We are often exposed to news stories reporting on the deaths of motorists, people still dying in places far away as a result of war, natural disasters or the injustices of poverty and intolerance. But, does hearing these accounts day and night, stir us in any way? Or have we become so used to these stories that we don’t perhaps stop and reflect that, behind these victims, there are real people? People who are suffering or even dying? While the killings still happening in Syria are cause for concern, many other people this minute are dying out of unnatural acts of our human failure to love and respect each other as equals.
So, we have the rich and the poor, the so-called ‘developing’ and the ‘developed’ worlds. There are the fit and the unfit. Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs and many other religious traditions. There are secularists, humanists, and atheists. But, if I think about it, all these categories are created by us. Yes, all of us continue reinforcing these differences, often without knowing. We want to belong to a group in society that we feel is more like us. It’s irrelevant whether we identify as criminals, drug dealers, practicing believers, or convinced atheists. If we are given the opportunity to express our feelings, we tend to like those like us.
But, then again, can we really claim that our lives are ‘ours’? Many would claim this is a fact. Our life is our life and nobody has the right to impose anything on us against our will. In this, I wholeheartedly agree. The problem is when we lay claim to all our achievements and to our current position. The illusion manifests itself when we believe, without question, that our bodies belong to us, almost as if they were an object or property we have. With that I would have a problem. For, in truth, if you aren’t careful, you might run off with the impression that you can make it on your own on this Earth. In its extreme form, such a delusion may lead us to neglect our bodies or, worse still, harm others because they become simply possessions and objects to manipulate like any other utensil.
There are a couple of questions I will put out there. I won’t answer them or presume to know the answers to any of them. And, once you start reading, you will quickly realise the answers are pretty straight forward. I will, however add a short comment at the end of each question for further reflection.
Did you choose to be born?
Who brought you to the world?
Have you created the society, the culture, the science, the structure and the world you are now living in?
Have you created the planet Earth and all the living beings that populate it?
Have you created the Earth itself, the planets in the solar system and the Sun?
Have you created this galaxy, this universe and the cosmos beyond?
Have you created the stars and the matter forming the basis of material reality?
Have you sparked off all of this and can truly claim that this life, which spans for an infinitesimal stretch of time your own making?
Of course, we remain responsible for our own thoughts and actions to a point. And, even there, we are always limited as human beings. We still need many others to make it through the day. We need other living beings to survive on this planet. Starting from what we think insignificant such as flies and bees to those we deem beautiful and worth preserving. Yet, if you think about it, all beings contribute in their own ways to the welfare of the planet. Even if it may be yet unknown to us.
Unfortunately, the human species is perhaps the only animal who has actively exploited nature for its own ends. The only ‘self-aware[ being that still assumes that everything will go on as before in spite of the impact of waste, pollution, deforestation, nuclear disasters and so much more.
But, wait, I am a human being too! My life depends o so many people, so many living beings, the Earth and the stars that populate it. I cannot keep detached from all that is happening. Like you and the rest of humanity, my life depends on others. To what extent, I and others, are committed to preserving our Earth. To how far we are prepared to put our differences and desires to control and gain power for the welfare of all human beings. Indeed, our life, our bodies and even our thoughts are not exclusively our own. They are constantly shaped and sustained by the Earth. Even the very atoms and molecular structures that form our bodies originated in the beginning of the universe.
Indeed, as I ponder on the ending of another day. As another night falls beckons. I look around me with a sense of gratitude. As I look at the night sky with my feeble eyes, I ask myself…
Are we all sons and daughters of the stars?
Made of the same stuff.
Matter that will not last forever.
What exists beyond that is a matter of speculation and personal faith.
Showing posts with label stars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stars. Show all posts
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A Forgotten Childhood?
As a young boy, I was curious to know about how the world worked. I also wanted to know what life was all about. I wanted to know to gain a kind of closure and some answers to the question of why I had an impairment, when other boys my age were considered “normal” and “healthy”. I just didn’t understand why the God the priests praised so much on the altar who was so kind and loving had punished me from birth. Surely, I had done something really awful. I was a bad child of God and had to accept my fate without question. Indeed, I needed to redeem myself. If I think about it, my impairment back then was not as severe as it is today. True, I couldn’t bend my legs straight and my gait, which was described by a doctor in one medical report was a “scissor’s gait” was close enough to reality. I could still walk and run at the time but still it bothered me that in spite of what I did, I was different in eyes of others.
With all good intentions, even those close to me wanted me to become “normal” and within a culture very influenced by religious sentimentality, I was prayed on and loved ones hoped for a “miracle” to happen. I was happy as a child but I was also unhappy. For whatever I did and any efforts I made I couldn’t become “normal”. Yes, that! What was more troubling was that I identified on some level with Satan. Hadn’t be also rejected from God and cast away to an eternal torment. But, unlike Satan, I was determined to return in God’s good books. But at around 8, I started experiencing the reality outside of the safety of the home. I met new people and different children. Many looked at me through their presumptions about my physical impairment and told me that I “inspired” them and given that troubling reassurance that I was bearing the “cross of Christ”. When I felt no different than other kids my age. But, in a way, I was.
The fact was that I was made to think. I dared to doubt. And, while a spiritual revolution was taking place in my mind, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t articulate it in a way others could understand it. I sought refuge in trying to find answers beyond me. I wanted to knoW WHY. wHY HAD MY BROTHER DIED BEFORE I COULD GET TO KNOW HIM? Why I was born this way? Why was God angry at me? Was I a saint walking on the footsteps of Christ or a sinner bearing the torment of a banished hell angel? Yes, I was happy then. But there was always that foreknowing that this life will end. And then what will become of me? And was there a God any way? Or were we at the mercy of a God who was like those Greek gods I read in some of my books that toyed around with human BEINGS AS IF THEY WERE PAWNS ON CHESS BOARD?
I THOUGHT AND THOUGHT. DURING THOSE COLD WINTER NIGHTS WHEN I LOOKED WITH AWE AT THE DARK SKY TINTED WITH SILVER STARS. THE SAME STARS THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS HAD STUDIED A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. THE SAME STARS THAT THE BIBLE SAYS HERALDED THE BIRTH OF THE JEWISH MESSIAH. THE SAME STARS THAT GUIDED SO MANY SEAFARERS. I was connected then with the past I shared with my ancestors. The same stars that were there at the beginning of the cosmos. The same stars but not yet the same. These are still stars that may not all be there today as their light takes millions of years to reach us. Stars are a connection with the past that is no longer there.
For a young boy, these thoughts were overwhelming. So many questions. So few answers. Many of which were incomplete or beyond my understanding. And yet, nobody in my life seemed to be asking why? People who claimed they were “people of faith” appeared to be interested in winning a place in heaven and saving their lives rather than living the spirit of love and compassion and reflecting on their lives. They weren’t asking about the wonders of this universe we find ourselves in. They weren’t asking themselves why they were the lucky ones to live on Earth in the first place.
But, yes, they were interested in making more money and searching for happiness in things that never lasted. Even their aspiration to gain heaven was motivated by a hope to experience pleasure and freedom from pain. Bt they forgot that heaven was now. What happens in the future is beyond our control. It’s only now that we can change the world. It’s only now that we can change ourselves. And, yes, I gradually became the adult I feared to become as a child. True, I tended to more open to different people because, I myself, had been judged simply for being different. Yet, many of those early attachments that I hoped to never acquire, I did acquire. So, I can’t really judge.
I may choose to go deeper into my past but I am restricted by time and space.I just wanted to share these memories as I keep growing in self-awareness. As I said in early posts, I am now on a journey of self-discovery. I am engaging more in Buddhist practice. I feel a sense of peace and happiness that I can’t really express using language. But, it’s there and it’s changing my life. For the better. I don’t expect for you to understand and I certainly don’t write to convert anyone to Buddhism and to take up a daily practice of meditation and mindfulness. I am just writing after reflecting on my own experience of life. At that, my experience of life is very limited when compared to the what one can experience in the longest of human lifetimes. It is also infinitesimal if you compare it to the age of the cosmos. But, yet, as insignificant as it might be, this life is really the only thing I have.
I end this entry here hoping. Hoping that tomorrow will come. That I will be still alive tomorrow. That the Earth will be here tomorrow. That those around me are still there with me. But there’s always the possibility of change. A change that isn’t necessarily bad but, at times, also necessary if we are to continue living. Yet, tomorrow remains only a hope and whether you’re a believer or non-believer, we all hold an irrational faith in a tomorrow.
With all good intentions, even those close to me wanted me to become “normal” and within a culture very influenced by religious sentimentality, I was prayed on and loved ones hoped for a “miracle” to happen. I was happy as a child but I was also unhappy. For whatever I did and any efforts I made I couldn’t become “normal”. Yes, that! What was more troubling was that I identified on some level with Satan. Hadn’t be also rejected from God and cast away to an eternal torment. But, unlike Satan, I was determined to return in God’s good books. But at around 8, I started experiencing the reality outside of the safety of the home. I met new people and different children. Many looked at me through their presumptions about my physical impairment and told me that I “inspired” them and given that troubling reassurance that I was bearing the “cross of Christ”. When I felt no different than other kids my age. But, in a way, I was.
The fact was that I was made to think. I dared to doubt. And, while a spiritual revolution was taking place in my mind, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t articulate it in a way others could understand it. I sought refuge in trying to find answers beyond me. I wanted to knoW WHY. wHY HAD MY BROTHER DIED BEFORE I COULD GET TO KNOW HIM? Why I was born this way? Why was God angry at me? Was I a saint walking on the footsteps of Christ or a sinner bearing the torment of a banished hell angel? Yes, I was happy then. But there was always that foreknowing that this life will end. And then what will become of me? And was there a God any way? Or were we at the mercy of a God who was like those Greek gods I read in some of my books that toyed around with human BEINGS AS IF THEY WERE PAWNS ON CHESS BOARD?
I THOUGHT AND THOUGHT. DURING THOSE COLD WINTER NIGHTS WHEN I LOOKED WITH AWE AT THE DARK SKY TINTED WITH SILVER STARS. THE SAME STARS THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS HAD STUDIED A THOUSAND YEARS AGO. THE SAME STARS THAT THE BIBLE SAYS HERALDED THE BIRTH OF THE JEWISH MESSIAH. THE SAME STARS THAT GUIDED SO MANY SEAFARERS. I was connected then with the past I shared with my ancestors. The same stars that were there at the beginning of the cosmos. The same stars but not yet the same. These are still stars that may not all be there today as their light takes millions of years to reach us. Stars are a connection with the past that is no longer there.
For a young boy, these thoughts were overwhelming. So many questions. So few answers. Many of which were incomplete or beyond my understanding. And yet, nobody in my life seemed to be asking why? People who claimed they were “people of faith” appeared to be interested in winning a place in heaven and saving their lives rather than living the spirit of love and compassion and reflecting on their lives. They weren’t asking about the wonders of this universe we find ourselves in. They weren’t asking themselves why they were the lucky ones to live on Earth in the first place.
But, yes, they were interested in making more money and searching for happiness in things that never lasted. Even their aspiration to gain heaven was motivated by a hope to experience pleasure and freedom from pain. Bt they forgot that heaven was now. What happens in the future is beyond our control. It’s only now that we can change the world. It’s only now that we can change ourselves. And, yes, I gradually became the adult I feared to become as a child. True, I tended to more open to different people because, I myself, had been judged simply for being different. Yet, many of those early attachments that I hoped to never acquire, I did acquire. So, I can’t really judge.
I may choose to go deeper into my past but I am restricted by time and space.I just wanted to share these memories as I keep growing in self-awareness. As I said in early posts, I am now on a journey of self-discovery. I am engaging more in Buddhist practice. I feel a sense of peace and happiness that I can’t really express using language. But, it’s there and it’s changing my life. For the better. I don’t expect for you to understand and I certainly don’t write to convert anyone to Buddhism and to take up a daily practice of meditation and mindfulness. I am just writing after reflecting on my own experience of life. At that, my experience of life is very limited when compared to the what one can experience in the longest of human lifetimes. It is also infinitesimal if you compare it to the age of the cosmos. But, yet, as insignificant as it might be, this life is really the only thing I have.
I end this entry here hoping. Hoping that tomorrow will come. That I will be still alive tomorrow. That the Earth will be here tomorrow. That those around me are still there with me. But there’s always the possibility of change. A change that isn’t necessarily bad but, at times, also necessary if we are to continue living. Yet, tomorrow remains only a hope and whether you’re a believer or non-believer, we all hold an irrational faith in a tomorrow.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
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