A Day of Rest?

First, a haiku:

 

Just a  day of rest

 

I hoped for but never got.

 

Perhaps tomorrow?

 

Now, a few thoughts…

 

I didn’t mean this entry to be long. I am tired and need to rest. Indeed, I’m planning to take time off work tomorrow and forget, for a day, about work or life in general. I plan to rest. I made this promise to myself so many times. But there’s always something that comes up. And I keep  postponing. 

 

In our fast moving world, we often find that we have less time to think and reflect. With all its progress, I find that technology does encourage us to be reactive rather than reflective. Instead of being witness to life, we are becoming passive and impulsive. It’s not all bad but I do feel that people in general are losing touch with the real world but are escaping into their virtual spaces.

 

Since I committed myself to a regular practice of meditation, I feel calmer and more   focused. I regained that childlike fascination with the world I thought I had forever lost. I do still revert   to the “adult mode” at times but I try to be more aware and, restrain myself from cynicism (with varied success). However, I believe that I’ve wasted a lot of my life pursuing that which wasn’t really important. Of course, I don’t expect any radical changes but these, indeed, may take some time.

 

There are so many values that I have claimed to hold true but didn’t entirely live up to. There are valid reasons for that. But you may call them excuses. I have claimed to be honest. to be kind. To be less judgmental. But I did falter over the years. I could blame external factors and, at times, these have been valid reasons for my actions. But we may hold on beliefs and world views that are essentially good and positive but persist in living a life that oftentimes contradicts the core beliefs that we claim to hold. 

 

So we have fundamentalists who restrict their world view to the extent that they and members of their chosen few are living rightly. Of course, I don’t expect you’re a fundamentalist reading this blog. But we do share aspects of fundamentalist belief in our life. We do sometimes hold to a “fundamentalism” based on science, philosophy and ideology. As a consequence,  we close ourselves to our own worlds and to our own values. Good as they may be, any value system that puts itself over all else and which excludes any others indiscriminately can be destructive

 

Nobody can change who we are - even  if they may break our spirits. It takes time and lots of practice but it’s necessary that we take the time to practice. To undertake our commitment to change. To take responsibility over our own lives. I’m not saying that it’s easy or that things will turn out well quickly. Indeed, life might get worse but, at the end of the day, we can be open and active in our pursuit of happiness. This, even to me, would have sounded unrealistic and just talk. But, then, I think it’s worth to try become a better person who lives in the present. One person who hasn’t forgotten to wonder at the world and the universe with child’s eyes that are supported by wisdom that grows from knowledge, experience and reflection.

 

On the end of another day, I am exhausted but at peace as the night approaches and the sky darkens. But, then again, there is the moon and the stars that offer hope that even in our darkest hours, there is still hope - however faint and weak. There is hope that fills our darkest skies  into masterpieces of the cosmos. But, how often, have we stopped and looked at the night sky? With my vision, I admit it’s difficult to make out the stars and perhaps I may catch a glimpse of the moon. But I recall the times in the late hours of the night looking at the night sky in awe. For, I really felt that I was nothing compared to what was out there. That our planet Earth was like a speck of sand lost in a boundless ocean. The memories are still there somewhere. But I am only now that I’m rediscovering the beauty of all that surrounds us. And while there were many nights we try to forget or intoxicate ourselves for the sake of fun and entertainment, we just miss to witness all this.

 

Day by day, I commit myself to grow in awareness. I want to be a more active participant in the world. I want to be more open to others. I will fail. Yet, every step forward is progress. Now it’s really time to sleep.  I will take more  time to rest tomorrow. In fact, I hope to rest for the whole day. Rest is important. If not for anything else, it will give me time to reflect, relax and recharge my mind and body. It’s a day when I hope to get more in touch with the world and to grow in my self-knowledge.

 

A hope…

 

Perhaps tomorrow will really be a day when I rest...

Being in Time

The question that I'll be asking here a lot is related to being or to who we are. I have been asking that question early on in my childhood. I would gaze at the heavens at night wondering at how little our planet was when compared to the vastness of the universe, the stars and the unknown beyond. And yet, I was here. Was there a reason?

I think these concerns grew stronger as I was painfully aware that this life would someday end. It was not a reassuring to realize, as a boy, that tomorrow may never come. That there will be a day when. When, what exactly? And even if we try to forget, the life we have today may end at any moment and without warning. That is life, or death really.

At the same time, this realization makes life ever more precious and our experience as human beings unique. We often view ourselves as if we were immortal and indestructible. As if we are separate from others. Indeed, we are bold enough to define ourselves as individuals. But, in reality, do we know who we are? Or do we think we know?

Let's face it, most of us do not choose our first names. I was called Gordon. And that name itself has a history and a legacy. I didn't choose my parents and didn't choose to be born. Even if I'm grateful of having my parents and of being alive. I didn't choose to be born in Malta. I could go on forever.

Neither do the ways I define myself can be regarded as purely my own. I am a son to my parents, a brother to my siblings, etc. But what would this mean if a family didn't exist? I am an employee, a student and a disabled person involved in activism. But what about the social, political and cultural leaps essential for these ways to describe ourselves to be possible? And, without the Internet and social media, would being a blogger make any sense?

And consider the millions of factors and conditions that were crucial in making now possible. From the fact that my parents decided to have you and me, that they survived these years to choosing each other. Not to mention their linage back to pre-history - even back to the first forms of life on planet Earth. What about the creation of the Earth itself? With the perfect conditions for life, including the position of our planet to the sun and the fact we have a moon.

And yet, it doesn't end there. The genesis of the universe with its matter and energy - all coming from a point so early in history that it defies our understanding. We may logically discount all these factors to mere luck. We may come up with a theory,or even a law, explaining everything that happened to the last detail.

Yet, these answers would go only so far as explaining How it happened, but not come close in enlightening us on why it happened. Ultimately, scientific enquiry on its own will not answer an essential question we were asking ourselves since we gained self-awareness.

What is the meaning of life?