My Personal Commitment to the Call of Compassion: 100 Posts On...

This is the 100th entry I’m posting on the ZoneMind. To be honest when I first started writing entries with my first simply called Beginnings I posted on that Saturday of May 2011, I wasn’t sure what I would be getting into. Moreover, I had no idea on how this blog would develop and whether I’ll continue updating it and not, like on some occasions before in real life, simply left it to undergo an eventual death of its own.

I am, at one level, satisfied that I have managed to keep this blog up for as long as I did. Indeed, I hope to continue updating it as I grow older. Of course, my outlook on life and my engagement with Buddhism and Buddhist practice will remain an essential part of the inspiration for my posts here. I must admit that I found a home in the Buddhist dharma or teachings of the Buddha. A feeling that I cannot fully express but which, I feel, has given me a lot and a state of refuge.

However, in spite of the fact that this journey of self-discovery has enriched my appreciation of life and brought me closer to other human beings, For sure, it  hasn’t made me impassive to the human situation. Indeed, as I write this I am happy but I am still pained when I hear of the natural disasters currently taking place. I am saddened to hear of the horror of war and conflict happening in the world. I am angered when I hear of injustice and corruption that seem to tarnish all trust in human nature.

I feel helpless because I know that there is little I can really do and all I can do is to contribute to the happiness of those around me and try to change all our lives for the better. I cannot say that I have succeeded. aFter all, throughout my life, I have taken up so many identities that may be conflicting. As a child, I took the identity of a member of an elite group for the alternative was undesirable. Later on in life, I felt like a victim as I got into grips with an additional visual impairment. This led me to adopting an identity of disability activist. Throughout my life I have been defined as a “Christ figure” bearing the cross of my impairment or as a “less fortunate” person.

Yet, no matter how I defined myself or any way others tended to define me failed to acknowledge me as a full human being. I always defined myself in terms of restrictive labels. Others defined me on their own terms. I was never free from imposed identities placed by others and those I chose myself. These last ones  appeared more liberating. But was I denying the most important thing of all, the value of being human?

Have I really stopped and asked myself why people thought I was different and not fully human? I now approach the same feelings and thoughts that emerge in my daily life with compassion. I, myself, feel the need to be treated with compassion and not with pity. For compassion treats others as equals, it doesn’t patronise or take up from an assumed higher position.

Some may say that in affirming a commitment to compassion, I am somewhat too soft and unrealistic. But I dare to be different. For here I am simply affirming my humanity. I am no different than other human being, I am no different, biologically, to any other primate and I am not different, materially, than other particle mass. At the same time, I am self-aware and in this sense, I have additional responsibility over the welfare of the world and those around me. These express the three main fundamentals of Buddhist teachings which I have dealt with extensively throughout this blog.

The fact that who we are arises dependently (dependent arising) which expresses the truth that without our relation to the world and others, we would never achieve our full human potential.
The fact that we are co-dependent (or inter-dependent) on the world and others. Apart from taking up the qualities of being human, we sustain who we are thanks to a close relationship between the world and others.
We are impermanent. The third teaching also affirms how we are inseparable from the world and others. It makes us aware of the fact that, like other things, we are not permanent and will one day be no more in our present forms.

Of course, even if they appear simple, these teachings offer much space for thought and further meditation for  future posts.

I’m not denying that I remain respectful of other spiritual traditions which I was brought up with, such as Roman Catholicism, or have become a secularist with its multiple   connotations. What I have discovered was that I feel what the world needs now is the promotion of an environment of compassion and the cultivation of inner peace and self-awareness. In this, I confess I have been greatly inspired by His Holiness the Dalai Lama whom I respect greatly .

Finally, I also wish to thank everyone who, directly and indirectly, helped me go on writing new entries to add to this blog. Thus, I thank my family, friends, even my enemies and all living beings for, unknowingly, helping me to write these first 100 entries!

The Urgent Need for a Universal Secularr Ethics

I have considered the challenges facing the world at the turn of the century and the start of this new millennium. Indeed, the world has gone through various global crises that have affected, on some level, all of us. We have witnessed some of the most dramatic environmental disasters, a persistent global recession, civil wars and terrorist activity. Many, if not all, remain unresolved and still the cause of world suffering. Unfortunately, while some events are beyond our direct control, we know that the ecological consequences of human actions have much to account for the freak weather hitting the world as I write by our failure to act.

In this sense, we are partly to blame for the disasters taking place around the world. Yet, people with hidden agendas or self-interests still deny that things have changed and we need to take urgent actions. It may be time to change how our world on various levels operates. We need to recognise that this world is not the same world we left at the end of the 20th century. In fact, we cannot afford to approach the world’s challenges today using an old approach that our world has now outgrown. We cannot afford to close ourselves to a rigid religious belief or to expect people not to question authority. We cannot assume that we can impose an ethics that is bound to a particular belief or unbelief without risking to alienate individuals who are coming from other backgrounds.

Thus, we should work together to face challenges facing all of us as a human family. Indeed, an urgent situation that doesn’t appear to be taken seriously, or more probably, overridden by personal, political and corporate interests emerging is the environmental impact of human activity on the environment. I notice that many times, such a topic is considered to be very appropriate for children but not as important as ‘adult’ conversations on politics, science, religion and so on and so forth. I have to add the economy on that list.

We may not see the gravity of the environmental crisis because we are only seeing early signs and we can still function so far. We all might be hoping that others in authority will save us. While we complain about the bad state of the planet, we fail to do our part and expect our future generations to do the work while we do the wasting. We are too interested in our income and what we can purchase. Yet, we forget that if it wasn’t for the ecology, the economy and all sectors of life, will collapse. After all, money in itself only has value thanks to a social agreement and is nothing more than printed paper and minted coins. A money bill will not feed you if you are lost in the middle of the desert.

It’s a failing I notice in both a scientific materialism that with no agreed basic ethics risks being reductionistic and a religious fundamentalism that affirms only one ethics bound to a particular belief system. In both approaches, basic human reality is being denied. It is here that I see an urgent need for a new type of ethics that is unbound to neither a reductionist view of humanity or an airy-fairy view of reality that should be driven by beliefs that cannot be changed. For both interpretations are unsustainable in a globalised society where there are many ways to live ethically.

Having said that, the problem of shaping an ethical system based on belief or faith isn’t because such an ethical system would have its good points but rather it presumes that only a particular system is valid and the other views are either weak or downright false and dangerous. This secular ethics, in fact, should respect diversity and accept the right of every human being to belief and express their identity and self-determination. At the same time, such an ethics should protect the freedom of speech and belief of all people.

This secular ethics should be an ethics that respects humanity’s common concerns. Thus, it should be based on a shared interest on the welfare of humanity. It cannot be tied to a set of ethics dictated by personal or group beliefs, but rather is founded on a number of principles that are of central importance of all living beings. As human beings who have more responsibility in safeguarding the future of many living species, our place within it should make it clear that since we have a greater control over the future of Earthly life, we should also have the greatest responsibility.

This isn’t placing humans in a superior position to other living beings because, at the end of it all, we - as human beings - and living beings all depend on one another Therefore, a secular ethics should be based on a respect of all living beings. We can’t survive without the sustenance of stable ecosystems. Indeed, without nature and the environment in which it grows, human society would just be impossible. We arise in relation to others and the outside living and non-living world.

In addition, we need other people to know ourselves in a society. It is also this society that is central in defining who we are. While it’s untenable for us to expect to agree on matters of beliefs, we can agree on some basic universal principles. We all want to be valued as persons and we can learn a lot if we were open to diverse opinions than our own without having to give up our own beliefs. In this sense, my idea of a universal secular ethics isn’t one that actively excludes value systems based on religion or faith. Rather, it’s a secular ethics that recognises and celebrates human potential and promotes a culture of dialogue and cooperation aimed at respecting every human being beyond culture, faith and all other ways that have divided us for so long.

Secular ethics should not deny individuality and the value of various ways of expressing our humanity. Yet, it should be based on ethical principles that ensure that we don’t forget that that we are all similar human beings, dependent on each other and the world and whom, must face our end. We have a responsibility to the whole world and to future generations.

We are at a point when we have talked enough. Even if other matters that affect our life are important, we cannot afford to waste our time and energy any longer on never ending conferences and discussions to solve the ecological crisis. It’s time to take concrete action for, no amount of abstract debate or hope to be saved will materialise if we don’t act today.

Let’s not forget that without a stable ecology, human life would be impossible.

The 'Normality' of Impairment

Since I adopted a Buddhist outlook on life, I've felt that I've found home. Yes, my experience is subjective and very personal. I don't claim that other ways by which people can create meaning in life are of less value. Thus, I don take any radical position that is extremely secular or religious but focus on its consistence to truth. What I seek to build is and attain a state of genuine love and compassion.

At times, I do forget that by now, I should have gone beyond limiting who I am as, say, defining who I was solely on the basis of my impairment and social disability. This doesn't mean that I've abandoned my commitment to promote equality and uireinclusion. However, this requires me to adjust my approach inachieving equality. I recognise today how a dialogue of reconciliation was far better than one based on confrontation.

After all, while contemporary society still tends to describe me as 'abnormal' and even 'special', this same society forgets that people with impairments are the 'real human norm'. For, as long as we live, we will continue to regress both physically and mentally as we age. of course, we may age differently in old age. Yet, by denying the everyday reality of impairment we are also denying the human value of others whose life is consistent with reality.

Through a personal commitment to rediscover true happiness in my life and reclaim my humanity, I may invariably erected barriers with those who appeared to oppress me. The irony, Oc course, what this result was the last thing I wanted.

That's why I feel more connected with those I might have considered enemies. That's why I believe in taking the first step and take it from there.

I was surprised at what an approach based on the values of love and compassion can have on my own happiness and peace!!!

The Mystery of Being Human

Two questions:

Who are you?

Who am I?

Some personal reflections…

Are we our body?

Are we our faces?

Are we our voice?

Are we our thoughts?

Are we our feelings or emotions?

Are we our actions?

Are we our personalities?

Are we our name?

Are we our position?

Are we our language?

Are we our faith or belief?

Are we animals?

Are we spiritual beings?

Are we here for a purpose?

Is there an answer?

I find that these are a few of the many questions that I am growing aware of as I practice contemplative Buddhist meditation. There are so many aspects of who we are that we may be forced to define as distinct concepts as if they had an existence of their own.
Yet, a profound meditation on the nature of being forces me to consider that perhaps who I am is neither one or more of the characteristics we often define ourselves with. Our bodies, minds and voices to an extent determine our outer and physical appearance. Our inner being is expressed through a multitude of ways which include those we were born with and others we acquire through social contact. However, we are not our emotions. We are not our voice. We are not our states of mind. We are neither our name or our religion.

Yet, we often choose to belief the illusion that the reality that we express through communication is, in fact, reality itself.

With all the good intentions, some take extreme views to explain the human condition. On one hand, there are those who view reality only in terms of physical objects. There exist nothing beyond what science can measure. On the other hand, there are those who insist that the physical or material reality - although present - isn’t really what makes us humans. I recall some citing a saying to the effect that, it claims, we are spiritual beings trapped in human bodies.

Inasmuch as these accounts contain part of the truth about being, both views seem to hold a limited view of being. For what is a human being? As long as we are alive on this planet, we remain physical beings. At the same time, we are capable to extend our awareness beyond ourselves. We can think. But, contrary to Descartes, we are not who we are because we think. Rather, being is primary to thinking.

Indeed, who we are arises out of aa complex relation between our internal and external realities which give rise to a sense of being. In this respect, we are all of the things that we choose to be but who we are, ultimately, transcends all else. We are beyond concepts.


Once again, I return to being? What does it mean to be me? Who are we really? I believe that we can only find an answer if we stop asking and start listening. For, in silence and with a sincere desire to know, we may find that what we conceive or perceive are but a mystery.

Yes, we may reduce consciousness to a biological process involving interaction between neurones in the brain. We may even deny that there is any reality beyond matter. But, if who we are is an illusion which, in some ways, it is. Then who is asking the question to begin with?

Who is the ‘I’ that is doing the asking?

Who is asking ‘who am I’?

I am!

Now what?

A Time for Contemplation

A HAIKU...

In contemplation

Finding self in nothingness

A sad happiness.

MANY RANDOM REFLECTIONS...

I am still trying to understand the thoughts and feelings that are going through my mind and which have touched my heart. I have meditated regularly over the course of the months I started this blog. I have grown in many ways but, today, I feel very different than the person I was before. Although I have shaved my hair and am more aware of my appearance, the changes I speak of are not physical. They can’t be studied through the lens of a microscope or even described in terms of letters, words are by using conventional language or one that relies on signs and symbols, sounds or phonemes. Indeed, language may even be a barrier in explaining what I feel inside.

I drafted this entry more than one time. The truth is that I can’t find the right words to express what this experience is all about. The haiku I presented above comes close to expressing the feeling, this realisation and this wisdom. For only in silence, do I seem to find noise. Only in stillness, do I find motion. Only in quietude , do I find distraction. Not that silence and stillness give rise to disorder but the fact that I realise that the chaos I now perceive was always there. It was part of me all along. But who was I? What am I now?

A few questions…

Who am I without the world and all nature that sustains my mind and body, provides me with air, food and water?

Who am I without my family, friends, community, culture, or society?

Who would I be if I had no mother to bring me to the world?

I only know the answer to the last one. If I had no mother to bring me to the world, I wouldn’t be here. And, many times, we don’t realise how precious this life of ours is. We seek money, power, status or whatever lights our negative desires. We hate, envy, hate, kill and judge because we think we are more worthy and perhaps more holy. But then, what will remain of our life if we burn our time and energy in the pursuit of an unattainable happiness?

I feel I must ask these questions. I don’t pretend to have the answers. I, myself, still struggle with these desires that inflate the importance of human possessions. This isn’t saying that I don’t think that all we seek to live a better life is bad or unimportant. What I’m saying that I realise that if these things come before other people or are the reason for harming others, then they become destructive.

For, as I am reminded during my meditation, I cannot claim to own anything in my life. I haven’t created my body or mind. I haven’t created the world I live in or the universe. I just found myself here. And, really, I can’t even say that my self is truly the product only of my will or effort. My very survival depends on other people. Other people depend on me. Our lives are separate, yes, but still connected.

I feel burdened by these thoughts. I sometimes feel like crying. For, it seems that I am returning home. To a place where I was always meant to be. A place I was before I was born. But, I admit, I am confused. I feel a calling. Or should that be “hear a calling”? For, this “voice” which is calling has neither words and language.

It is a “voice” that speaks to me in silence. One that reveals to me my own vulnerability and weaknesses. A “voice” that challenges my preconceptions and previous world view so radically that I cannot speak or think of any counter-argument. A “voice” that questions my core belief that I am a self that is totally separate from other human beings. A “voice” that forces me to see my own reflection in everyone, including those which society has defined as “monsters”.

Am I trying to escape life through contemplation? Am I being sincere and authentic in my pursuit of peace and happiness? Is this another excuse to give up on what I started earlier in my life? A flight of fancy? Only to be destroyed as I grow older?

I'm not sure of the answers. I never felt this way. It's like, suddenly, life makes sense. Life has a deeper meaning than ever before. And, yet, life also appears so absurd and so unreal. For all seems to be bound to cease. All life must die. All matter will dissipate. And, then, who will I be?

Can I remain untouched by this realisation? Can I ever resolve all these contradictions? I feel there is something missing in my life that I'm only discovering now. Perhaps I always knew it but was too enchanted by an illusion that happiness can be found beyond me when it can only find myself.

And, then, I shouldn't even be asking, "Who am I?" but, rather, I should be asking "what is I”? For, apart from the person that I present to the world, there is an essence I cannot name. A part of me beyond time, mass or space. You may call it God. But that is such a charged word.

I feel I can’t find peace in my heart until I am.

I need to change.

I may be sorry and even disappoint some people whom I love and respect for not living the life I also thought I wanted.

That is why that I need to seriously reflect and meditate about the step. For the consequences may be radical and, I admit, I still feel so confused and unsure of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

But, then, what if this sense of being was authentic?

Can I risk living a life that, happy as it may turn out to be, remains disconnected from my authentic being?

Can I persist In ignoring or avoiding this feeling of being that is full of contradictions because I’m afraid that I’ll find nothing at the end of my journey?

I only know that I feel I need to know. Or at least ask the question. For, hard as it may be, living the life that is authentic is the best way to live. Any other existence would be so empty and vain.
I am not sure if this entry makes any sense or if it will make sense when I read it in the future. A future that is unknown to us. A future that is beyond us. And, yes, we act as if the future was a guarantee when it’s only a promise. A promise that includes only one certainty - the certainty of death.

It may sound sad to speak of death again. Yet, it’s death that should remind us of the urgency of living a life to the best of our being. It is death that should make us willing to see ourselves in others. It is this realisation of death which should awaken our hearts to our common humanity. It is only when we fully appreciate the lessons of death that we can ever come to appreciate how valuable and precious our life is. And how insignificant we really are in face of the wider universe. I wonder why I have abandoned my childhood innocence to pursue more temporal and unsatisfying things.

But, early on, I was introduced to an ethics based on pride and perfection. I was taught to be proud of my country, my language, my culture and my “God”. My, my, my! I was taught that I had to succeed and that failure was a sign of weakness. But I was the last person to be an example of perfection but, yes, I was proud!

Now, I witness a far greater reality and, again, I return to the beginning. I haven’t structured this entry because I’m unsure where to start or finish. I feel lost and found. I feel happy and sad. I feel calm and restless. I want to speak but remain speechless. I understand but I don’t know. I am nothing but I am.

I could go on forever and, apologies. Apologies for going on at such length. But, I had to express this confusion for, even if limited and somewhat distorting, this flow of feelings may actually start making sense. Perhaps not today. But they may in the unforeseeable future.

Back to the Beginnings

Today, I just realised that it’s been over a year now since I started this blog, I called ZoneMind>. My first entry appeared on 7th May 2011 and I gave it the title Beginnings. I admit that I wasn’t quite sure what how this blog would evolve but, in time, as I attempted to deal with the emptiness and dissatisfaction that preoccupied me during that period, it took a life of its own. My engagement with Buddhist practice has opened my mind to a reality that, in many aspects, challenged my old world view I thought I had mastered.

I am now at a point where I’m unsure of where to go from here. I can’t explain it using conventional ways. Language wouldn’t be able to capture what I’ve been feeling in the last few days. But, it’s only through language that I can convey this feeling and state of being. But, yet, it defies convention and I don’t understand it myself. I have changed so much that I feel like another person. Or, rather, it’s like returning to a state of authentic being that I had a child. A state of mind beyond the restrictions of language and thought. I am more open to the world in a wonderful way that can be overwhelming. I am joyful and sad a…t the same time. Joyful because I am once again aware of the beauty of life and the unique miracle of human existence. Yet, I’m saddened when I witness a world that is obsessed with the idea of power, position and control. A struggle to preserve a self that is impermanent and finite.

But, as I become more mindful of the dark side of human nature, I catch glimpses of this same pride and arrogance of human beings in myself. I must admit to that. Even in my journey of self-exploration, I still suffer afflictive emotions. I still get angry. I still can hate or get jealous. I can still feel self-righteous and indulge in vain pride. But now, it’s different. I’m more aware that, like anyone else, I am very far from practicing real compassion. Yet, now I’m more aware of what’s happening inside, I have a choice - either to react or else to act with care and patience. I am free to act with a certain confidence and patience.

I can find happiness in the sadness of pain and suffering that affects us all as human beings. I can be authentic and genuine only if I acknowledge that many of the problems I have with relating to people and how people relate to me and each other are rooted in an ignorance. An ignorance, not in the sense of stupidity, but in the sense of not knowing or being unaware of the reality we live in.

The reality in which our life as human beings is finite and impermanent. A reality where our experience arises out of a relationship between the senses, material reality and living beings. We don’t make our bodies or form our minds on our own. For this, we need the world, other people and our senses. We need to recognise that fact. I have now appreciated this fact because it affirms a certain truth hidden deep within my being. A truth I had felt as a child when I used to watch the waves of the Mediterranean sea coming up to the beach when I used to swim at the fishing village of Marsaxlokk, Malta.

There was a harmony of nature. The sun in the blue sky. An occasional floating cloud shaped in ways I would imagine. The clean fresh air. The pleasant breeze of a soft summer wind. I was then, one with the sea, with the sand, one with those who swam in the same sea I sweat. During those moments, I felt connected to everything - free from the chains of language or conceptions. I don’t know why I should remember this. But, I guess, that was then, and things have changed. I grew up. My body is no longer that active, my eyes not as sharp and I am burdened by the knowledge of the world. Inasmuch as such knowledge is important, it isn’t reality. It’s only a reflection but not reality.

I feel I cannot go on living my life as I was before, Now that my mind is more clear, I feel I’m still confined to a life that has lost its shine. It appears that I’ve outgrown my ambitions and plans for the future. I wasted too much time seeking happiness when this can only be found within and not outside. It is then only that I can dare to go beyond where I do not know. But, before I make any radical changes in my life, I need to take some time to reflect and ponder the real purpose of my life. Yes, I may escape and leave things as they are and that would be easy. But then, I will have to live a life that I didn’t really want. A life that is dissonant with what I feel I should do.

I need to reflect. I need time.

I hope to return soon.

But, for now, I need to know.

A Reflection on Motherhood

Insome parts of the world, May is a month when motherhood is celebrated. This is the case in Malta (my country). Perhaps it’s obvious to state that everyone is here alive because he or she had a mother to conceive him/her.. I have thought a bit about the significance of this fact and as I meditated over the meaning of motherhood, I realised how much I had taken for granted and how really little did I appreciate having a mother in the first place. I also realised that, in spite of the many ways we separate ourselves from each other, we all have or had a mother in our lives.

When I thought about what the meaning of motherhood was to me, I realised that I can never truly understand what this actually is like. True, every mother experiences motherhood in her own way. However, as I’m a man, I can only go so far in my understanding of that experience. In addition, as a man, I can never aspire to be a mother. In fact, a prerequisite of being a mother is that you’re also a women. When I think about it, I find that it’s rather odd that in monotheistic religions, God is usually given masculine characteristics. Yet, I wonder whether this was the logical choice. And, if you look at ancient religions, we discover the cult of the Mother goddess. After all, aren’t we born out of mothers? Mothers, who are without exception, also women? Shouldn’t it then follow that God is primarily a woman as He is one who gives life and loves unconditionally?

I will not go into that debate today. It’s just that I feel rather embarrassed when I think how many men before me and to come assume that being a man entitles them to a certain superiority. When, I have come to realise that men and women should be equal and while physiologically we’re different, one sex isn’t superior to another but complementary to each other. Indeed, we come to the world because there was once a man and a woman who willingly or unwillingly united together on an intimate level..


Why did I include “unwilling” unions in the sentence before? This is because not all of us are the fruits of a loving relationship and may be the fruits of rape. Others may be abandoned by their mothers soon after they are born. And, sadly, some are even killed before they are even born. Aren’t these children of less value than others? I feel that we tend to think of mothers in an idealised way and forgetting that they are human beings who commit mistakes as well. Indeed, it takes a lot of sacrifice to become a mother and take care of your children. I don’t say this to diminish the status of mothers but, as I reflect on my own perceptions of mothers, I have a tendency to forget that not everyone might have a positive experience of their mother - if at all. And the mothers and the children living in difficult situations are often labelled or judged before they have a chance to know who they are. This is regretful but it happens. We risk closing our minds to an idea of motherhood that doesn't reflect the reality. In so doing, we invariably diminish the value of others who fall short of fitting in with our biased views on what motherhood means. Here, I have to thank my mother for giving me life but the many women in my life who provided me with guidance and understanding. Women who, in spite of being biologically unrelated helped me throughout my love with love and compassion without expecting anything in return. These too, in one way or another, were like mothers to me.

on Mother’s Day”. Indeed, you don’t have to be a mother in the biological sense to be a mother. Indeed, “motherhood” goes beyond biology but can also mean to be there for someone. To take care of the needs of another person when they’re young or vulnerable. It is to be there for someone else and love another unconditionally. Inn fact,, there were many women in my life who have also been like mothers to me. And, even if we might think of mothers in a limited way, these women had also an important role to play in our lives.

But, my mother remains the person who brought me to the world. She's the one who was here in my early childhood. Unfortunately, as I grew up and sought more autonomy, my relationship somehow started weakening. It's a phase we all go through as adolescents I guess. And, even

today, we may forget that if it wasn't for our mothers, we wouldn't be here. And even if we may not know who our mother is or were rejected by our mothers at some point in our life, we can appreciate that another human being brought us to the world. It's too easy to judge mothers who reject their children. But, even if it's not something pleasant, our mothers may thought this was best for us. I know I lack experience but, I feel, that some actions that may be misguided are too quickly judged as irresponsible or downright wrong.

As I end this post, I admit that I need to work on my relationship with my mother. I have taken her for granted. And, it's important to keep my heart open. For, it may be difficult, but it's necessary.

For today, she may be here. But, tomorrow, who knows? Indeed, only today can I really express my appreciation for giving me life and for being here for me.

Tomorrow may be too late.

Visions of Tomorrow

I’m writing this on a quiet Saturday morning. I plan to publish it tomorrow. And unless, something went wrong, you’re probably reading this on Sunday - but not before. I had a good night of rest but I went to sleep with a feeling of sadness and uncertainty following last night’s meditation. T the time of writing, yesterday was Friday  May 2012. But what does this date really mean?

Yes, I sometimes lose the sense of time. Whenever that happens, it’s always rather unsettling. Perhaps I’m getting old but should this be happening when I’m still 31? But, I guess that my experience of life is unique to me. Yet, at the same time, my life as a human being shares with you many common realities. The differences that separate me from you, indeed, are mostly artificial and secondary. Our position on Earth exposes us to the same challenges of life. Our needs are similar. The only differences are, in many cases, a result of our own preconceptions and models of how the world works that are fabricated by our minds.

I am still disturbed by what came up during my meditation. I will have to reflect more on its significance. I hope to be able to write an entry or two in the future. Yet, tomorrow I will be changed person as I wake up to a new day. I may not even be here tomorrow. Then, who would have written this? I will be just not here and, honestly, I don’t know where I would be. For tomorrow is only a thought only exists in our minds. It isn’t real in the sense that it is not tangible and, in truth, it is unreal. The only thing I can be sure of is that today I’m still alive and in relatively good health. I don’t know whether I’ll be around tomorrow. Granted, there’s a good probability that I’ll be here. But, still, my knowledge is limited. What tells me that a catastrophic event will hit Earth?

I don’t know. While one may be tempted to live in fear of the end, I have come to realise that death is ultimately our final destination. We may believe there’s an after-life awaiting us but there’s no certainty that another reality beyond this life exists. What I really have is the present moment. Thus, even if I still fail in this, as I grow in mindfulness, the more I have come to appreciate the present moment as a gift that I have been given without really doing anything to deserve it. 

And, whatever the future will bring, I  will try to be open to this unique opportunity to live for another day...  

The Human Connection

I managed to spend last Wednesday resting and dedicating my time thinking about life and how I fit in the world. It was a day of rest but this doesn’t mean that I spent the day doing nothing and lingering in bed. Indeed, when I spent time meditating or paying attention to all I did, I couldn’t help noticing that there were thoughts and feelings that emerged that weren’t so peaceful.

 

While we associate silence with peace and tranquility, a moment of silence can trigger an inner revolt that, at times, can bring to our awareness our best or our worse qualities. At least, this was my experience. It can get uncomfortable when you come face-to-face with all the bad things that seem to rise out of your mind. But, I think, it’s important for us to know that these thoughts that have accumulated inside are there. This prepares us when we are in a position to act.

 

I also realised that only a fool tries to deny his or her humanity. For all that we have accumulated in terms of knowledge and wisdom is inseparable from our being human. Not even hard science, which often claims to be objective, can escape the fact that even science cannot escape what I shall call the “human connection”. After all, we use our senses to interpret the world. Technology has permitted to access realities that we couldn’t access before due to our senses.

 

Technology that enables us to look at or listen to galaxies far away. Technology that enables us to study the microscopic and subatomic. Before, we would never imagined there could exist such realities so immense and so miniscule. Indeed, we would be excused for believing that such things didn’t exist at all. But, inasmuch as we progress in technology or scientific understanding, we remain bound to our humanity. The fact that we cannot escape our material being. The fact that whatever we produce remains limited by our body and mind.

 

Indeed, If you think about it, no area of human endeavour can escape this fact that whatever we have or build arises out of a complex relation between us and the world that is mediated through our body and mind. And, however efficient these might be in making sense of the world, they remain limited. Thus, if we hold on the idea that our reality is the only valid one, we risk misunderstanding what reality is. We fail to acknowledge that our view of the world is but one way of looking at things. However, the greatest danger is that in excluding other points of view, we also forget our basic humanity. And when that happens, we can expect  disaster for all of us.

 

So we create a politics preoccupied with votes and power, a science lacking respect for human dignity, an economy that puts money before ecology, a philosophy that condemns us to nihilism and a religion more preoccupied with rites and rituals than rekindling the human spirit.

 

This is what happens when we close ourselves to a restricted world view and one that denies our basic interdependence. It’s a world that by excluding our human connections to it, slowly conspires for our destruction.

 

Yes, this appears to be a rather gloomy post. However, I am convinced that even the most painful experiences have taught me something about who I am. I try to hold on to my commitment to grow as a human being every day. Yes, it’s sometimes good to stop what you’re doing for a while and really reflect on why you’re doing it. For, otherwise, you would be living without purpose and be unprepared when you are desperately seeking answers. When you’re in much need of hope and direction.

 

And, whoever we are, we need to remember that our life is only possible thanks to the contribution of so many people. I admit that I keep returning to that point. Forgive me for that but the more I think about it, this reality of my  human connection restores my hopes and faith that if we work together for a world that embraces the human spirit, we may be still in time to save lives and, ultimately,  our planet.

In Search of Perfect Peace

First, a haiku...

I sought perfection.

To find nothingness and death

Barren, perfect peace.

Now, a few reflections…

There is a sense of peace as I write this entry on the last day of my Easter break. Indeed, I feel well enough to  return to work tomorrow. I did  a lot of writing and soul-searching in the past weeks and, to be honest, I feel rather worn out. Of ideas, at least.

There was so much to process over the last weeks that I can’t believe that it all happened just like that. The time I spent at hospital is now but a memory. As I slowly return to my usual routine, all that happened before seems so irrelevant and, yes, unreal. The only thing that remains is the insight I have gained from that experience. I feel that I’ve given so much of myself over the last weeks or two. Now, I’m ready to receive and bear witness to life.

But is this real peace?

When we talk of peace, we usually think of a state where there exists no conflict and we have no more to worry about. We dream of achieving an ultimate state of perfection. When all things go as we have planned. When reality matches our dreams and aspirations. But, this isn’t how life works. That perfect peace is but an illusion that causes so much unnecessary suffering. It deprives us of an opportunity to change. It turns living into mediocrity.

I don’t know what motivated me to write on peace and perfection. Perhaps it’s an attempt to understand why there comes a point when I really have nothing to say. A point When we have  to admit that we must be receptive to the world around us. A moment in time when our minds have to let go of their preconceptions and tendency to judge. Yes, I have sought perfection and peace as I saw them -   but achieving both could bring about a kind of death. Not necessarily a physical one but more of a spiritual one.

For the real  peace I seek should be one that celebrates  life and embraces change. For life is, in truth, change. A person who doesn’t grow or renew is but a corpse - devoid of life and lacking the spirit of humanity. I, myself, have struggled with the idea of perfection. I felt that I could never be at peace if my body wasn’t close to the ideal body that society so glorified and commended. I was, indeed, physically impaired and, later, acquired a visual impairment. These didn’t fit well with the bodily ideal of perfection that I was exposed to. We dream of a time when we will end all this material suffering. Yet, I dare ask whether if we really become “perfect”, would this world truly be a better place? If we became “immortal” and retain our youthful energy, would that make us better humans?

Again, I don’t have the answers. What I know is that over the years I always depended on others in some way or another. I have felt moments when I did hate my body for being limiting and restrictive. Yet, today, I have come to realise that society had a role to play in making me feel unwanted, unwelcome or even  a burden. And yet, I’m not totally  dependent on others. On the contrary, I’m sure that others depend on me. But even if I didn’t, would that reduce my value as a person? Is our worth as humans dictated by what we do?

I’m afraid that in the West where the economy has gained considerable influence and power over our lives, we are being valued more for what we do rather than on who we are. The simple fact is that we are commodifying life. We are treating other human beings like us as property. Suddenly, people are defined in terms of economics. Make no mistake, this is modern slavery. And we accept it because we have become too attached to the material fruit of this state of affairs. There’s nothing wrong with that. Indeed, I really enjoy the good things that the modern world has made possible. Indeed, if I think about it, it would be unimaginable for me to reach the world through writing if it weren’t advances in technology, in political and social organisation and, yes, in our economy.

However, the danger is when we become slaves to this material wealth. It is then when we lose sight of the important things in life. It’s than that money takes the place of human life. It’s then when we have regress. It’s when we persist in perceiving ourselves as separate and independent individuals that the tragedy happens. When countries fail to intervene  while there’s still hope that lives can be saved that we fail. We can never be separate. We can never claim to be independent.

I end this rather unstructured post with hope. Hope that the world will one day be at peace. This isn’t saying that I hope that  all disease will be eradicated (not that isn’t commendable). Nor that people will not age or die any more. I can’t hold on to  unrealistic hopes. Painful as they might be, These realities, I learned, are an intrinsic part of the process of life. Without them, change wouldn’t happen and new life would be impossible.

What I hope is that we, me included, recognise our essential humanity - our essential common experiences. For whatever your creed or belief, you must face the same stages  of life as anyone else, including death. This is the  reality. We may choose to waste our lives pursuing a perfection that isn’t there and a peace that doesn’t really satisfy us. When instead, we should appreciate what we have and, yes, improve on it. But not at the cost of losing our compassion and ability to relate to other human beings as persons and not as objects.

When Buddha was teaching the four noble truths, the first truth he taught was that “life is dukkha”. The word “dukkha” is a Pali word which has been  inaccurately translated as “suffering”. However, a more accurate  translation of the word “dukkha” is “dissatisfaction”.  A dissatisfaction that cannot be resolved until we stop hanging on to our attachments - whether they are material or abstract in nature.

Paradoxically, we may find peace in our lives and discover perfection in our lives when we recognise that peace and perfection aren’t in the future. That in reality they can be found in our  ordinary everyday lives. If we are prepared to  receive.  and

Is this the authentic peace we are seeking? Is this a perfection that transcends all things?

You decide...

Confessions of a Buddhist at Heart

SADNESS IN HAPPINESS

 

I hesitate to express my thoughts and feelings. I’m afraid of being misunderstood, or even ridiculed. I have progressed a lot in my journey of self-discovery. I have tried to capture this experience in the pages of this blog. I have tried to find a greater meaning to my life and, perhaps, reaching beyond the limitations posed by a restricted view of the world. I sought happiness and satisfaction. I did all of those things.

 

This journey has led me to a spiritual investigation encompassing rich traditions ranging from Christianity to Buddhism. I believe that this process has helped me grow and mature as a human being. I can truly say that I am happy. I really am. Yet, you might find it strange if I told you that this happiness is sometimes permeated by a sense of sadness. A sadness that I can’t really put into words without distorting it. A sadness that I feel when I witness the human stories of unnecessary suffering often brought about by  our failure to relate to others as equals.

 

For, in truth, happiness is a state of being while sadness is an emotion. While we tell others not to be sad, feeling sad is an intrinsic part of life and, indeed, it makes us able to express our compassion to others. You may be happy but feel sad. As I type away, I am happy but sad because I know that people around the world are still facing pain and suffering while any  pain and discomfort I experience pales in comparison.

 

AN AWAKENING?

 

I admit that today I came to embrace the teachings of the Buddha and to better understand what Jesus was teaching in the first century of the Common Era. Yet, in spite of these teachings of love and compassion, under the pretence of belief, we choose to separate ourselves in terms of proclamations. There are many ways which we may choose to define our belief. I may claim I’m a Jew, that I’m a Christian, that I’m a Muslim, that I’m a Hindu, that I’m a Sikh and so on. I may also claim that I’m a non-believer or even an atheist.

 

Yet, there is no such a thing as a non-believer. Everyone believes in something or someone. It’s part of being human. The danger is one we cling to those beliefs and close our minds and hearts to what we judge as being different or absurd. When you relate to another person, are’t believing that the other person is, in some form or another, there - beyond yourself?

 

Today, I declare I’m a Buddhist at heart. I don’t claim that I adopted all aspects of Buddhism. I have questioned and still have doubts about some aspects. Yet, I have found meaning in what I learned. Ironically, perhaps, I am also discovering parallels with the teachings of Jesus and that of the Buddha. I’m not implying that these traditions are the same. What I’m saying is that they share a basic teaching of love and compassion. A message of forgiveness and reconciliation. And, I feel, this is the most important thing - if not the only important thing.

 

By saying that I’m a Buddhist at heart, doesn’t mean that I now detest all I learned from my upbringing as a Roman Catholic. On the contrary, it is an opportunity to more fully appreciate the different teachings and the wisdom contained within those teachings. For, I believe, these people didn’t die to have millions of people kneel and pray to them. They certainly didn’t want people to oppress or kill others in their name. What they really wanted was for us to change our minds and hearts and not close ourselves to a self, which scrutinised, reveals to be empty.

 

In this sense, our emptiness isn’t implying that we don’t exist. Rather it’s saying that we cannot exist to ourselves. All we have and all we are is not our own. It’s a gift we are given by those around us and by the world which sustains our body and mind. In other words, we are co-dependent. At the same time, we must face the reality that, irrespective of any belief we might subscribe to, we are all impermanent.

 

DISCOVERING A UNIVERSAL HUMANITY

 

I have said this before but it’s important to emphasise that as long as we are human beings,  we all go through the same stages of life. We get sick because we are made up of living matter. We get old because our  bodies are constantly renewing themselves. It may sound strange but our bodies today are not the same ones we had 5 years ago and we have also changed the way we look at things. Ultimately, we will one day die. That’s something we all share. We may rarely get sick, or die young, but all of us die.

 

And yet, we seem to live as if this world was our permanent home. We live a life hanging on to our possessions. We put our self above everyone else, believing that we are independent and don’t need anyone else. I admit I am also guilty of holding on to such delusions. However, now I commit myself each day to be more mindful of these thoughts. I don’t want to continue suffering under the influence of afflictive desires, to lose all reason as I am burned by hate. Most importantly, I seek to free myself from the chains of ignorance. An ignorance rooted in an  attachment to all the world has to offer.

 

I’m no better than others. This might sound harsh but we often cling to an idea that we are the most important thing in life. Don’t get me wrong, I am important but I must never forget that who I am today and what I have achieved was only possible thanks to the many people who had a part to play in my life and those who influenced me through their teaching and ideas. There may be many people to thank. Many I don’t even know or met personally. Or whom I’ll ever meet. We often forget that our experience today depends on a chain of people which make our life possible.

 

LIFE IN A CUP OF TEA

 

As I await my cup of tea, I remember my dad who is brewing the tea. I thank him for taking the time to prepare it for me. But, I must also thank the ones who packed the tea for my consumption. The people who have sold the tea to my family. The merchant who got the tea to Malta (my country). The people who have collected the tea leaves in convenient sachets.  Last, but most crucial, the people who spent the time picking the tea leaves and those who processed them to produce the basic component of my cup of tea. So many people and so many connections. There, are of course, many other factors that made this moment of drinking my tea possible but I would bore you to death. And I have learned that every instance of our experience is unique and precious.

 

This is at the reason I have decided to open my heart and express what has been silenced for a long time. I have found meaning in my life. I have found an authentic freedom and happiness beyond my expectations. I am at peace. Yet, as long as I’m human, I will still get sad, still get angry and still feel resentment. However, as I meditate during this quiet afternoon, I realise that as I develop my mindfulness, I feel free from the suffering caused by a failure to recognise the essential impermanent nature of my human experience. Freedom from the suffering caused by a belief that I don’t need anyone in this life.

 

EMBRACING THE HUMAN HEART

 

Truly, when I state that i’m opening my heart to you as a person and describing my embrace of the Buddhist way, I’m simply sharing with you, a stranger, an experience of discovery. While everyone finds happiness in their own ways, I only wanted to share with you a realisation and an affirmation that I have found refuge in the Buddhist way..  I am not even saying that I abandoned all I learned from Christianity. Truth is truth.

 

Today, I’m actually sharing my humanity. And that transcends all our divisions we might built to separate us from each other. Perhaps we fear to admit that, in essence, our differences are secondary to the most important reality in our life.

 

The reality of being human!

A Hospital Retreat - Part 2

Continues from Part 1
Now seven days since I was hospitalise. I can't deny that this stay, like all the others before, don't upset my daily routine and force me to confront an aspect of life we often forget or choose to avoid acknowledging. For, in spite of all progress in our standards Oc living, many face the reality of illness and old age. And no one can really escape death.

My life right now appears almost unreal. I do sometimes feel as if this will never end. Yet, as I take the time to apply what I learned from my Buddhist teachings, I realise that this too will pass. However, even if the temptation is to avoid thinking of the pain I'm going through, I am realising that dealing with this experience as it manifests itself leaves me feeling more peaceful and serene.
This insight into this suffering seems to be counter-intuitive. Yet, accepting what is happening right now as it happens does help free the mind from intensifying the suffering as it considers the future while it gives you back some control over your life. After all, the fact that we all get ill and many of us will get old is an inescapable part of life. Death is also inevitable.

There's a certain sadness that emerges from considering these three realities so central to buddha's teachings. We are too attached to the idea that we can remain closed to accepting that life is impermanent and temporal. But, then we risk loosing a very precious truth about our human condition. That, in spite of their repulsiveness, illness, old age and death; all connect us. All affect us as living beings. All reveal that other differences based on other aspects of who we are such as race, gender, disability, faith and sexual orientation; are only secondary to our basic humanity.

These three realities not only define us as humans, they can be the source and motivations behind our greatest achidvements.
I don't know how long I'll be here in hospital. But, as I said before, I'll try to make the best of it. Of course, I will do my best to regain my health. Bug, equally important, I want to grow spiritually and appreciate more the life I have and receive the present moment with an open heart and awakened mind.

Related entries:
Letting Go - A Haiku Trio

Location:Mater Dei Hospital, Msida

A Hospital Retreat - Part 1

Last Tuesday, I was admitted to hospital to undergo a number of rtests so that doctors can figure out what was causing the problems I was having recently. Here, it's not my intention to talk about my health issues. Yet, every time I'm admitted to hospital reminds me of how unpredictable our lives really are. This week, I had to deliver a presentation at a local conference but even if I had prepare everything for the following Friday, I found myself on a hospital bed. We can and make plans for the future, but it would be foolish for us to get too attached to them. This realisation of impermanence appears to be more in my life. Not that it wasn't there before but it can be an uncomfortable truth to face.

At the same time, since my Buddhist practice of mindfulness, I also learned it would be a tragedy if life wasn't subject to change. We would be justified then to fall into despair and become despondent. It would be futile to hope and to dream. Yes, I know that hard days seem eternal and oppressive. But, even now, I'm still in hospital, I have more time to practice meditation which lifts up my spirit as I notice that I can learn even from this experience. That, even if we don't see hospitals as pleasant places, there are people who care about the welfare of others. Of course, you'll also find people who don't care about others but only see their work as another job to get over and done with. However, this shouldn't diminish the daily acts of humanity and compassion taking place here.

We shouldn't forget that hospital itself can also be a happy place. most of people e West, living in the West, are born in a hospital. The hospital is also a space where people get better or given another chance to live better again. And, yes, it's also where people die. Hospital reflects life but in a way, hospital can quickly become almost an unreal location which we deny exists because we want to hide, perhaps, from those aspects of life which are difficult to come to terms with. A life which not only consists of health and beauty but one also characterise by old age, illness and death.
As I type this from hospital, I am still waiting for news about my health. I also hope to return to my previous life. However, thanks to mobile technology, I can still reach out to the world. And this made it possible for me to end my series entitled 'In Memory of Identity '.

I am also taking this hospital stay as an opportunity to grow in self-awareness and cultivate my understanding of life and reality. This blog started off following a hospital experience.

But, even if I've changed a lot in how I view my life, I realise how very little I actually know.
Such as to appreciate more of what I've been given. For, in an earlier time, I would surely not have survived till 30.
Continued...

Location:Mater Dei Hospital, Msida

The Promises of Pain

Last Monday, I was given the bad news by my dentist that three teeth had simultaneously suffered a traumatic event and needed to be extracted as early as possible. Worse still, I was told that I could only have local anaesthetic for the procedure. I had hoped that since the extractions will be substantial and stressful to my body, I hoped that general anaesthesia will be an option. Over the last four days since I was informed that, one day or another in the next few weeks, I had to return to the dentist to have this procedure done, my thoughts have been preoccupied by the prospect of having this procedure. More precisely, I would imagine the pain I will have to endure. Even when I gathered my mind to meditate, my mind returned to this concern.

From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.

In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?

I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.

As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.

10 Years of Fear

There is already a lot of commentary and opinions trying to analyze where we are today following 10 years since the September 11, 2001 attacks. However, as we prepare to honour the many people who lost their lives on that tragic day, I feel it it’s important to ask ourselves whether the world has moved on. In other words, can we say that the planet has become a safer and more peaceful place for us to live in?

Putting aside any political interests, can we truly say that the so-called “war on terror” was real and justified? Undoubtedly, 9/11 caused great loss of life and, indeed, we must remember all those who were killed in the name of an ideology feeding on hate and revenge. But have we thought of the thousands more of equally innocent people whom have been killed in a war against an unknown target?

Don’t we care that much because they don’t belong to our culture, don’t have our values, don’t believe in the same God as we do? Perhaps, we fear, that these people we now label “Arabs” or “Muslims” are a threat to Western civilization which we believe is based on the values of democracy, respect and justice? Does this explain the rise of Islamophobia in the West and the growing popularity of far-right extremism?

Can we reconcile our supposed respect of human rights with the emerging evidence that innocent people might have been tortured and bullied to reveal dubious information about events that took place on 9/11 and to investigate whether there may be new plans to attack? Can we we pride ourselves with the good values we hold while we inflict pain and suffering on the world we never bothered to understand, let alone care for?

Are we comfortable with the fact that some multinational companies are exploiting parts of the world for their rich natural resources to gain profit while the inhabitants are living in a state of hunger and unimaginable poverty and disease? Are we ready keep watching scenes of conflict and violence on our media thinking that this doesn’t affect me? Yet, you meet someone who is different than you, perhaps a Muslim, do you become fearful and suspicious?

Yes, Osama bin Laden was killed. However, it would be naïve to think that this solved the problems that gave rise to 9/11. For horrible as the actions of Al Qaeda may have been, there are still people who have come to the conclusion that terror and violence are the only ways to stop a West, that they perceive is exploiting their lands, killing their people and impoverishing their lives. We who don’t have to deal with a situation where you have to worry about whether you’re going to eat today or how far you need to go in order to get safe drinking water, don’t appreciate that out there people are living a harsh life.

We may avoid thinking about these realities. Indeed, we may not care enough to realize that killing bin Laden, for example, only removed one symptom of a far greater disease. A disease that cannot be cured by medicine and antibiotics. The disease is fear. A malady that is sometimes so strong that it forces us to keep away from anyone or anything which we perceive as a threat. In the name of fear, we close our mind and heart to others who are different while they become mere objects where we project our darker sides. They become the targets of our hate, resentment, insults and violence. As we feed our fears, our victims lose their humanity.

Sadly, unless we don’t recognize that we can no longer go on with our life thinking what happens in other parts of the world isn’t our concern, we will be easy victims for fear and its afflictions. By closing ourselves to the suffering of others, we fail to appreciate the dire situation other people living in the world are living in. Without recognizing that, to some extent, we may have contributed to this situation, we would have learned little from 9/11. If we believe what our fears tell us, we will miss seeing that our similarities with ‘those people’ are much greater than our differences.

Unless we do all that and more, we will remain trapped in an age of fear. An age which doesn’t exist in time but in our minds.

Facing the Enemy Within

Who is the enemy? We all have people in our life that we feel we can never get along with. We may deny it, but as we grow older, we start distinguishing between those we consider friends, those who we don’t have any feelings towards and enemies. However, thinking of these three types of people in terms of closed groups is simplistic for friends can, at one point in the future, become enemies or vice versa.

Undeniably, the relations we have with other people and the way we perceive them in our world is important as it provides us with an identity and a feeling of control and choice. This is because, unlike our family, we tend to choose who are friends and enemies are.thinking these of these three groups of people as if life was that simple would be naïve for no individual is fixed in his/her position in our world view. Even if it doesn’t happen everyday, friends can become enemies and vice versa. People who we didn’t know or care for before may suddenly become our best friend or worse enemy. Yet, unlike our family, it is up to us to choose who gets to be  our friend or enemy.  

However, we tend to be unaware that the greatest enemy mis not on the outside but rather inside of us.  if we think about it, our greatest enemy may be within us. For, destructive and malicious as they may be, we have the choice of how to react to our enemies and, many times, we tend to get wound up in resentment and hate if we are challenged by an external enemy. In the process of letting the external enemy’s words and action, we trigger an inner conflict. On the one hand, we attempt to justify ourselves and cultivate our anger against the enemy, and on the other, all the negative self-images of our past return to haunt us.

Once this happens, it means that the external enemy, with the complicity of our inner enemy, has managed to invade our heart and mind. Whether we resort to pride and self-righteousness, or sulk away in self-pity and seeking   consolation from others, the enemy has won the battle if not the war. Don’t get me wrong - I am not saying that one shouldn’t defend ourselves if someone goes around telling lies about us or in some way harming us. I’m saying that the moment we fixate on the pain inflicted upon us is the one we have have given up our freedom to choose. Indeed, we become hostage to a  negative thought process that changes us in ugly ways.

We may attempt to disassociate from the outer threat. We may get caught up in a stream of anger, resentment, and hate. We may go as far as murdering our external threat in our mind by dehumanizing this person. In so many ways, we become the enemy - not just to our human enemy on the outside but an enemy to our own selves. The good news is that we can choose to be victims and surrender to our enemy or learn from our experience. We might even try to understand why our external enemy has attacked us.

In this sense, an enemy can be of help in becoming aware of our own weaknesses - of how easily we can be conditioned by other people. It can make us more conscious of our tendencies to distance ourselves from our enemy, but at the same time, defining ourselves in a negative relation to our enemy. It should be an experience where we learn how much we are absorbed in a belief that we, together with those we regard to be part of our group, are the ‘good’, the ‘right’ and the ‘just] - judging all those who don’t meet our standards as outsiders. In clutching to our convictions that we have got nothing to do with ‘these other people’ who may come from different race, religious tradition or ethnic background, etc., we miss out on our human heritage.

For, unlike the enemy outside, the inner enemy can generate a legion of enemies that are not real or rational. We may have never met these people, these ‘others’ but as long as our minds perceives them as a threat, then we can be as hateful and resentful as if they really were acquaintances. 

our adversaries may be, we have a choice of whether to give in to our destructive impulses characterized by emotions fueled by a growing hate and resentment. An enemy is stronger when s/he has managed to cast us in a fight or flight mode where we are caught up in an internal battle torn between defending ourselves and attacking our enemy. At least in my experience, getting caught up in the conflict within only serves to inflame the anger and resuscitate the multitude of negative images of ourselves we have grown to believe without really knowing.

In our attempts to protect our own self-image, we suddenly turn our enemy into an ‘other’ by which we disassociate ourselves from the person we perceive as a threat to the point of dehumanizing them. But, in robbing our opponent from a humanity, aren’t we becoming less human? When we tell ourselves that we are the good people and the ones in the right and insisting that we are different, better and just people and our enemy is not part of us, aren’t we denying ourselves an opportunity to learn? For once we are absorbed in an attempt to protect our self-imposed identity, we become hostage to our own thoughts and emotions. At that point, the have unintentionally chosen to be conditioned by another person. 

On the other hand, we can take the opportunity to observe our reactions as our mind battles in a conflict between our self-doubt and pride, between our instincts of defense and attack. But what is there to learn when we’re feeling pain inside and we feel hurt so much that we cannot control  our emotions? This is not easy, I admit, but we have to admit to ourselves that we are angered because something out there has challenged our world view. It has shaken the foundations of our beliefs and robbed up of any peace of mind. Yet, as we realise that we have been thrown into this state of apparent chaos because we have consented to an enemy to let the seeds of malice grow in our heart and mind. This should make us more aware of how easily we can we be conditioned into a thought process  that is, for the most part, our own making.

In addition, as we seek to justify our belief that we are the better ones, we build an image of the other that is inhuman and even worthless. Ironically, by defining ourselves in terms of our enemy makes us not only psychologically dependent on our enemy in defining ourselves, but also robs us of any clains to a free will. We are confined to a state of mind where we are tuck in fear. The tragic thing is that, many times, we create our own cell and surrender to the enemy within, which makes us believe we are the best as we intoxicate ourselves in calling ourselves names that elevate us to a godlike status. In short, we have created an enemy that is even more dangerous because we’re unaware of. The fact is that we can ultimately give power to those who want to harm us.

However, there are other groups of people who our mind may perceive as enemies, especially if we are prone to being attached to an image of ourselves that is exclusive and is set against ‘other’ people we deem, consciously or unconsciously, inferior and less worthy than we are and the group we associate ourselves with. Our ‘enemy’ here is not real in the sense that we may have never met these persons. But we can still harbour a certain hate and resentment if we even hear their name mentioned. It sounds irrational and it is irrational. But, that does not stop people from holding on to preconceived notions of people depending on their race, religious tradition, or ethnic group. 

Our justification in conceiving those different than us as enemies emerges out of a fear that these people will threaten our social order. A national identity that prides itself in respect of diversity and freedom of expression is used to delineate between those who are worthy of rights and those who are not. Our cultures which were only possible because of our interest in discovering how other people live slowly becomes an instrument to oppress and exclude what can actually enrich it. A faith or religion which preaches that we are equal in the eyes of God, can implicitly resist those who belong to different faith. In forming our mental image of the enemy, we fail to be aware that much of what we believe is but a delusion. Worse still, by building barriers between ‘us’ and ‘them’, we risk to forget that we share our humanity and face the joys and pains of birth, love, friendship, disease and death.

This brings us back full circle to the initial question: Who is the enemy? The answer is not straightforwardIndeed, as we have seen an enemy can be really out there to harm us and our perception of them as threats may be legitimate and advised. On the other hand, enemies can be produced through our own preconceptions and world views. We can also find enemies hidden in our past memories and experiences. Yet, if we had to identify a common characteristic that defines enemies that we create from real or past  experience and imaginary enemies we form out of mere prejudice is that we are the ones who consent in letting these enemies take control over us. True, manny times it’s due to habit and our tendency to look at our world without consideration to those who fall outside of our rigid world view. 

This is why it’s important to find a time in our busy schedule to reach within and face our enemy. Even if we may feel uncomfortable with facing our enemy, the inner critic, which lifts us up only to enjoy seeing us taking  a great fall. While may be unable to help feeling resentment and hate in certain situations, we should take this opportunity to learn about ourselves and perhaps slowly changing our inner enemy to an inner ally. If we succeed in that, our human enemy has no more power over us and, indeed, if we make that extra effort, we can start to understand why your enemy has chosen you as a target. Indeed, you sometimes cannot choose your enemies either if you think about it because an enemy may hold feelings of hate and resentment based on a wong view. Then it’s even more important to be more aware of yourself and more open to others.  

Yet, what all these enemies have in common is that we can usually decide to what extent do we give power to them to condition our lives and, indirectly, control our thoughts and emotions. While we think of our daily enemies as persons who we would do without, they can also help us reflect more deeply on who we are and on what we can be like in difficult circumstances. Our enemies can also help us make an effort to understand that, malicious as they may be, our enemies still share our humanity and are not immune to their own inner enemy. 

I know that it’s easy to write all this and putting into practice is another matter altogether. Indeed, I’ve made many mistakes in the past and will surely do more along the way. But, as I grow in self-awareness thanks to my daily meditation, the more I come to realize how destructive we can be by giving up to someone else or to an imaginary threat our minds. How easy it is to persist in believing lies about your world that contradict experience.

The danger of avoiding to face our inner enemy is that, in persisting in protecting ourselves and our self-image, we close our heart and mind to others with the result of losing part of our humanity and of an opportunity for real growth.

Our Lives: Past, Present and Future

I've come a long way since I started my investigation into the meaning of life. My attempt to understand the nature of my reality. The reason for being. Indeed, I've changed a lot as I ask questions about what is happening around me: in my personal life, in my local community and within the global family. I have found a few answers and I still got many other queries that remain unresolved.

Undertaking this journey leaves you feeling rather lonely. However, paradoxically, it can leave you more connected to the world like never before. I have been helped immensely by my exploration of Buddhist thought. In fact, as I delve deeper in my understanding, I have discovered peace and happiness that I have never experienced - except in those rare occasions. I  bust admit that I had an early interst in the Buddhist tradition but was perhaps too afraid to develop this interest. That is, until  today.

Don't get me wrong. The path I chose to take is a personal choice. It isn't for everyone but the more I learn about the philosophy behind the Buddhist practice of contemplative meditation, the more I am convinced that I am getting somewhere. I still have a lot of respect for Christianity as I was brought up in this tradition. Indeed, my desire to pursue an alternative way of looking at life and living doesn't diminish my respect for the value of my past teaching. In fact, as I discover facts about Buddhism, I can't help notice significant par allels between Christian morality and Buddhist morality.

At the same time, I find that the Buddhist way of thought and analysis works for me. I have also gained a lot from my daily practice of meditation. I am finding new ways of looking at the world. I feel, for the first time, that there is something unique and precious in this life that I've taken for granted. I am sincerely grateful when I wake up in the morning - usually to start the day with a few minutes meditating about what I dreamt, the feelings I had on opening my eyes and thoughts about the day ahead.

I don't want you to think that there aren't moments when I'm sad, angry or anxious - for example. The fact that these and other emotions are part of our life. We can't help feeling angry if we feel cheated, or sad if we got bad news about a friend, or even if someone passed an unkind remark. But, if we are mindful enough of our thoughts and feelings, we can change the way we relate to ourselves and, by extension, how we relate to others.

At the end of it all, our emotions come and go. That is the nature of life - the essence of reality. The impermanence of things. And as our emotions rise and fall in our consciousness, so will our bodies one day perish. But, then, what comes next is anyone's guess. It's good to have faith in a world beyond but it's equally important to cultivate happiness now and today. Not just for your own sake but for the benefit of the entire human family.

Discovering Happiness in Suffering

It may sound paradoxical to speak of happiness and suffering as if they're related to each other - if not a cause and effect. However, as I meditated on the nature of suffering, I realised that one cannot exist without the other.

Indeed, I've got a long term relationship with pain and suffering. But the fact that I'm a disabled person causes people to wrongly assume that my existence is dominated by suffering. This isn't the case at all. Yes, I do suffer at times on a physical level and I try to alleviate this pain. However, there's nothing extraordinary with my experience of pain and suffering and it comes and goes.

Suffering is inevitable. It's part of the human condition. Of course, I'm not saying that we shouldn't avoid or diminish suffering if it's possible. But we can't eliminate it completely. Suffering is in no way a good thing but it teaches us to be humble. Indeed, it teaches us to be compassionate. It teaches us to be human.

Imagine if you could perform everything you put your mind to with no effort at all. Would you be happier? It may sound ideal. But then, there would be no challenge or goal to achieve. If everything was perfect, how can you know what imperfection is - how can you appreciate happiness if you never experienced suffering, loss or pain?

Yet, while it's good that we try to reduce avoidable suffering, a degree of suffering remains part of our human experience. Eliminating suffering would imply that neither art, science and religion as well as all aspects of our humanity are worthless since they are founded on suffering and a struggle to adapt ourselves to it.

Here I'm particularly concerned by what has Been termed the 'culture of death' characterised by a movement to legislate for a 'right' to die. However, this culture is really based on a denial of a basic human reality that in this life, we must suffer. It's a negation of the fact that we can reduce the suffering of others if only we didn't put things before persons.

This modern trend to sanction and legalise laws such as assisted suicide, and euthanasia have been hailed as liberating and giving people a choice on how to die and when. However, what is happening is that we're giving up our right to life.

There were a few times when I thought I wanted to die. That my life was going nowhere. But like suffering, change is also part of life. And the situation did change. But, if we-expect that we can live in a world with no suffering, then we wouldn't have learned anything for failing would make us suffer, we wouldn't attempt to talk for fear of sounding stupid, we wouldn't invest our time and energy to live a better life and we wouldn't bother to make sacrifices for the benefit of our loved ones.

In a nutshell, not only suffering instrumental in finding happiness but essential to appreciate happiness itself.