A few hours from now it will be a new year. There have been a lot of things happening in the year that I’m leaving behind. I had my fair share of happy and difficult times. There were moments when I felt like crying and others when I was truly happy and at peace. I have learned a lot about myself over the last 365 days.. I have reflected about all the experiences that have shaken me and which touched me on a deeper level. I would be lying if I said that I have now all the answers but, what I can say is that the periods where I found the time to reflect and contemplate on the nature of existence has opened my awareness to a new reality.
Many of the things I learned I tried to record on the pages of this blog. I hope to have been faithful to my experiences. But, I admit, memory is what it is and how ever we try to reproduce it, we can never be totally sure that our memory reflects our real experience. Words, concepts and the world we built often shape the way we interpret our experience and how we view things. That why it is more important to be aware of ourselves because many times what we think is right and correct is but a product of other factors that create the illusion of order and continuity,.
I don’t intend this entry to be long. But I wonder what the next year will bring. There is so much that can happen. We live in a world full of uncertainty where nothing is permanent. We may think that how we look at things is complete and correct but we can never truly escape our past, our culture, our language and our history - to name just a few. We are intrinsically connected to those around us. We have much to learn about our world but we cannot learn that lot if we remain closed in our comfortable view of the world without thinking about the important things in life.
I will continue writing over the next year. Yet, there is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow or in the coming days, weeks or months. This is not being pessimistic or gloomy. It is being realistic. It is a reason to appreciate the life we have and to make a real effort to grow in understanding and to cultivate our compassion to other people. After all, we all face the same human experience of life,. A similar desire for peace and happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Reflections on a Waning Flame
It’s already 2 days since the world has celebrated Christmas. It’s also a few days to the festivities related to the new year. This year will be a year that some of us have heard before given its association with the Mayan prophecy foretelling a radical change in human history that should take place by the end of December 2012. There have been mixed reactions with the interpretations of this rediscovered Mayan prophecy based on the ancient Mayan calendar. But, in truth, we didn’t need a prophecy to come to the conclusion that our world and universe will not last forever. Yet, our fear and attachment to the material world is triggered whenever we sense a threat to our existence. It is a natural and human response.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
I know this is a season when we should celebrate a rebirth. Whether it’s a Christian reading of a child who came here to spread the good news that there is hope or, else, take on such a theme in a context of more secular context. Although there are important differences between the religious and secular readings of Christmas, this season has been interpreted as an occasion of renewal and change, reconciliation and communion. Unfortunately, the motivations behind our actions during this season have been sometimes less than positive or peaceful - especially when religion, on the one hand, becomes a weapon onf control and submission and hate of religion becomes a new form of repressing the human need for spiritual fulfilment. It is sad but true that we tend to impose our world view on others because we are convinced that we are right and correct in the way we view the world and reality.
However, the experiences and reflections that have been the focus of my thoughts have opened to me a new reality. In the process, only recently I discover how much more there is still much more to learn. As I add entries to this blog exploring the nature of reality, I am constantly learning about the world and reality and am increasingly realising that I’ve still got much more to share over the next year. And whether December 2012 will be the end of the world, I feel there is a profound and important truth that I have to discover in order to put my mind at rest. For as I come face-to-face with parts of who I am which are difficult or uncomfortable to deal with, I understand that by escaping from them or avoiding them, I will not grow in my understanding of reality and of human experience.
I return to the title of this post and reflect on the dwindling flame on our home gas heater. As the flame slowly dies out, its heat eventually diminishes to the point when I can still the coldness that was in the room. While I start feeling cold again, I also become aware of the cold air that had been surrounding me all this time. With a certain sadness, I realise that eventually this is the future of all there is. An eventual decline of matter. A progressive stasis and immobility of all things that we know of. And yet, there is a strange hope that emerges out of this seeming despair. The possibility of change. But, what is different here, is that to bring about change, we are required to pay attention to he reality around s and be prepared to transcend our preconceptions about the world.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Promises of Pain
Last Monday, I was given the bad news by my dentist that three teeth had simultaneously suffered a traumatic event and needed to be extracted as early as possible. Worse still, I was told that I could only have local anaesthetic for the procedure. I had hoped that since the extractions will be substantial and stressful to my body, I hoped that general anaesthesia will be an option. Over the last four days since I was informed that, one day or another in the next few weeks, I had to return to the dentist to have this procedure done, my thoughts have been preoccupied by the prospect of having this procedure. More precisely, I would imagine the pain I will have to endure. Even when I gathered my mind to meditate, my mind returned to this concern.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
From then on, the good things that happened in my life and are happening right now have been overshadowed by this dental procedure I need to undergo soon. It’s funny, when you think about it, that my teeth could exert such power over me. But, then, this boils down to the idea of interdependence - in this case, the mutual dependence of all parts of the body and mind. Indeed, no organ or system can function to its full potential if just one part of the body wasn’t working as it should. Then again, as a disabled person with a physical and visual impairment, I also know that there is such a thing as adaptability. It’s here that I realise that, as with other things, the body is always in the process of change and decay.Yet, in no way does that diminish my humanity. For, at the end of the day, this has taught me humility that, in the past, I would consider a sign of weakness.
In a way, I was justified following years of being belittled and depicted as dependent. After all, I wanted to be seen as strong, autonomous and independent as a person. But now, I realise that I have gone over to the other extreme. I now came to understand what the middle way the Buddha taught actually meant. It is a realisation that, as humans, we remain dependent on each other - or interdependent. Those who think that they are in total control of their life are living a delusional existence. For, do they make their own clothes? Do they catch their own food or cultivate the crop? Do they build their own houses and take care of their plumbing or electricity? Ultimately, are they ready to live in total isolation from other people?
I hear you asking what all this have to do with my dental procedure. Until now, I was ruled by fear of the pain I would surely have to endure. I don’t know really how or when, but now I realise that my any pain that I might experience, even if not desirable, connects me to my humanity. My experience, yes, will be individual but not unique. As I write this, many millions are suffering pain, mental anguish and isolation. Others are dying or at the last moments of their life. There’s nothing pleasurable or nice about suffering. Yet, if there is anything to learn from it is that it’s something we share with everybody - irrespective of class, race, gender, age, creed, belief, lifestyle or disability. We are connected in this way. And, although it’s not easy to do, pain and suffering can only be overcome if we deal with them as they come - not denying them or inflating them. Whether we like it or not, pain is a form of suffering that is part of the human condition. It’s up to us to ensure that it doesn’t take control over our life.
As I will probably undergo my dental procedure in the next weeks, I hope that all will go well and that I get through with minimal pain and stress. I wish to avoid unnecessary suffering if I can. What I can say that the promise of a future pain has helped me to reach out to others and try to transcend my own personal concern. The promise of pain is helping me realise that I can’t go on feeding my fear but that I need to face the pain when it arises. The promise of pain has made me more human.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Living in Denial
The moments that I stop from my daily routine and sit in silence as I meditate have been unique. They are times of the day when I simply retreat to an inner place. Usually I try to set aside some time before sleeping to practice. I can't really explain what goes in my mind as I attempt to find peace and tranquility of mind. It's not rare that I find my thoughts shifting to other matters that relate to my life, such as things I have to do, things I need to check or emails I need to send. At other times, I find I discover within a profound sense of peace or, at times, a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction with the way things are.
Perhaps a common misconception people have of meditation is that it is an escape from reality and an attempt to annihilate the self. Yet, what meditation does, or at least ought to do, is to make you more aware of who you are and to be mindful of ultimate reality. It encourages you to deal with a reality that is often taken for granted or even denied. Other than an escape from reality, it brings you closer to a deeper appreciation of the world, nature and life itself. It places the self in a context that is universal, connected to the world and others and affirms our common human experiences of disease, old age and death. It doesn't deny the self but emphasises that the self doesn't exist out of its own will but exists because there are conditions ranging from the most basic such as food and water to the more complex such as society and culture.
Unfortunately, we are becoming detached from the full human experience. Technology is becoming a source to escape from dealing with the real world. Yet, technology is not the problem but, I think, it's rather our desire to escape a reality that can be sometimes unpleasant or even painful. It is a natural fear of the unknown that resides beyond the reality of death and human suffering. We hide the sick and dying in institutions and, worse still, we avoid to be in the presence of those who are experiencing unavoidable suffering. It's as if the reality of our own fragility and mortality exposes us to the fact that, despite our social, political, religious or cultural differences, we cannot escape death.
Until we come to a point where we are aware and accepting of this reality, life will appear meaningless struggle which we strive to escape from. On the other hand, embracing our essential commonality as living beings enriches our lives and brings happiness to our daily life. First, of course, we must stop living in denial.
Perhaps a common misconception people have of meditation is that it is an escape from reality and an attempt to annihilate the self. Yet, what meditation does, or at least ought to do, is to make you more aware of who you are and to be mindful of ultimate reality. It encourages you to deal with a reality that is often taken for granted or even denied. Other than an escape from reality, it brings you closer to a deeper appreciation of the world, nature and life itself. It places the self in a context that is universal, connected to the world and others and affirms our common human experiences of disease, old age and death. It doesn't deny the self but emphasises that the self doesn't exist out of its own will but exists because there are conditions ranging from the most basic such as food and water to the more complex such as society and culture.
Unfortunately, we are becoming detached from the full human experience. Technology is becoming a source to escape from dealing with the real world. Yet, technology is not the problem but, I think, it's rather our desire to escape a reality that can be sometimes unpleasant or even painful. It is a natural fear of the unknown that resides beyond the reality of death and human suffering. We hide the sick and dying in institutions and, worse still, we avoid to be in the presence of those who are experiencing unavoidable suffering. It's as if the reality of our own fragility and mortality exposes us to the fact that, despite our social, political, religious or cultural differences, we cannot escape death.
Until we come to a point where we are aware and accepting of this reality, life will appear meaningless struggle which we strive to escape from. On the other hand, embracing our essential commonality as living beings enriches our lives and brings happiness to our daily life. First, of course, we must stop living in denial.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
A Meditation on Being and Doing
I have been reflecting a lot about my life in the last months and I must admit that I have grown in my understanding of what in life is really important. Once again, I come to that point where I ask myself where I’m going with my life. Questions like: Am I living the life I based on what I believe in? And, if my actions do not reflect who I believe I am, doesn’t that make the idea of who I am untrue or a deluded one? Can I maintain that who I am and what I do are two separate things and shouldn’t be mixed up?
In simple terms, I feel that what I do isn’t always a reflection of what I claim to value or believe in. Of course, there are factors that remain out of my control. But, then, there are many other things that I just avoided dealing with or hoped that they would somehow resolve themselves with time. Indeed, some issues do resolve themselves in time - and really only solved in time. But, there are other issues that will not go away on their own. Issues that involve the very core of my being. The sadness that comes with the realisation that I’m not doing enough or that my actions aren’t consistent with my values. And here is the dilemma. If my actions do not reflect my potential, am I really what I think I am?
The fact is that I want more than life I’m getting right now. Life is too short for me to preoccupy myself with things that, although important, are not ends in themselves. Things I already mentioned before, such as possessions, social positions or reputation. They will, like everything else, come to pass. They are impermanent. I won’t carry them after I die. What really matters is what I do and how I live my life. A life that, to be honest, is the only experience of being that I have experienced and can rlate to. For, if what I do manifests itself as opposite to who I am, what does that make me? If I didn’t try to be consistent with my values in my words, thoughts and actions, then can I truly claim that I believe in, for instance, truth, justice and compassion as part of what makes me who I am?
There is no simple answer to questions relating to one’s purpose in life. There have been many paths I followed which turned out to be blind alleys. It’s perhaps now that I’m waking up to a new awareness that I need to take greater responsibility over my own life. For, at the end of it all, it’s not what people think that matters but what you think of yourself. And if you fail trying, there’s that knowledge that you tried. But it has to be a sincere attempt to grow. A decision to make that shift from harbouring an idea of who you are to manifesting that being.
In simple terms, I feel that what I do isn’t always a reflection of what I claim to value or believe in. Of course, there are factors that remain out of my control. But, then, there are many other things that I just avoided dealing with or hoped that they would somehow resolve themselves with time. Indeed, some issues do resolve themselves in time - and really only solved in time. But, there are other issues that will not go away on their own. Issues that involve the very core of my being. The sadness that comes with the realisation that I’m not doing enough or that my actions aren’t consistent with my values. And here is the dilemma. If my actions do not reflect my potential, am I really what I think I am?
The fact is that I want more than life I’m getting right now. Life is too short for me to preoccupy myself with things that, although important, are not ends in themselves. Things I already mentioned before, such as possessions, social positions or reputation. They will, like everything else, come to pass. They are impermanent. I won’t carry them after I die. What really matters is what I do and how I live my life. A life that, to be honest, is the only experience of being that I have experienced and can rlate to. For, if what I do manifests itself as opposite to who I am, what does that make me? If I didn’t try to be consistent with my values in my words, thoughts and actions, then can I truly claim that I believe in, for instance, truth, justice and compassion as part of what makes me who I am?
There is no simple answer to questions relating to one’s purpose in life. There have been many paths I followed which turned out to be blind alleys. It’s perhaps now that I’m waking up to a new awareness that I need to take greater responsibility over my own life. For, at the end of it all, it’s not what people think that matters but what you think of yourself. And if you fail trying, there’s that knowledge that you tried. But it has to be a sincere attempt to grow. A decision to make that shift from harbouring an idea of who you are to manifesting that being.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Trivial Pursuit
We all seek to be happy and to find peace. Yet, many of us struggle to sustain a state of peace and happiness for much long. We are often taken up by factors present in the world around us. We often trust that our peace and happiness will come from the money we make, our social standing, the things we possess and our reputation (((to name just a few). We attempt to search for peace and happiness in external things which like a toy that, following our initial excitement and joy, joins the rest of the pile of old toys because we have outgrown it or have set our minds on something else.
The fact is that we cannot find any long lasting peace and happiness in external things. You must have heard this before but the way we live appears to suggest we don’t believe it. Instead, we believe that having more, achieving fame and fortune, acquiring goods and possessions, etc will bring about a life of peace and happiness. Sadly, I am not immune from this delusion myself. Many were the things I thought would improve my life and make me happy. Many were the things I believed would be solutions. But, when I think about it, these external objects were not the solutions to my problems. They only served to quench my desire for a short time, leaving behind them broken hopes and aspirations.
I believe that the main reason we fill our lives with what is external to us is because we feel empty inside. As a result, we fuel our desire for peace and happiness by wrongly attaching ourselves to objects we think we have power over or which we think we can control. But ironically, it is these objects through our attachment to them that end up conditioning our lives. They don’t control our lives but it is we who choose to let them rule over our lives. In this way, we give them an existence that they do not have in their own right. In believing that they can give us happiness or peace, we provide them with qualities they do not possess. Once we truly appreciate the implication of this realisation of the emptiness of things, the more we can understand how searching for happiness outside of ourselves is but a pointless and trivial pursuit.
The fact is that we cannot find any long lasting peace and happiness in external things. You must have heard this before but the way we live appears to suggest we don’t believe it. Instead, we believe that having more, achieving fame and fortune, acquiring goods and possessions, etc will bring about a life of peace and happiness. Sadly, I am not immune from this delusion myself. Many were the things I thought would improve my life and make me happy. Many were the things I believed would be solutions. But, when I think about it, these external objects were not the solutions to my problems. They only served to quench my desire for a short time, leaving behind them broken hopes and aspirations.
I believe that the main reason we fill our lives with what is external to us is because we feel empty inside. As a result, we fuel our desire for peace and happiness by wrongly attaching ourselves to objects we think we have power over or which we think we can control. But ironically, it is these objects through our attachment to them that end up conditioning our lives. They don’t control our lives but it is we who choose to let them rule over our lives. In this way, we give them an existence that they do not have in their own right. In believing that they can give us happiness or peace, we provide them with qualities they do not possess. Once we truly appreciate the implication of this realisation of the emptiness of things, the more we can understand how searching for happiness outside of ourselves is but a pointless and trivial pursuit.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
The Fruits of Cooperation
When I was still a teenager, I participated in a simple enough team building exercise. A balloon was tied to our legs and the only instruction we received was to make sure that we preserved our balloon for five minutes. The person who still had a balloon tied to his or her leg after five minutes,won the game. At the time, I could still walk but it I couldn't compete with others. As the exercise started, every one proceeded to burst the other's balloon. I don't recall how long my balloon remained intact but it didn't take long I am sure. By the end of the exercise, all balloons were burst and no one had saved the balloon. While this exercise might seem childish, as I reflect more on the concept of interdependence, the more I realise how this simple exercise speaks volumes about human nature that is under the illusion that it's independent of others and which believes that it exists in its own right.
Like the participants in the balloon exercise, we assume that the only way to make it through life is to be better than others. That by resorting to any means to get what we want, we will gain happiness. True, we may feel happy and proud of having prevailed after winning over our competition but are we really winners? What if we made sure that our happiness doesn't have to come at the expense of others' happiness? Indeed, what if we helped in enriching the lives of others by making sure they find their own happiness? That we help them gain freedom from suffering created by a belief that the only happiness can be attained if they had it for themselves? or for a select few? These are not easy questions and in today's world, with its stress on individuality and competition, it might be unfashionable to speak of community and cooperation.
In this sense, our lives are not that different from the situation faced in the balloon exercise. In an attempt to preserve our happiness and protect our identity, we assume that the only way to be happy is by having something more than our neighbour. When, if you think about it, if we just waited those five minutes without bursting our peer's balloons, we could have all been winners! But it only took one to start the havoc. Perhaps it can take one person to start the change for the better. And this person may be you or me.
It's really our choice...
Like the participants in the balloon exercise, we assume that the only way to make it through life is to be better than others. That by resorting to any means to get what we want, we will gain happiness. True, we may feel happy and proud of having prevailed after winning over our competition but are we really winners? What if we made sure that our happiness doesn't have to come at the expense of others' happiness? Indeed, what if we helped in enriching the lives of others by making sure they find their own happiness? That we help them gain freedom from suffering created by a belief that the only happiness can be attained if they had it for themselves? or for a select few? These are not easy questions and in today's world, with its stress on individuality and competition, it might be unfashionable to speak of community and cooperation.
In this sense, our lives are not that different from the situation faced in the balloon exercise. In an attempt to preserve our happiness and protect our identity, we assume that the only way to be happy is by having something more than our neighbour. When, if you think about it, if we just waited those five minutes without bursting our peer's balloons, we could have all been winners! But it only took one to start the havoc. Perhaps it can take one person to start the change for the better. And this person may be you or me.
It's really our choice...
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Mind Quakes
My life hasn’t been going that well lately. I admit that all of a sudden life became rather insignificant and too much. I have developed a painful ringing of the ears since I fell. I’m not sure if this episode of a phenomenon called “tinnitus”“ was in any way related to my fall. But, nonetheless, the moments when I feel sick and everything seems to be moving around me. As if I was falling and losing balance is a nightmare. Add to that, a cruel ringing in the ears where you can sometimes hear your heart beating or your teeth rubbing against each other. Believe me, I am still afraid of the moment an attack might strike. Unfortunately, I have been staying at home for some weeks now, first because of my injury and now because of this.
It’s only recently that I am starting to dedicate my time to other things apart from resting. I did start short time in silence, wondering what has happened. It’s always more than the fall or the tinnitus. I don’t know the answers but there is a sense of inadequacy and of not fitting in attached to all this. There is no denying that physical factors are present but they exist only in relation to a much complex reality that we often are unaware of or simply avoid dealing with. This experience has enforced my understanding of impermanence and how I can’t afford to put my faith in what I know will not last forever. I believe that plans are, of course, important and essential to live in our world. However, as a Yiddish proverb goes, “Man makes plans and God laughs!”, We can only goes so far as planning for the future but, ultimately, we must be prepared.
I have been reminded once again that nothing lasts forever. My fears and darkness that lingers on in my life right now will cease as it has come. Luckily, I won’t fall again in the process. But, seriously, inasmuch as these are words to encourage myself to go on and hope, they are a clear message that is intended for all those who are currently facing a difficult situation. Those for whom life appears to be a meaningless routine that is more of a dread as each day passes. Yes, I know what it means to feel like living for nothing, of going on without a sense of purpose and direction. Indeed, I am still there in a way. But I am choosing to move on. To believe that you can take charge of your self may be deemed delusional or impossible. Yes, it looks that way but the only delusion is believing that you can live without others, that you can overcome the process of life without pain and suffering.
Inasmuch as I cannot escape the fact of biology, I can and will do my best to address the pains caused by thought processes that are destructive and harmful. Instead, while it appears of little significance, I must remember that even if sometimes it appears that I’m living for nothing, the fact that I am still breathing is in itself a miracle of sorts. It is up to me to make the best of it. Even when the mind quakes.
It’s only recently that I am starting to dedicate my time to other things apart from resting. I did start short time in silence, wondering what has happened. It’s always more than the fall or the tinnitus. I don’t know the answers but there is a sense of inadequacy and of not fitting in attached to all this. There is no denying that physical factors are present but they exist only in relation to a much complex reality that we often are unaware of or simply avoid dealing with. This experience has enforced my understanding of impermanence and how I can’t afford to put my faith in what I know will not last forever. I believe that plans are, of course, important and essential to live in our world. However, as a Yiddish proverb goes, “Man makes plans and God laughs!”, We can only goes so far as planning for the future but, ultimately, we must be prepared.
I have been reminded once again that nothing lasts forever. My fears and darkness that lingers on in my life right now will cease as it has come. Luckily, I won’t fall again in the process. But, seriously, inasmuch as these are words to encourage myself to go on and hope, they are a clear message that is intended for all those who are currently facing a difficult situation. Those for whom life appears to be a meaningless routine that is more of a dread as each day passes. Yes, I know what it means to feel like living for nothing, of going on without a sense of purpose and direction. Indeed, I am still there in a way. But I am choosing to move on. To believe that you can take charge of your self may be deemed delusional or impossible. Yes, it looks that way but the only delusion is believing that you can live without others, that you can overcome the process of life without pain and suffering.
Inasmuch as I cannot escape the fact of biology, I can and will do my best to address the pains caused by thought processes that are destructive and harmful. Instead, while it appears of little significance, I must remember that even if sometimes it appears that I’m living for nothing, the fact that I am still breathing is in itself a miracle of sorts. It is up to me to make the best of it. Even when the mind quakes.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
OnBeing Stuck
Life can be so unpredictable. Only three weeks ago, I felt that life was finally taking a good turn for the best. I was happy and looked forward to life ahead. But, then, I had a bad fall. I found myself on the floor, crying in pain, as I became aware that I had somehow fallen a step on my side with my wheelchair standing not more than a metre away. I couldn’t understand how it happen. But it surely did. And I’m experiencing the effects of this moment of distraction as I write about it now. In many ways, it all seems to be an unjust betrayal - as if there could be some ill will behind this situation.
I know that one day, all this will be over. In fact, I could almost laugh about it all. But now, it seems to be an event that cannot disappear because its memory still manifests itself through my pain and discomfort. I can, however, take comfort in the fact that, despite the darkness that appears to fill my days, , there will be a tomorrow. I should know by now that nothing lasts for ever. While we cherish those times of joy and happiness of our life, they can cease to be. Suddenly without warning.
I type this with difficulty and not without some effort. But, then again, it’s this time when everything appears to be so hard and change so elusive that you appreciate the simplest of things. Like the chorus of birds in the early morning. The sweet smell of a fresh cup of tea. The message of a friend wishing you were well again. The music that you have listened to before but really never really understood. The miracle of life which prompts you to ask of why you are here and how come, in spite of all odds, you’re still here.
Perhaps it appears to be something we take for granted - this life. But when you consider that even a single act of breathing is possible only because of so many factors working in harmony. Factors, we may be unaware of, but which are intrinsically dependent on one another. The muscles in our chest… The air that gives us life… And so on and so forth! I dare say, this chain of factors could be tracked back to the origin of the universe itself. And then, you wonder, whether you really have the right to complain about the things that may be going wrong. You put the feeling of frustration and depression into perspective.
I hope that tomorrow will be a better day. I can’t avoid being aware of my pain and suffering that appears to be inescapable. I can’t pretend not to wish it was different. But, at the same time, I realise that I cannot live in the future. I cannot even change the past. I only have the present now. It’s now that I can really make a difference to my life. It’s only now that I can shape the future. For, at the end of the day, the future is unknown and, indeed, may never happen. The only certainty can be found in the present moment.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Who do you think you are?
If I had to ask you to define who you are, are you ready with an answer? The truth is that many live our life without asking this fundamental question. We seem to lose the ability to wonder at the beauty of the world that surrounds us. It appears as if we get used to the environment and people around us that we take them for granted. As if we have a claim to all we have. Or, what we think we have. This is perhaps one of the misfortunes of adulthood. Believing that we are independent of everything and everyone else.
Despite our belief in free will, we cannot escape the fact that we also define ourselves by our community, political and religious convictions and many more. In this sense, our independence of thought is, essentially, not as independent as we might wish to presume. There are also other factors that we have little control over, such as our height, skin colour, sex, and physical and mental functions. But then again, it’s difficult to explain why do we treat people on the basis on how they look or behave.
Unless, of course, we admit that we cannot define who we are outside of relationships. In other words, who we are must be defined in terms of a relation we have to another person or object. Our sense of being is dependent on language, culture and thinking itself. Without our body, who would we be? All this appears to offer us a bleak picture of life because, especially in Western thought, we have grown with the idea that we are independent and autonomous beings. The idea that this self-image is incorrect is devastating to a culture that professes an “I” in his/her own right.
Here, I must admit that living with my impairments has made me realise how dependent I was on others in different ways. Ironically, I also realised how some of those “others” were disabling me by treating me differently and placing obstacles that prevented me from expressing my full potential. And now that I have a social life, work and a purpose in life, I am realising how stupidI was to aim for a ‘normality’, for an ‘independence’ and ‘autonomy’. When, now that I reflect, no one who makes a claim to his/her normality, independence and autonomy is really aware of all the conditions that had to be in place for this life to continue.
For the miracle of life isn’t much in any extraordinary supernatural event but in the very fact that we are alive in the first place. And that our inevitable reality of interdependence and the impossibility of being independent makes me realise how much we owe to the person who makes sure we have electricity, the person who prepares the bread we eat, the tea cultivators who collect the tea leaves, the person who built my bed, and do many other people who have made this moment possible.
We may not be able to change what others think of us. We may even have little control over our environment. But we can take charge off our mind if we are willing to take the time to cultivate our awareness. Then, the question about who we are becomes irrelevant. Instead, we will start asking the right questions which only we can answer.
Despite our belief in free will, we cannot escape the fact that we also define ourselves by our community, political and religious convictions and many more. In this sense, our independence of thought is, essentially, not as independent as we might wish to presume. There are also other factors that we have little control over, such as our height, skin colour, sex, and physical and mental functions. But then again, it’s difficult to explain why do we treat people on the basis on how they look or behave.
Unless, of course, we admit that we cannot define who we are outside of relationships. In other words, who we are must be defined in terms of a relation we have to another person or object. Our sense of being is dependent on language, culture and thinking itself. Without our body, who would we be? All this appears to offer us a bleak picture of life because, especially in Western thought, we have grown with the idea that we are independent and autonomous beings. The idea that this self-image is incorrect is devastating to a culture that professes an “I” in his/her own right.
Here, I must admit that living with my impairments has made me realise how dependent I was on others in different ways. Ironically, I also realised how some of those “others” were disabling me by treating me differently and placing obstacles that prevented me from expressing my full potential. And now that I have a social life, work and a purpose in life, I am realising how stupidI was to aim for a ‘normality’, for an ‘independence’ and ‘autonomy’. When, now that I reflect, no one who makes a claim to his/her normality, independence and autonomy is really aware of all the conditions that had to be in place for this life to continue.
For the miracle of life isn’t much in any extraordinary supernatural event but in the very fact that we are alive in the first place. And that our inevitable reality of interdependence and the impossibility of being independent makes me realise how much we owe to the person who makes sure we have electricity, the person who prepares the bread we eat, the tea cultivators who collect the tea leaves, the person who built my bed, and do many other people who have made this moment possible.
We may not be able to change what others think of us. We may even have little control over our environment. But we can take charge off our mind if we are willing to take the time to cultivate our awareness. Then, the question about who we are becomes irrelevant. Instead, we will start asking the right questions which only we can answer.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Endings...
Tomorrow will be the last morning at our summer house. Making the move here on the 1st July was hard. I’ve got to make new arrangements, pack my stuff and start getting used (again) to a different routine. It’s a move our family undertakes every summer. To be honest, when July approaches I know that soon I have to adapt to our summer house with all the good and bad things it brings into my life.
I think that part of me still resists change. Especially when it means sleeping in a room that you know can never be your own. If you live in a place that is only a temporary shelter and, thus, you cannot get yourself to call it a “home”. Then comes the trouble with getting accustomed to a lifestyle that you thought was part of the past. It can be difficult, yes, to push yourself to change and adapt knowing that In a few months you’ll have to unlearn everything and return to your old life.
I suspect that we overlook how much our homes can affect who we are. Of course, it’s not just about the material environment but also about the emotional significance we attach to our homes. For, in reality, much of what makes a home a home and a house a house isn’t the furniture or structure of our residences but the memories that we associate with things and places. In this sense, we endow our homes or houses with qualities that do not exist outside our minds.
As I prepare for my last night in this house, I realise that it’s not only my reluctance to change that was the problem. After all, during my short lifetime, I have had to make changes and adapt to new environments and accept the fact that I may have to be admitted for a number of days at the hospital. In a way, I got to live like a nomad - travelling to our summer house when the weather gets hot and packing for hospital when my body goes on a health strike. Indeed, my reluctance to move was rooted in the days I spent as a child at this house where I had to spend the summer without television or my comforts at home.
In retrospect, it was perhaps in this very house where my oldest brother David died, that I started reflecting on life and own mortality. It was here that I tasted what it’s like to play on the streets with other children around my neighbourhood. It was also here the conservative Catholic priests preaching about sin and how impairment was the product of sin - of human’s disobedience. There was the source of my pain that appeared to erase all the good memories as I wondered whether I had a physical impairment out of divine punishment. It was then that I started to doubt and really ask myself who I was. Put in that light, my childhood negative experiences have helped me to be who I am today.
Yes, this is an ending to a stay that I believed I didn’t want but which now appears I much needed. Tomorrow I should be back at my old home. But I learned a lot after reflecting on my experiences at this summer house. I believed that when it this day would come. I would be free. Yet, there’s a lingering sadness that there is an ending here. On the other hand, I am also reminded of the fact that my life and that of others is very much like a nomadic journey. While I knew when my particular journey will end and start, I still had to prepare for the next trip. The only difference is that life can end at any minute and while it’s good to make plans for the future, we can’t live for the future.
Besides, an ending also marks a new beginning. The beginning of a new life which is in itself always ending and beginning all the time. Perhaps it’s also a good opportunity to start calling my “summer house”, my “summer home”. It’s a change of words, I know, and the building hasn’t changed structurally. But, in some respect, it has changed on a radical level.
In my mind!
I think that part of me still resists change. Especially when it means sleeping in a room that you know can never be your own. If you live in a place that is only a temporary shelter and, thus, you cannot get yourself to call it a “home”. Then comes the trouble with getting accustomed to a lifestyle that you thought was part of the past. It can be difficult, yes, to push yourself to change and adapt knowing that In a few months you’ll have to unlearn everything and return to your old life.
I suspect that we overlook how much our homes can affect who we are. Of course, it’s not just about the material environment but also about the emotional significance we attach to our homes. For, in reality, much of what makes a home a home and a house a house isn’t the furniture or structure of our residences but the memories that we associate with things and places. In this sense, we endow our homes or houses with qualities that do not exist outside our minds.
As I prepare for my last night in this house, I realise that it’s not only my reluctance to change that was the problem. After all, during my short lifetime, I have had to make changes and adapt to new environments and accept the fact that I may have to be admitted for a number of days at the hospital. In a way, I got to live like a nomad - travelling to our summer house when the weather gets hot and packing for hospital when my body goes on a health strike. Indeed, my reluctance to move was rooted in the days I spent as a child at this house where I had to spend the summer without television or my comforts at home.
In retrospect, it was perhaps in this very house where my oldest brother David died, that I started reflecting on life and own mortality. It was here that I tasted what it’s like to play on the streets with other children around my neighbourhood. It was also here the conservative Catholic priests preaching about sin and how impairment was the product of sin - of human’s disobedience. There was the source of my pain that appeared to erase all the good memories as I wondered whether I had a physical impairment out of divine punishment. It was then that I started to doubt and really ask myself who I was. Put in that light, my childhood negative experiences have helped me to be who I am today.
Yes, this is an ending to a stay that I believed I didn’t want but which now appears I much needed. Tomorrow I should be back at my old home. But I learned a lot after reflecting on my experiences at this summer house. I believed that when it this day would come. I would be free. Yet, there’s a lingering sadness that there is an ending here. On the other hand, I am also reminded of the fact that my life and that of others is very much like a nomadic journey. While I knew when my particular journey will end and start, I still had to prepare for the next trip. The only difference is that life can end at any minute and while it’s good to make plans for the future, we can’t live for the future.
Besides, an ending also marks a new beginning. The beginning of a new life which is in itself always ending and beginning all the time. Perhaps it’s also a good opportunity to start calling my “summer house”, my “summer home”. It’s a change of words, I know, and the building hasn’t changed structurally. But, in some respect, it has changed on a radical level.
In my mind!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Personal Meditation on the Body and Attachment
The practice of meditation is making me more aware of whom I am. I can say that now I feel more in control of my thoughts and feelings. Indeed, that’s what mindfulness is all about. Taking responsibility for how you react to the world around you. While you can’t help feeling how you feel at times or the way you think – especially in particular situations where you react because you have strong opinions and emotions about a specific topic, if you are aware of what is going on through your mind at that moment, there’s a greater chance you can control your reaction.
Being mindful, I soon realised was not that easy as I thought. It requires a certain degree of self-discipline but it’s worth every effort. I admit that it’s difficult to keep from reacting in the manner you’ve grown used to for years. Yes, there were occasions when I let anger or resentment, for example, get the better of me. That is why I feel it's important for me to find a time to contemplate on my life in the wider context of my human existence. For as I delve deeper into self-awareness, I am realising how much my self is influenced by society and my background. But I was still caught rather off guard when my reflections took me back to my childhood. To the darker times of my early life.
Don't get me wrong - I had a happy childhood. But one thing bothered me. My body – the fact I had a mobility impairment. In truth, my impairment didn’t worry me that much until the age of 5 or 6. By that age, I had adapted to my impairment and found no real problems with the fact I walked differently. However, as I started attending school, I noticed that mostly the adults around me treated me differently –. In time, I understood that people had an issue with the fact I walked perhaps in an odd way.
Slowly but surely, my greatest desire was to walk like the other boys in my class. Since we present ourselves to the world through our bodies, if our bodies are rejected or considered 'inferior', it's inevitable that we also feel rejected as persons. Indeed, my greatest suffering wasn't caused by my impairment but with the fact that society appeared to exclude me as a person. Indeed, as a young boy, I started to believe that I was the problem. I had to change.
The fact that these ideas were reinforced by science, on the one hand, and religion, on the other, left me with a deep sense of guilt. I wanted to improve. I wanted to walk properly. Was I doing enough? Was I praying well? Was I being punished for a sin I did? Was I letting my family and loved ones down? Was I really deep down, a bad boy? All these thoughts fuelled further my desire to walk properly without tiring so much. With all the good intentions, even my family thought that my life would be much better if I could walk like other children. I was made to undergo physiotherapy, attend a faith healing service and, yes, was taken to Lourdes when very young to be 'cured'. I was holy, sinful, broken, deformed, inspirational etc etc All at the same time!!
Now that I thought I had grown out of all this I discover that there's still part of me that thinks I am not good enough because I have an impairment. Make those 2 impairments. And while it's painful to know that I am still affected by the exclusion I felt as a child and my attempts to be like other children, it's also a liberating experience. For that I have become aware of my attachment to an idea of a 'perfectly' working body and while I cannot undo the past, I can let go of this clinging that I realise is still there in my mind.
For, at the end of the day, by hoping against hope that I can walk again, would be hoping for the impossible. It would be like throwing a ball and wishing that it would rise up instead of falling down. It would be like believing that by simply having faith, you can go against the laws of nature. It would be like believing that we will get healthier or stronger as we age. It would be like putting all your energy on an unrealistic goal. While I can't completely discard the possibility of miracles, I believe that we cannot live our lives expecting one to happen.
After all, as I am learning from my meditation, our life often passes us by but we often miss noticing it. We are too absorbed in our own inner minds. We tend to be trapped in a cycle of action and reaction with little time to think about those around us. Until it's too late.
Living a life without contemplating our existence can only guarantee that we don't even get to know who we really are. And, surely, that is the greatest tragedy of all as we remain stuck in a false reality chained to our ignorance, desire and attachment.
Being mindful, I soon realised was not that easy as I thought. It requires a certain degree of self-discipline but it’s worth every effort. I admit that it’s difficult to keep from reacting in the manner you’ve grown used to for years. Yes, there were occasions when I let anger or resentment, for example, get the better of me. That is why I feel it's important for me to find a time to contemplate on my life in the wider context of my human existence. For as I delve deeper into self-awareness, I am realising how much my self is influenced by society and my background. But I was still caught rather off guard when my reflections took me back to my childhood. To the darker times of my early life.
Don't get me wrong - I had a happy childhood. But one thing bothered me. My body – the fact I had a mobility impairment. In truth, my impairment didn’t worry me that much until the age of 5 or 6. By that age, I had adapted to my impairment and found no real problems with the fact I walked differently. However, as I started attending school, I noticed that mostly the adults around me treated me differently –. In time, I understood that people had an issue with the fact I walked perhaps in an odd way.
Slowly but surely, my greatest desire was to walk like the other boys in my class. Since we present ourselves to the world through our bodies, if our bodies are rejected or considered 'inferior', it's inevitable that we also feel rejected as persons. Indeed, my greatest suffering wasn't caused by my impairment but with the fact that society appeared to exclude me as a person. Indeed, as a young boy, I started to believe that I was the problem. I had to change.
The fact that these ideas were reinforced by science, on the one hand, and religion, on the other, left me with a deep sense of guilt. I wanted to improve. I wanted to walk properly. Was I doing enough? Was I praying well? Was I being punished for a sin I did? Was I letting my family and loved ones down? Was I really deep down, a bad boy? All these thoughts fuelled further my desire to walk properly without tiring so much. With all the good intentions, even my family thought that my life would be much better if I could walk like other children. I was made to undergo physiotherapy, attend a faith healing service and, yes, was taken to Lourdes when very young to be 'cured'. I was holy, sinful, broken, deformed, inspirational etc etc All at the same time!!
Now that I thought I had grown out of all this I discover that there's still part of me that thinks I am not good enough because I have an impairment. Make those 2 impairments. And while it's painful to know that I am still affected by the exclusion I felt as a child and my attempts to be like other children, it's also a liberating experience. For that I have become aware of my attachment to an idea of a 'perfectly' working body and while I cannot undo the past, I can let go of this clinging that I realise is still there in my mind.
For, at the end of the day, by hoping against hope that I can walk again, would be hoping for the impossible. It would be like throwing a ball and wishing that it would rise up instead of falling down. It would be like believing that by simply having faith, you can go against the laws of nature. It would be like believing that we will get healthier or stronger as we age. It would be like putting all your energy on an unrealistic goal. While I can't completely discard the possibility of miracles, I believe that we cannot live our lives expecting one to happen.
After all, as I am learning from my meditation, our life often passes us by but we often miss noticing it. We are too absorbed in our own inner minds. We tend to be trapped in a cycle of action and reaction with little time to think about those around us. Until it's too late.
Living a life without contemplating our existence can only guarantee that we don't even get to know who we really are. And, surely, that is the greatest tragedy of all as we remain stuck in a false reality chained to our ignorance, desire and attachment.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
10 Years of Fear
There is already a lot of commentary and opinions trying to analyze where we are today following 10 years since the September 11, 2001 attacks. However, as we prepare to honour the many people who lost their lives on that tragic day, I feel it it’s important to ask ourselves whether the world has moved on. In other words, can we say that the planet has become a safer and more peaceful place for us to live in?
Putting aside any political interests, can we truly say that the so-called “war on terror” was real and justified? Undoubtedly, 9/11 caused great loss of life and, indeed, we must remember all those who were killed in the name of an ideology feeding on hate and revenge. But have we thought of the thousands more of equally innocent people whom have been killed in a war against an unknown target?
Don’t we care that much because they don’t belong to our culture, don’t have our values, don’t believe in the same God as we do? Perhaps, we fear, that these people we now label “Arabs” or “Muslims” are a threat to Western civilization which we believe is based on the values of democracy, respect and justice? Does this explain the rise of Islamophobia in the West and the growing popularity of far-right extremism?
Can we reconcile our supposed respect of human rights with the emerging evidence that innocent people might have been tortured and bullied to reveal dubious information about events that took place on 9/11 and to investigate whether there may be new plans to attack? Can we we pride ourselves with the good values we hold while we inflict pain and suffering on the world we never bothered to understand, let alone care for?
Are we comfortable with the fact that some multinational companies are exploiting parts of the world for their rich natural resources to gain profit while the inhabitants are living in a state of hunger and unimaginable poverty and disease? Are we ready keep watching scenes of conflict and violence on our media thinking that this doesn’t affect me? Yet, you meet someone who is different than you, perhaps a Muslim, do you become fearful and suspicious?
Yes, Osama bin Laden was killed. However, it would be naïve to think that this solved the problems that gave rise to 9/11. For horrible as the actions of Al Qaeda may have been, there are still people who have come to the conclusion that terror and violence are the only ways to stop a West, that they perceive is exploiting their lands, killing their people and impoverishing their lives. We who don’t have to deal with a situation where you have to worry about whether you’re going to eat today or how far you need to go in order to get safe drinking water, don’t appreciate that out there people are living a harsh life.
We may avoid thinking about these realities. Indeed, we may not care enough to realize that killing bin Laden, for example, only removed one symptom of a far greater disease. A disease that cannot be cured by medicine and antibiotics. The disease is fear. A malady that is sometimes so strong that it forces us to keep away from anyone or anything which we perceive as a threat. In the name of fear, we close our mind and heart to others who are different while they become mere objects where we project our darker sides. They become the targets of our hate, resentment, insults and violence. As we feed our fears, our victims lose their humanity.
Sadly, unless we don’t recognize that we can no longer go on with our life thinking what happens in other parts of the world isn’t our concern, we will be easy victims for fear and its afflictions. By closing ourselves to the suffering of others, we fail to appreciate the dire situation other people living in the world are living in. Without recognizing that, to some extent, we may have contributed to this situation, we would have learned little from 9/11. If we believe what our fears tell us, we will miss seeing that our similarities with ‘those people’ are much greater than our differences.
Unless we do all that and more, we will remain trapped in an age of fear. An age which doesn’t exist in time but in our minds.
Putting aside any political interests, can we truly say that the so-called “war on terror” was real and justified? Undoubtedly, 9/11 caused great loss of life and, indeed, we must remember all those who were killed in the name of an ideology feeding on hate and revenge. But have we thought of the thousands more of equally innocent people whom have been killed in a war against an unknown target?
Don’t we care that much because they don’t belong to our culture, don’t have our values, don’t believe in the same God as we do? Perhaps, we fear, that these people we now label “Arabs” or “Muslims” are a threat to Western civilization which we believe is based on the values of democracy, respect and justice? Does this explain the rise of Islamophobia in the West and the growing popularity of far-right extremism?
Can we reconcile our supposed respect of human rights with the emerging evidence that innocent people might have been tortured and bullied to reveal dubious information about events that took place on 9/11 and to investigate whether there may be new plans to attack? Can we we pride ourselves with the good values we hold while we inflict pain and suffering on the world we never bothered to understand, let alone care for?
Are we comfortable with the fact that some multinational companies are exploiting parts of the world for their rich natural resources to gain profit while the inhabitants are living in a state of hunger and unimaginable poverty and disease? Are we ready keep watching scenes of conflict and violence on our media thinking that this doesn’t affect me? Yet, you meet someone who is different than you, perhaps a Muslim, do you become fearful and suspicious?
Yes, Osama bin Laden was killed. However, it would be naïve to think that this solved the problems that gave rise to 9/11. For horrible as the actions of Al Qaeda may have been, there are still people who have come to the conclusion that terror and violence are the only ways to stop a West, that they perceive is exploiting their lands, killing their people and impoverishing their lives. We who don’t have to deal with a situation where you have to worry about whether you’re going to eat today or how far you need to go in order to get safe drinking water, don’t appreciate that out there people are living a harsh life.
We may avoid thinking about these realities. Indeed, we may not care enough to realize that killing bin Laden, for example, only removed one symptom of a far greater disease. A disease that cannot be cured by medicine and antibiotics. The disease is fear. A malady that is sometimes so strong that it forces us to keep away from anyone or anything which we perceive as a threat. In the name of fear, we close our mind and heart to others who are different while they become mere objects where we project our darker sides. They become the targets of our hate, resentment, insults and violence. As we feed our fears, our victims lose their humanity.
Sadly, unless we don’t recognize that we can no longer go on with our life thinking what happens in other parts of the world isn’t our concern, we will be easy victims for fear and its afflictions. By closing ourselves to the suffering of others, we fail to appreciate the dire situation other people living in the world are living in. Without recognizing that, to some extent, we may have contributed to this situation, we would have learned little from 9/11. If we believe what our fears tell us, we will miss seeing that our similarities with ‘those people’ are much greater than our differences.
Unless we do all that and more, we will remain trapped in an age of fear. An age which doesn’t exist in time but in our minds.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Facing the Enemy Within
Who is the enemy? We all have people in our life that we feel we can never get along with. We may deny it, but as we grow older, we start distinguishing between those we consider friends, those who we don’t have any feelings towards and enemies. However, thinking of these three types of people in terms of closed groups is simplistic for friends can, at one point in the future, become enemies or vice versa.
Undeniably, the relations we have with other people and the way we perceive them in our world is important as it provides us with an identity and a feeling of control and choice. This is because, unlike our family, we tend to choose who are friends and enemies are.thinking these of these three groups of people as if life was that simple would be naïve for no individual is fixed in his/her position in our world view. Even if it doesn’t happen everyday, friends can become enemies and vice versa. People who we didn’t know or care for before may suddenly become our best friend or worse enemy. Yet, unlike our family, it is up to us to choose who gets to be our friend or enemy.
However, we tend to be unaware that the greatest enemy mis not on the outside but rather inside of us. if we think about it, our greatest enemy may be within us. For, destructive and malicious as they may be, we have the choice of how to react to our enemies and, many times, we tend to get wound up in resentment and hate if we are challenged by an external enemy. In the process of letting the external enemy’s words and action, we trigger an inner conflict. On the one hand, we attempt to justify ourselves and cultivate our anger against the enemy, and on the other, all the negative self-images of our past return to haunt us.
Once this happens, it means that the external enemy, with the complicity of our inner enemy, has managed to invade our heart and mind. Whether we resort to pride and self-righteousness, or sulk away in self-pity and seeking consolation from others, the enemy has won the battle if not the war. Don’t get me wrong - I am not saying that one shouldn’t defend ourselves if someone goes around telling lies about us or in some way harming us. I’m saying that the moment we fixate on the pain inflicted upon us is the one we have have given up our freedom to choose. Indeed, we become hostage to a negative thought process that changes us in ugly ways.
We may attempt to disassociate from the outer threat. We may get caught up in a stream of anger, resentment, and hate. We may go as far as murdering our external threat in our mind by dehumanizing this person. In so many ways, we become the enemy - not just to our human enemy on the outside but an enemy to our own selves. The good news is that we can choose to be victims and surrender to our enemy or learn from our experience. We might even try to understand why our external enemy has attacked us.
In this sense, an enemy can be of help in becoming aware of our own weaknesses - of how easily we can be conditioned by other people. It can make us more conscious of our tendencies to distance ourselves from our enemy, but at the same time, defining ourselves in a negative relation to our enemy. It should be an experience where we learn how much we are absorbed in a belief that we, together with those we regard to be part of our group, are the ‘good’, the ‘right’ and the ‘just] - judging all those who don’t meet our standards as outsiders. In clutching to our convictions that we have got nothing to do with ‘these other people’ who may come from different race, religious tradition or ethnic background, etc., we miss out on our human heritage.
For, unlike the enemy outside, the inner enemy can generate a legion of enemies that are not real or rational. We may have never met these people, these ‘others’ but as long as our minds perceives them as a threat, then we can be as hateful and resentful as if they really were acquaintances.
our adversaries may be, we have a choice of whether to give in to our destructive impulses characterized by emotions fueled by a growing hate and resentment. An enemy is stronger when s/he has managed to cast us in a fight or flight mode where we are caught up in an internal battle torn between defending ourselves and attacking our enemy. At least in my experience, getting caught up in the conflict within only serves to inflame the anger and resuscitate the multitude of negative images of ourselves we have grown to believe without really knowing.
In our attempts to protect our own self-image, we suddenly turn our enemy into an ‘other’ by which we disassociate ourselves from the person we perceive as a threat to the point of dehumanizing them. But, in robbing our opponent from a humanity, aren’t we becoming less human? When we tell ourselves that we are the good people and the ones in the right and insisting that we are different, better and just people and our enemy is not part of us, aren’t we denying ourselves an opportunity to learn? For once we are absorbed in an attempt to protect our self-imposed identity, we become hostage to our own thoughts and emotions. At that point, the have unintentionally chosen to be conditioned by another person.
On the other hand, we can take the opportunity to observe our reactions as our mind battles in a conflict between our self-doubt and pride, between our instincts of defense and attack. But what is there to learn when we’re feeling pain inside and we feel hurt so much that we cannot control our emotions? This is not easy, I admit, but we have to admit to ourselves that we are angered because something out there has challenged our world view. It has shaken the foundations of our beliefs and robbed up of any peace of mind. Yet, as we realise that we have been thrown into this state of apparent chaos because we have consented to an enemy to let the seeds of malice grow in our heart and mind. This should make us more aware of how easily we can we be conditioned into a thought process that is, for the most part, our own making.
In addition, as we seek to justify our belief that we are the better ones, we build an image of the other that is inhuman and even worthless. Ironically, by defining ourselves in terms of our enemy makes us not only psychologically dependent on our enemy in defining ourselves, but also robs us of any clains to a free will. We are confined to a state of mind where we are tuck in fear. The tragic thing is that, many times, we create our own cell and surrender to the enemy within, which makes us believe we are the best as we intoxicate ourselves in calling ourselves names that elevate us to a godlike status. In short, we have created an enemy that is even more dangerous because we’re unaware of. The fact is that we can ultimately give power to those who want to harm us.
However, there are other groups of people who our mind may perceive as enemies, especially if we are prone to being attached to an image of ourselves that is exclusive and is set against ‘other’ people we deem, consciously or unconsciously, inferior and less worthy than we are and the group we associate ourselves with. Our ‘enemy’ here is not real in the sense that we may have never met these persons. But we can still harbour a certain hate and resentment if we even hear their name mentioned. It sounds irrational and it is irrational. But, that does not stop people from holding on to preconceived notions of people depending on their race, religious tradition, or ethnic group.
Our justification in conceiving those different than us as enemies emerges out of a fear that these people will threaten our social order. A national identity that prides itself in respect of diversity and freedom of expression is used to delineate between those who are worthy of rights and those who are not. Our cultures which were only possible because of our interest in discovering how other people live slowly becomes an instrument to oppress and exclude what can actually enrich it. A faith or religion which preaches that we are equal in the eyes of God, can implicitly resist those who belong to different faith. In forming our mental image of the enemy, we fail to be aware that much of what we believe is but a delusion. Worse still, by building barriers between ‘us’ and ‘them’, we risk to forget that we share our humanity and face the joys and pains of birth, love, friendship, disease and death.
This brings us back full circle to the initial question: Who is the enemy? The answer is not straightforwardIndeed, as we have seen an enemy can be really out there to harm us and our perception of them as threats may be legitimate and advised. On the other hand, enemies can be produced through our own preconceptions and world views. We can also find enemies hidden in our past memories and experiences. Yet, if we had to identify a common characteristic that defines enemies that we create from real or past experience and imaginary enemies we form out of mere prejudice is that we are the ones who consent in letting these enemies take control over us. True, manny times it’s due to habit and our tendency to look at our world without consideration to those who fall outside of our rigid world view.
This is why it’s important to find a time in our busy schedule to reach within and face our enemy. Even if we may feel uncomfortable with facing our enemy, the inner critic, which lifts us up only to enjoy seeing us taking a great fall. While may be unable to help feeling resentment and hate in certain situations, we should take this opportunity to learn about ourselves and perhaps slowly changing our inner enemy to an inner ally. If we succeed in that, our human enemy has no more power over us and, indeed, if we make that extra effort, we can start to understand why your enemy has chosen you as a target. Indeed, you sometimes cannot choose your enemies either if you think about it because an enemy may hold feelings of hate and resentment based on a wong view. Then it’s even more important to be more aware of yourself and more open to others.
Yet, what all these enemies have in common is that we can usually decide to what extent do we give power to them to condition our lives and, indirectly, control our thoughts and emotions. While we think of our daily enemies as persons who we would do without, they can also help us reflect more deeply on who we are and on what we can be like in difficult circumstances. Our enemies can also help us make an effort to understand that, malicious as they may be, our enemies still share our humanity and are not immune to their own inner enemy.
I know that it’s easy to write all this and putting into practice is another matter altogether. Indeed, I’ve made many mistakes in the past and will surely do more along the way. But, as I grow in self-awareness thanks to my daily meditation, the more I come to realize how destructive we can be by giving up to someone else or to an imaginary threat our minds. How easy it is to persist in believing lies about your world that contradict experience.
The danger of avoiding to face our inner enemy is that, in persisting in protecting ourselves and our self-image, we close our heart and mind to others with the result of losing part of our humanity and of an opportunity for real growth.
Undeniably, the relations we have with other people and the way we perceive them in our world is important as it provides us with an identity and a feeling of control and choice. This is because, unlike our family, we tend to choose who are friends and enemies are.thinking these of these three groups of people as if life was that simple would be naïve for no individual is fixed in his/her position in our world view. Even if it doesn’t happen everyday, friends can become enemies and vice versa. People who we didn’t know or care for before may suddenly become our best friend or worse enemy. Yet, unlike our family, it is up to us to choose who gets to be our friend or enemy.
However, we tend to be unaware that the greatest enemy mis not on the outside but rather inside of us. if we think about it, our greatest enemy may be within us. For, destructive and malicious as they may be, we have the choice of how to react to our enemies and, many times, we tend to get wound up in resentment and hate if we are challenged by an external enemy. In the process of letting the external enemy’s words and action, we trigger an inner conflict. On the one hand, we attempt to justify ourselves and cultivate our anger against the enemy, and on the other, all the negative self-images of our past return to haunt us.
Once this happens, it means that the external enemy, with the complicity of our inner enemy, has managed to invade our heart and mind. Whether we resort to pride and self-righteousness, or sulk away in self-pity and seeking consolation from others, the enemy has won the battle if not the war. Don’t get me wrong - I am not saying that one shouldn’t defend ourselves if someone goes around telling lies about us or in some way harming us. I’m saying that the moment we fixate on the pain inflicted upon us is the one we have have given up our freedom to choose. Indeed, we become hostage to a negative thought process that changes us in ugly ways.
We may attempt to disassociate from the outer threat. We may get caught up in a stream of anger, resentment, and hate. We may go as far as murdering our external threat in our mind by dehumanizing this person. In so many ways, we become the enemy - not just to our human enemy on the outside but an enemy to our own selves. The good news is that we can choose to be victims and surrender to our enemy or learn from our experience. We might even try to understand why our external enemy has attacked us.
In this sense, an enemy can be of help in becoming aware of our own weaknesses - of how easily we can be conditioned by other people. It can make us more conscious of our tendencies to distance ourselves from our enemy, but at the same time, defining ourselves in a negative relation to our enemy. It should be an experience where we learn how much we are absorbed in a belief that we, together with those we regard to be part of our group, are the ‘good’, the ‘right’ and the ‘just] - judging all those who don’t meet our standards as outsiders. In clutching to our convictions that we have got nothing to do with ‘these other people’ who may come from different race, religious tradition or ethnic background, etc., we miss out on our human heritage.
For, unlike the enemy outside, the inner enemy can generate a legion of enemies that are not real or rational. We may have never met these people, these ‘others’ but as long as our minds perceives them as a threat, then we can be as hateful and resentful as if they really were acquaintances.
our adversaries may be, we have a choice of whether to give in to our destructive impulses characterized by emotions fueled by a growing hate and resentment. An enemy is stronger when s/he has managed to cast us in a fight or flight mode where we are caught up in an internal battle torn between defending ourselves and attacking our enemy. At least in my experience, getting caught up in the conflict within only serves to inflame the anger and resuscitate the multitude of negative images of ourselves we have grown to believe without really knowing.
In our attempts to protect our own self-image, we suddenly turn our enemy into an ‘other’ by which we disassociate ourselves from the person we perceive as a threat to the point of dehumanizing them. But, in robbing our opponent from a humanity, aren’t we becoming less human? When we tell ourselves that we are the good people and the ones in the right and insisting that we are different, better and just people and our enemy is not part of us, aren’t we denying ourselves an opportunity to learn? For once we are absorbed in an attempt to protect our self-imposed identity, we become hostage to our own thoughts and emotions. At that point, the have unintentionally chosen to be conditioned by another person.
On the other hand, we can take the opportunity to observe our reactions as our mind battles in a conflict between our self-doubt and pride, between our instincts of defense and attack. But what is there to learn when we’re feeling pain inside and we feel hurt so much that we cannot control our emotions? This is not easy, I admit, but we have to admit to ourselves that we are angered because something out there has challenged our world view. It has shaken the foundations of our beliefs and robbed up of any peace of mind. Yet, as we realise that we have been thrown into this state of apparent chaos because we have consented to an enemy to let the seeds of malice grow in our heart and mind. This should make us more aware of how easily we can we be conditioned into a thought process that is, for the most part, our own making.
In addition, as we seek to justify our belief that we are the better ones, we build an image of the other that is inhuman and even worthless. Ironically, by defining ourselves in terms of our enemy makes us not only psychologically dependent on our enemy in defining ourselves, but also robs us of any clains to a free will. We are confined to a state of mind where we are tuck in fear. The tragic thing is that, many times, we create our own cell and surrender to the enemy within, which makes us believe we are the best as we intoxicate ourselves in calling ourselves names that elevate us to a godlike status. In short, we have created an enemy that is even more dangerous because we’re unaware of. The fact is that we can ultimately give power to those who want to harm us.
However, there are other groups of people who our mind may perceive as enemies, especially if we are prone to being attached to an image of ourselves that is exclusive and is set against ‘other’ people we deem, consciously or unconsciously, inferior and less worthy than we are and the group we associate ourselves with. Our ‘enemy’ here is not real in the sense that we may have never met these persons. But we can still harbour a certain hate and resentment if we even hear their name mentioned. It sounds irrational and it is irrational. But, that does not stop people from holding on to preconceived notions of people depending on their race, religious tradition, or ethnic group.
Our justification in conceiving those different than us as enemies emerges out of a fear that these people will threaten our social order. A national identity that prides itself in respect of diversity and freedom of expression is used to delineate between those who are worthy of rights and those who are not. Our cultures which were only possible because of our interest in discovering how other people live slowly becomes an instrument to oppress and exclude what can actually enrich it. A faith or religion which preaches that we are equal in the eyes of God, can implicitly resist those who belong to different faith. In forming our mental image of the enemy, we fail to be aware that much of what we believe is but a delusion. Worse still, by building barriers between ‘us’ and ‘them’, we risk to forget that we share our humanity and face the joys and pains of birth, love, friendship, disease and death.
This brings us back full circle to the initial question: Who is the enemy? The answer is not straightforwardIndeed, as we have seen an enemy can be really out there to harm us and our perception of them as threats may be legitimate and advised. On the other hand, enemies can be produced through our own preconceptions and world views. We can also find enemies hidden in our past memories and experiences. Yet, if we had to identify a common characteristic that defines enemies that we create from real or past experience and imaginary enemies we form out of mere prejudice is that we are the ones who consent in letting these enemies take control over us. True, manny times it’s due to habit and our tendency to look at our world without consideration to those who fall outside of our rigid world view.
This is why it’s important to find a time in our busy schedule to reach within and face our enemy. Even if we may feel uncomfortable with facing our enemy, the inner critic, which lifts us up only to enjoy seeing us taking a great fall. While may be unable to help feeling resentment and hate in certain situations, we should take this opportunity to learn about ourselves and perhaps slowly changing our inner enemy to an inner ally. If we succeed in that, our human enemy has no more power over us and, indeed, if we make that extra effort, we can start to understand why your enemy has chosen you as a target. Indeed, you sometimes cannot choose your enemies either if you think about it because an enemy may hold feelings of hate and resentment based on a wong view. Then it’s even more important to be more aware of yourself and more open to others.
Yet, what all these enemies have in common is that we can usually decide to what extent do we give power to them to condition our lives and, indirectly, control our thoughts and emotions. While we think of our daily enemies as persons who we would do without, they can also help us reflect more deeply on who we are and on what we can be like in difficult circumstances. Our enemies can also help us make an effort to understand that, malicious as they may be, our enemies still share our humanity and are not immune to their own inner enemy.
I know that it’s easy to write all this and putting into practice is another matter altogether. Indeed, I’ve made many mistakes in the past and will surely do more along the way. But, as I grow in self-awareness thanks to my daily meditation, the more I come to realize how destructive we can be by giving up to someone else or to an imaginary threat our minds. How easy it is to persist in believing lies about your world that contradict experience.
The danger of avoiding to face our inner enemy is that, in persisting in protecting ourselves and our self-image, we close our heart and mind to others with the result of losing part of our humanity and of an opportunity for real growth.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A Prayer for Happiness
I want to drift away to a place of peace,
Where love dwells and wisdom grows.
I want to get rid of the chains of the self -,
To be free from its hollow illusions.
Always crying for attention,
Never full but always wanting.
I want to learn not to take life for granted.
For none is permanent and absolute.
All is subject to the laws of life.
And no matter what, we all must die
I want to be more humble.
For all I am and all I have
Is not my own but is a gift of life
In all its shapes and forms.
I only want to bro
In love and compassion,
The refuge of my soul.
Free from ignorance.
Free from craving.
Free from hate.
One and many.
In authentic happiness.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Death in Denial
We're exposed to sights and sounds of death and dying people on a daily basis - day and night. Our media doesn't miss the daily ritual of reporting on a homicide, war, natural disasters, famine, and other news where other human beings are experiencing suffering eat the hands of others motivated by a myriad of intentions, ranging from revenge to sheer hate. On occasion, our news networks may throw in a suicide bombing for good measure.
But, I wonder, is this make us more empathic to the plight of our fellow human brothers and sisters? Do we, as we witness from afar the daily tragedy of human lives wasted away, grow in compassion and bother to take the time to reflect on the essential vulnerability inherent in the human condition? Do we feel in any way connected with these people who are suffering injustice or misfortune? Or do we rather hold to an idea that we're not like them - that they are the "other"… that they are less fortunate… that, indeed, we're not like them… we're better… more civilized? These are some of the questions I'm becoming more aware of the fact that, we can't go on living as if what is not happening in our country doesn't concern us.
Even if we're informed about the realities of human tragedy every day, I suspect that as we follow these events unfold, we do our best to escape the reality of suffering and death. Instead, we take every means possible to hide away from being reminded of the realities that underpin our human existence. We take refuge in temporary joys and pleasure, we indulge in food and entertainment and we lose our time in seeking more wealth, success and money. We seek a happiness that , try as we may, we cannot at fain.
We fear acknowledging that we are dependent on others. We keep away from hospitals and such institutions where those who are excluded kept. We fear to recognize that we will change and so, we prefer to deny or even resist the aging process. We house large numbers of our elderly relatives into old people homes. We fear death and often forget those who are dying in our hospitals. Out of sight, out of mind.
The reality is that yes, we depend on each other. That is no reason to feel inferior but rather feel part of something bigger than ourselves. Yes, we will grow old and change but then, it's also true that sadness will be followed by joy, darkness by light. Indeed, once again you can't really appreciate joy without having experienced sadness.
Finally, we all will die - whatever we do. But,\ that means that we shouldn't take for granted the day we've been given. An opportunity to experience the wonder of life itself. The chance to meet new people, enjoy our friends and loved ones. We've got a unique privilege to cherish the miracle of nature and the universe.
Indeed, every day is borrowed time where we can reach out to others and offer our love and compassion. I now believe that is the only path to achieve authentic peace and happiness.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Our Lives: Past, Present and Future
I've come a long way since I started my investigation into the meaning of life. My attempt to understand the nature of my reality. The reason for being. Indeed, I've changed a lot as I ask questions about what is happening around me: in my personal life, in my local community and within the global family. I have found a few answers and I still got many other queries that remain unresolved.
Undertaking this journey leaves you feeling rather lonely. However, paradoxically, it can leave you more connected to the world like never before. I have been helped immensely by my exploration of Buddhist thought. In fact, as I delve deeper in my understanding, I have discovered peace and happiness that I have never experienced - except in those rare occasions. I bust admit that I had an early interst in the Buddhist tradition but was perhaps too afraid to develop this interest. That is, until today.
Don't get me wrong. The path I chose to take is a personal choice. It isn't for everyone but the more I learn about the philosophy behind the Buddhist practice of contemplative meditation, the more I am convinced that I am getting somewhere. I still have a lot of respect for Christianity as I was brought up in this tradition. Indeed, my desire to pursue an alternative way of looking at life and living doesn't diminish my respect for the value of my past teaching. In fact, as I discover facts about Buddhism, I can't help notice significant par allels between Christian morality and Buddhist morality.
At the same time, I find that the Buddhist way of thought and analysis works for me. I have also gained a lot from my daily practice of meditation. I am finding new ways of looking at the world. I feel, for the first time, that there is something unique and precious in this life that I've taken for granted. I am sincerely grateful when I wake up in the morning - usually to start the day with a few minutes meditating about what I dreamt, the feelings I had on opening my eyes and thoughts about the day ahead.
I don't want you to think that there aren't moments when I'm sad, angry or anxious - for example. The fact that these and other emotions are part of our life. We can't help feeling angry if we feel cheated, or sad if we got bad news about a friend, or even if someone passed an unkind remark. But, if we are mindful enough of our thoughts and feelings, we can change the way we relate to ourselves and, by extension, how we relate to others.
At the end of it all, our emotions come and go. That is the nature of life - the essence of reality. The impermanence of things. And as our emotions rise and fall in our consciousness, so will our bodies one day perish. But, then, what comes next is anyone's guess. It's good to have faith in a world beyond but it's equally important to cultivate happiness now and today. Not just for your own sake but for the benefit of the entire human family.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Learning from Childhood
When I watch world news, I am often left speechless. There appears to be so much trouble and conflict in the world. People fighting, people being killed. People seeking a better life, people crushed by their oppressive leaders. People facing natural disasters, people polluting the world and increasing global warming. We're all familiar with the stories that are reported everyday in our homes, on our mobile phones, and on the Internet.
I wonder about the state of the world. How things have changed since I was younger and everything was so simple. I was idealistic then, believing that there could be world peace. Believing that somehow there was a solution to every problem in the world. But, now, I really don't know any more whether the adult world was as great as I thought it would be. I ask myself, where are the choices and freedom I thought I would have. Where is the liberty to do what I put my mind to do? Has all this been a false idea that I adopted on seeing how adults appeared to get their own way and, who ultimately, wanted to be right even when they were not.
However, it's a fact that children are the ones who suffer the consequences of our adult actions when there are conflicts, wars and other crisis. We involve children in our matters even if they have not chosen to take part. We involve children in issues that they don't understand or are explained. We involve children because we assume that their opinions do not matter. We forget that we were children once ourselves. I don't know why I chose to look at the global situation with a focus on children.
It could be because that, during one of my meditations, I was taken back to a dream I had as a child. That of a world where it didn't matter who you were and how you looked, you were part of something bigger. In harmony with nature that we're now losing. And, while this vision was idealistic and somewhat naive, I do wish thad the walls that separate us between one and another are broken down. However, these walls don't exist in the real world but in our mind which means that we must be the ones to bring them down. To quote Gandhi: "We must be the change we want to see in the world".
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Cyber-Geist's Meditation
I'm writing this entry from my perspective as an observer of social media, after resolving that it was a good time to keep my distance from this modern phenomenon in the digitalized world. I decided to remain an audience to what others are submitting and posting. I wanted to cease, for a while, being an active participant. Granted, I can't claim that I achieved any great feat or accomplishment. Yes, it was difficult and, ironically, it was at these times when I would read a FaceBook update or a notification on my personal email that the temptation to respond was greater. I realize now how social media was consuming a lot of my free time. Time that, perhaps, could have been better spa t getting to know myself and the world that I inhabit. However, the idea behind social media is,, essentially, positive and commendable.
Indeed, social media is changing the rules of human relations. No longer do we find the barriers posed by the 'old' boundaries of age, time zones or geography. This is a period in our history when it appears that we have overcome the barriers that separated us. This is, however, only an idealized image of social media. If you look for it and even if you don't, you will find the same human afflictions that cause trouble in the real world: hate, ignorance and a materialistic world view that feeds on consumption and production. No wonder that social media is simultaneously the instrument of philanthropy and worthy causes, as well as misanthropy and hate speech. No wonder you find an article on spiritual happiness with advertisements from self-help courses promising wealth and financial prosperity. No surprise, then, that some have discovered that God is marketable as they go on about how their bible study course will win them eternal heaven.
There are, of course, a mixture of thoughts in my mind as I write this on a Saturday on August 20. However, you who are reading this now will be trying to figure out was the post is about in your present. I don't know what will become of me after I save this as a draft. For all I know, I might not be here. This is not a case of being morbid or negative. In fact, the reality of my possible death and impermanence have been the subject of my thoughts during my period of internet freedom. For, in many ways, ceasing to be part of social media turned me into what could be described as a cyber-geist or an internet ghost. Again, I realize that the social media changes the way we relate to our deceased friends' FaceBook pages, as an example, with profile pages becoming virtual shrines and memorials.And this forces me to consider that even in the world where one can achieve technological immortality, there is a human aspect that - even if it attempts to deny or escape it - recognizes that we are just travelers here. And while social media may preserve part of who we are we wish to present to the world., we will all leave this life.
There are things about who I am that I discovered during my moments of quiet meditation. Questions that I would rather avoided. Matters that I have put aside, hoping that they will go away. Personal issues that, I believe, are my own concern. However, what struck me most is the fact that our lives are often shaped by the world around us. We can't escape the fact that we're surrounded by people and technology that influences us - whether we participate in the exchange or not. In this respect, social media is an extreme form of how technology is changing not just how we live but who we are. In those moments when I was prone to reply to a social media message, I was aware that it would have been stupid of me to write what I planned to write. And I'm being generous with the verb "planned". I suspect that with the vast amount of information we have at our fingertips, we seem not to find the time to ask ourselves which information is of value or not. We find ourselves in a position where we are expected to reply immediately. Indeed, we are being encouraged to live impulsively.
Of course, there is a lot to say about the positive impact that social media can have on the world. However, as with any other technology, we must know what the implications this technology may have on our dailly lives. I believe, that we are still don't understand this technology enough. But this isn't entirely our fault since social media is a relatively new technology. This is more reason to use this technology responsibly and with presence of mind. In other words, we need to know what we are doing. And perhaps more importantly, we need to develop our self-awareness as every time we interact on social media, whether we like it or not, we are presentng part of ourselves to the world. I, myself, have succumbed to the lure of social media with its promise of instant fame and recognition. In this sense, I now believe that it's important that in the process of relating to others, we also invest in getting to know who we are. Otherwise, we would be misleading others and, even worse, deceiving ourselves.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Into the Internet Wilderness
This is my last entry. At least, it'll the only one I will be writing for the next two weeks for sure. I'm also stopping from using social network for the coming two weeks. I have been thinking of becoming an Internet hermit for a while since I started my investigation of the nature of life through my study of Buddhism. I knew that I had become too reliant, and perhaps dependent, on social media. While our dependent natures are inescapable realities, not all forms of dependence were beneficial. And, I started wondering whether my use of social networks, and by extension, the Internet, getting out of hand? Was I perhaps hiding from a part of myself which I was reluctant to recognize or accept - preferring instead to choreograph a virtual life and masquerade as a person who was happy enough. At the same time, sincerely attempting to live up to an illusion with all the good intentions.. At the end of it all, I am asking who I had become to my inner self. Could I the free again from the imposition of a disillusioned identity I had created myself? More fundamentally, I have been asking myself whether I had allowed my Internet alter ego take over the basic values and aspirations I had before I became involved with the network. Admittedly, it wasn't that bad because I did make new friends and expanded my contacts. However, despite the friendships i have made and will make through social media, I think that it's more worthwhile if I took a step back and examine who I am in the context of a changing reality. Regrettably, I know that the modern world prevents me from being completely separate from the web of the internet spider. Indeed, I will have to keep using email to keep up with my work commitments. However, this fact that doesn't mean that I have to think of myself as a technological "slave". I believe that it is a matter of being mindful of your thoughts and feelings when using technology. Taking care to put it in the right place and not giving it power it does not have in its own right. I admit, I don't know if I will succeed in living without the use of social media for these two weeks or so.I will do my best to keep up away from social networks. I hope to learn something about myself and will come back with my observations on the The ZoneMind by the end of these two weeks.
So, until the 22ndAugust 2011, I'll be off from social networks, new media, and other forms of internet communication - with the exception of email. Until that date, I wish you all the best!!!
Marsaxlokk, Malta
Tuesday, 9th August 2011
So, until the 22ndAugust 2011, I'll be off from social networks, new media, and other forms of internet communication - with the exception of email. Until that date, I wish you all the best!!!
Marsaxlokk, Malta
Tuesday, 9th August 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Life of Animals
Last Monday, our pet rabbit “Daisy” died and, just two days later, our other rabbit “Floppy” died. The fact that these sudden deaths came only a few days after my entry on impermanence was a poignant reminder that the temporal nature of physical existence was not merely an abstraction but a daily and tangible reality. However, I felt strangely saddened by the death of Daisy and Floppy as if I had developed a special relationship with these creatures. I also must have grown used to seeing them every day and, in many ways, grew attached to a life that included them.
If I think about it, we do have a peculiar rapport with animals. Some animals we would eat without question - unless you’re a vegetarian, and, a few chosen ones we consider “pets”. In fact, we also name our animals using a variety of names ranging from the creative, to the mediocre the exotic. But, most wouldn’t identify with the pig that gave them their bacon, the cow that gave them their beef, or the chicken that gave them their chicken nuggets. Thus, the leap that turns animals from food to pets is, in so many ways, simply an artificial product of the mind. In the real world, there is no distinction between the cat and the cockroach, the dog and the fly.
Why do I choose cockroaches and flies? Because I admit, I had an irrational fear of roaches since I was younger and well, flies, are annoying. But, then, as I reflected about my perceptions on other animals and living beings, we think of some animals as worthy of our love, care and attention, only if they fulfill our purposes and needs. As a consequence, life becomes of value depending on the role we impose on living creatures.
However, if one claims to believe in animal rights by opposing animal cruelty, abuse or testing, one is only partly addressing the issue. In the West, for example, we tend to have an idea of ourselves as mostly in favor of animal welfare. But, which animals are we talking about? Isn’t the list of animals that we purport to “defend” defined by our culture and beliefs. As a result, by defining which aninals are worthy of rights and which are not, we are replicating the conviction that as human beings we have a dominion over the world and its creatures.
I don’t mean to judge or make readers feel guilty about the attitudes we have to life. I just wanted to express my inner concerns as I meditate on the sudden death of two rabbits that I grew attached to. If these were just any other rabbits, honestly, I might have eaten them in a stew. In Malta, we do eat rabbit once in a while. And that makes me wonder whether the distinction I thought existed between food and pets is really real or just a fabrication like so many concepts and ideas we have of the world. The fact that I still consume meat is problematic now as well.
For inasmuch as we think we are better than animals and other living beings, we will have to die like the rest of them. And while we may have greater self-awareness than other living creatures, we still are too immersed in our individual bubbles without appreciating the essential inter-dependence of worldly life and the essential nature of who we are.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Nothing Lasts Forever - Part 2
Continued from Part 1
A fundamental question to ask before understanding our fear and avoidance of the subject of death is one concerned with what acknowledging our own end would imply for us. Simply put:
What does death mean for us?
Our fear of death stems from many sources. In my experience, my own fear of death is in the realisation that I will lose who I am - that I become something unknown. That I become nothing! There is a fear that I will lose control over who I am. The impermanence of death forces me to consider that, at one point in my life, I will have to give up everything I know in my life without having any say in it. But, then, as I thought about these fears, I realise that even now I am not in control of my life. My unique experience of life is dependent on my body, the food I ate, the friends, relatives and people I met in the past, the air that I breathe, and so on and so forth.
In other words, what I manifest as a human being is an existence that arises out of so many factors. The miracle of life is not that we exist but that we exist at all. The factors that are required for us to be here need to be in place for us to speak of ourselves. In turn, these factors that give rise to our being are dependent on many other factors for them to exist. This state of impermanence is a natural and essential part of the cycle of life. And, we no reflect on two reAalisations that we may extract from this meditation on the nature of impermanence and dependent arising:
- Connectedness: Life as a web where everyone is interdependent and inter-connected because, we need each other and affected by other beings and things in how we perceive reality and who we are. Our fear of losing our identity at the point of death is a natural response but can we exist independently of life?
- Commonality: The appreciation that we share in the experience of impermanence and death. That whatever we own, whatever status we hhave, etc, we must one day leave this world. However, the awareness of a common death should make us appreciate the uniqueness and preciousness of the life we have. After all, even if we come from different realities, everyone must come to terms with their own finality.
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Saturday, July 16, 2011
Nothing Lasts Forever - Part 1
Since my last entry, I was busy keeping up with my other writing commitments. The week was intense as I had to keep up to a number of deadlines. Inasmuch as I do enjoy what I do most of the time, I felt tense and stressed and didn’t feel that I could rest until I finished my tasks.
Indeed, I put much of my time and energy to complete my work. Ironically, now that all this is over, I find myself having to handle difficult situations with a sense of emptiness and boredom. This task that I put so much work in and, yet, was also dreading with every passing moment, seemed to gained a lot of value. I experienced the same feeling when I had finished writing and proofreading a long piece. Every time, I realised that I ended up asking the same questions.
I did find some time to meditate during the time I was writing. Yet, my thoughts were often occupied on what I should include in the piece, whether I could express a particular idea more clearly, etc. So, once the tasks were sent off, I promised myself to sit in a quiet place and contemplate the feeling of emptiness and apathy that appeared to have taken over. It was then that I thought about the phrase “Nothing Lasts Forever.
When we say”nothing lasts forever, we often mean it as a verbal equivalent of sighing. We reminisce about the happy times that are now ended. At least what I understand when I hear that phrase being uttered. However, we forget that the non-lasting nature of things, or their impermanence, is part of reality. In this sense, while we miss those happy times, this impermanent characteristic of reality also applies for unpleasant things in life. While it is understandable that we prefer moments of happiness and pleasure, they are linked to pain and suffering in the continuum of life.
In simpler terms, impermanence allows for life and death and a cycle of rebirth that happens each day in the world. Ultimately, all of us must face our end, and beyond this life, we cannot be with anyone else living on this world. This might sound sad and death is a subject many would rather avoid. Those who know about my background know that I’m no stranger to death. I became aware of it durimg my childhood, was close to dying in my late teens and, recently, was an unaware witness of a dying man. The fact that I have thought about this topic very hard over the course of these 29 years doesn’t make me any wiser about what happens after death. I have found refuge in the past in the belief of an afterlife but there are no certainties, except that someday I’ll have to leave this body and this life.
Unfortunately, in the minority world (or “developed countries”), we tend to hide away from death. Indeed, it’s quite rare for children to come into contact with death or able to see it in real life. I am not saying that witnessing a dying person’s last moments should be commendable for children in any way. However, I don’t believe that being witness to a natural death is as traumatic as it is perceived. Yet, considering how many scenes of violence and death children in the minority world are being exposed to on the mass media and on social media, one wonders whether this is that healthy as there is no time or place to reflect about the images, sounds or experience that are witnessed. And, even though we can watch and listen to real instances of death, the reality is that these sensory stimulations fail to capture the uniqueness of each dying moment.
CONTINUES...
Indeed, I put much of my time and energy to complete my work. Ironically, now that all this is over, I find myself having to handle difficult situations with a sense of emptiness and boredom. This task that I put so much work in and, yet, was also dreading with every passing moment, seemed to gained a lot of value. I experienced the same feeling when I had finished writing and proofreading a long piece. Every time, I realised that I ended up asking the same questions.
- What was the point of it all?
- What did I achieve from all this?
- Would I be better off doing something else?
I did find some time to meditate during the time I was writing. Yet, my thoughts were often occupied on what I should include in the piece, whether I could express a particular idea more clearly, etc. So, once the tasks were sent off, I promised myself to sit in a quiet place and contemplate the feeling of emptiness and apathy that appeared to have taken over. It was then that I thought about the phrase “Nothing Lasts Forever.
When we say”nothing lasts forever, we often mean it as a verbal equivalent of sighing. We reminisce about the happy times that are now ended. At least what I understand when I hear that phrase being uttered. However, we forget that the non-lasting nature of things, or their impermanence, is part of reality. In this sense, while we miss those happy times, this impermanent characteristic of reality also applies for unpleasant things in life. While it is understandable that we prefer moments of happiness and pleasure, they are linked to pain and suffering in the continuum of life.
In simpler terms, impermanence allows for life and death and a cycle of rebirth that happens each day in the world. Ultimately, all of us must face our end, and beyond this life, we cannot be with anyone else living on this world. This might sound sad and death is a subject many would rather avoid. Those who know about my background know that I’m no stranger to death. I became aware of it durimg my childhood, was close to dying in my late teens and, recently, was an unaware witness of a dying man. The fact that I have thought about this topic very hard over the course of these 29 years doesn’t make me any wiser about what happens after death. I have found refuge in the past in the belief of an afterlife but there are no certainties, except that someday I’ll have to leave this body and this life.
Unfortunately, in the minority world (or “developed countries”), we tend to hide away from death. Indeed, it’s quite rare for children to come into contact with death or able to see it in real life. I am not saying that witnessing a dying person’s last moments should be commendable for children in any way. However, I don’t believe that being witness to a natural death is as traumatic as it is perceived. Yet, considering how many scenes of violence and death children in the minority world are being exposed to on the mass media and on social media, one wonders whether this is that healthy as there is no time or place to reflect about the images, sounds or experience that are witnessed. And, even though we can watch and listen to real instances of death, the reality is that these sensory stimulations fail to capture the uniqueness of each dying moment.
CONTINUES...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Celebrating HH the 14th Dalai Lama's 76th Birthday
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| Photo of HH the Dalai Lama |
This isn’t meant to be a biographical account of the Dalai Lama’s life and there are many sources to get this information. However, what I can say is that though it was unfortunate for the Dalai Lama to have to flee Tibet following China’s invasion in 1949, his refuge to India helped to raise awareness about the Tibetan cause, as well as introducing Tibetan Buddhism to the West. Not only that, but the Dalai Lama has been open to new knowledge gained from scientific enquiry and has met top scienties from around the world across various areas to discuss what makes us, basically, the nature of reality. In addition, I admire him because he denies that he is a god-king and, recently, he gave up his role as a political leader and declared that the people of Tibet should elect their own leaders. Moreover, while retaining his position as the spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, he does not exclude a time after his death when there will be no longer the need for the institution of the Dalai Lama.
I think the first time I recall seeing the Dalai Lama was when I was about 14 years old. Even if I couldn’t understand it, I sensed this man projected something unique that you rarely witnessed in daily life. A feeling of authentic engagement with the audience, a sense of unconditional acceptance and a feeling that he was talking to you on a human level. My interest in Buddhism would grow from there but given the mixed information about Buddhism I got from those who should have known better, I always held back from delving into understanding what Buddhism was about or to read works by people who practice and teach it. Perhaps I was afraid of going against the faith I was brought up to believe and, honestly, I was still rather young and immature in certain matters - even if I had always struggled in knowing why people die or suffer in this world.
In addition, there are still plenty of misconceptions about Buddhism that people in the West have. While it’s true that Buddhists believe in cyclic existence or reincarnation, it would be wrong to reduce millennia of Buddhist doctrine to just that belief without examining its basis or that the actions we do in our lifetime have consequences and that these actions will leave an impact on our current lives and possible futures. There is also the idea that Buddhism is atheistic which is only partly true because Buddhism holds that whether there exists a God is problematic as it holds that everything arises dependently on other causes and conditions and thus nothing (including a creator God) can exist as such. It has also been argued that Buddhism is nihilistic and that it denies the existence of things.
However, the Buddhist doctrine, if you study it closely, is commenting on how reality exist and not whether reality exists. For example, you are able to read and understand this text because you have learned language, and English at that. If it had not been for you having learned toassociate the symbols of the alphabet and that each letter stands for a sound and that a collection of sounds and letters produce words and speech, then this text would be meaningless. And while you’re there, even the words we use have their own history and we have our personal relation to certain words. This is especially true of words with strong emotional content such as “love” or racist insults. Now, nobody will contest that words do exist but Buddhist doctrine is making us aware that words depend on other factors to become what they are - in this case. Therefore, without knowing the code for deciphering language, and understanding what words represent and ultimately to understand the concept behind those words, then this text would be not better than a random patches of black shapes Z surrounded by white spaces. And then even the words “black”, “shapes”, “white” and “spaces” have more than one meaning, such as those relating to colour, race, place, form, etc.
Of course, I can’t really deal with all I’ve learned on Buddhism from my reading of the Dalai Lama’s translated works. Nor do I pretend to be any expert but just a beginner. Indeed, these past months have been literally life changing and I still have much to learn about Buddhism and the meaning of happiness. I don’t regret my upbringing and early spiritual interest in understanding the purpose of life. The more I sincerely wished to understand what other beliefs, the more I realised that there was a common longing to find “home”. I don’t even claim that Buddhism answers all the questions about life but, I feel that it has touched me in a profound way that words just cannot fully capture.
I have written a lot already. So I’ll leave you with a quote from the Dalai Lama, which in a simple way, captures the entire philosophy of Buddhism:
“If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion”
HH The 14th Dalai Lama (6 July 1935 - ...)
Online resources:
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Mathematics of Life: 1 + 1 ≥ 2 - ∞
There’s no need to worry! This entry is not going to be a maths lesson but a meditation on the value of life and how we tend to talk about human beings in terms of numbers and quantities. We are getting this kind of news every time we follow the latest bulletin. Whether it’s about the many people are still being killed in Afghanistan, Libya or Syria; whether it’s the projected numbers of refugees seeking shelter in Europe; or the numbers of people who are not keeping up with the austerity measures following the economic crisis - people are represented as if they were quantities and, increasingly as an economic burden and liability.
Undeniably numbers are a useful tool to help us understand the situation. But, numbers are only just that - a way of quantifying reality. The danger is when we think of human beings more as if they numbers and ignore the reality that these “numbers” can tell usabout the whole story. Indeed, when we talk about people as if they were numbers we run the real risk of dehumanizing them. Forgetting that behind each number there is a human story, a person with hopes and dreams, an individual with his/her own fears and nightmares. A person, who like us, seeks to be happy and free from suffering.
I don’t want to sound too idealistic here. Yet, I cannot help to shiver when I hear people being referred to as “problems” or, most recently, as “economic burdens”. We claim that the value of human life is more important than money and commodities. Yet, oftentimes the way politicians, journalists and how the public talks about these “problem people” suggests that when our lifestyles are threatened, we unleash all the hate and prejudice that is in our mind and heart.
Economic interests usually play an important role in this process by which people are dehumanized. Perhaps the best example of this is the rise of the Third Reich in Germany of the late 1930s. A large number of the German population, facing a failing economy and a defeat in the WWI were persuaded in believing that this problem was caused by the contamination of the German race. In a matter of months, Hitler’s Germany would annihilate millions of Jews, gypsies, Communists, gay people, disabled people and all those they deemed to be inferior. Those who survived deportation to the death camps would be assigned a number, not a name. Sadly, this is happening again in the heart of Europe with far right extremism increasing in popularity.
I asked myself what makes people become so numb to the suffering of others? Why do people treat other people as if they were objects or trash? The answer is not simple. But I can forward some ideas. It may be that we seek to be safe, perceiving the “other” as a threat. We may fear that we lose our personal, cultural and social identity. We may even think that we will change. But, as we declare our respect for others of our own kind, we become limited in what we deem our “kind”. We may also have a legitimate fear that our quality of life will be compromised if we accept those we perceive as foreigners or as outsiders. In the process, with all the valid justification, we betray our human values and deceive ourselves into believing that we are better and far superior to these "others". Thus, we undermine our claim to humanity by accepting to violate the dignity and unique worth of others who may appear to be different than we think we are.]
In maths, one plus one always equal two. But one human being and another human being can give rise to two or more human beings up to virtually an infinite number of people. The most obvious example is how a man and a woman can help to give life to one and many other children. But, on top of that, we can also contribute to the spread of ideas and concepts that can either build a better world or else to destroy it. Numbers of people only tell us about the quantity, they do not express the unique qualities that all of us possess. Numbers, like money and language, are only a representation of reality but they are not reality itself.
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