he taught was that “life is dukkha”. The word “dukkha” is a Pali word which has been inaccurately translated as “suffering”. However, a more accurate translation of the word “dukkha” is “dissatisfaction”. A dissatisfaction that cannot be resolved until we stop hanging on to our attachments - whether they are material or abstract in nature.
Paradoxically, we may find peace in our lives and discover perfection in our lives when we recognise that peace and perfection aren’t in the future. That in reality they can be found in our ordinary everyday lives. If we are prepared to receive. and
Is this the authentic peace we are seeking? Is this a perfection that transcends all things?
You decide...
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