The Gifts of Boredom

Since I started this blog, I can’t help asking myself whether it was a good idea after all. Indeed, who I am to ponder the questions that have troubled human beings since the beginning of human time? And when I speak of religion and spirituality, am I really mature enough to know what they really mean? And besides, who is really interested in considering the profound questions posed by consciousness and awareness that “knows that it knows”? Yes, part of me is also curious about how many people on the net are actually reading what I am trying to express here.

Since the start of this year, I had to spend a considerable amount of time in bed due to a medical issue. While, thanks to technology, I could still keep in touch with my friends and what was happening in the world, the fact that I had to spend many days away from work and life in general meant that I was frustrated. To make things worse, a back problem rendered me even more helpless than I ever was. It can be a boring life, I admit, and considering my previous life as a disabled activist and researcher which was quite a fulfilling one, this new life seemed empty and pointless. Where was my life going?

It’s surprising how when we are faced with considerable time on our own without much to do, we start noticing things about who we are that we may miss during our busy lives. We have the time to revisit past memories and even dwell on things we wish to do but cannot do. We even resolve to change how we live our life as if it was the new year. And I couldn’t help reflecting on my own fragility after being rendered helpless due to a toe infection and back pain! I also thought about the time in my late teens when I was close to death. Then it was far worse, I admit. Yet, my concerns about my purpose in life and, by extension, the nature of death; returned to haunt me.

This thirst for answers and hunger for purpose reawakened a part of me that I had forgotten or buried deep in my unconscious. A sort of emotion, feeling, state - I can’t find the right word. But I think that it could be best described as my spirituality. While I have already talked about the pitfalls of religion, this is the place I would look for answers. After all, religion is not the problem itself but rather it is how people manipulate religion to suit their ends that is the problem. 

However, before threading any further into my spiritual journey, I owe it to you to provide some background information about my relation to religion and spirituality because it is central to understand how my present outlook developed over the last months.